15 weeks pregnant and confused

okay so it was like 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep I wake up every morning the same time like I literally wake up it's kicking my ass baby week Sunday and a lot of emotions mixed emotions a lot of just everything went through my head my worries stress but one main thing that I struggle with is the guy my boyfriend I don't really think I like him like we met and you know I don't know I just don't love his hormones or what I don't want to really be with him I don't feel like I don't love him I don't feel them but he says he feels for me like he's going I don't miss him I don't want to have sex with him I don't know I just I don't trust him and I definitely don't want nothing to do with his family it's just I don't know what the hell over the hell is going on I really don't and I'm scared because I prayed to God for a man to love me and accept all my flaws made to love my son and it made to start a family with a man who would accept the fact that you know right now I can't work and I've made to accept the fact that I can't work though who will support me when I'm ready to and made to just you know be my partner and he's doing all of that but it's kind of like I know it's just I don't feel anything for him and it scares me because I feel like before four dogs pregnant I was I was getting there I don't really know it's like when I'm with him do I laugh a lot and I don't know what's going I don't know if his home if I mean everything had been so fast it's just what do you offer me that's how I feel in this game the last thing I want is to be the one with three wood with two baby daddies and two babies and no husband you know my son is grown to like him I just and I know we break up it's just going to be very complicated with the baby and then my son's gonna feel some kind of way and I'm just everywhere and I can't talk to him about it because he doesn't understand that I'm not trying to be vindictive or hurtful or you know ignorant read there like that I just I feel how I feel and I can't control it and I don't want to throw it away you know I feel like he's a good guy yeah but he's a good man and I feel like he's an attractive man but I just don't have a feeling scrap right yeah but like maybe argue and you break up I get like you know I I don't get sad but you know I still feel like she better not be with another girl or he's probably another girl like I get jealous a little bit but I don't know I don't know I'm just scared I don't know I'm gonna talk to my therapist about it say it see what her thoughts are but I don't wanna tell this me I don't want to be with him and then once the baby is born in my hormones collecting No More is a different story he's already moved on as a whole another woman and a whole nother family I don't want to string in my mind so I don't know what to do and then you know the pregnancy is kicking my ass 100% I'm like if it's not my stomach it's a headache I don't know feed my brain so I feel horrible they are painful and if it's not there is the depression and my people think the question doesn't hurt and it does and it just drives me crazy because all I can think about is the fact that I have to I have to go back to it I have to now every second baby one way I have to work and I just keep thinking how the I'm not going to do this how I'm not going to do this for who the hell is gonna watch my baby who can I trust you can't trust a lot of people they care they can really trust IV well then it cost so much money there's like okay I was I if I if I find a job what is that to guarantee you that my stomach won't it up it's just a lot of anxiety and were you know I panicked and you know and I'm worried about my baby like is that baby still in there like is it really okay we're gonna baby come out with some type of you know something wrong with my baby and that worried all the time and I try not to because I know it's not good for the baby back because like I literally cannot help it I will be watching TV and then the whole boss has come in this hey my son is sleeping with me nothing only come up so I'll make another video

One Reply to “15 weeks pregnant and confused”

  1. Hey girl, so I found out about your channel from looking up random things while going through a depressive episode a couple of weeks ago. I hope that you truly find your happiness and achieve the life that you really want. I hope that your kids are healthy and happy , and whoever you are with really loves you for who you are. Try not to stress to much over that guy cause of your pregnancy and just let whatever happen, happen. Take breaks and breathe whenever you feel its going to be too much. See if you can find a job from home (I’m sure you probably have been looking). I wish you the best 🖤

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