17 days postpartum – how I'm feeling and how I'm healing



Hey ladies update today is oh god what is today today is July 25th 2019 I am 17 days postpartum I'm out taking a little walk with the baby it's our first time doing this I have not been able to manage or get it together before then but so I'm just out taking a little stroll I want to quickly show you the stroller I think I'll do a full review on it later if anyone's interested but I didn't get the Bugaboo I still want the Bugaboo and I ended up getting something I mentioned to you guys a while back called the Mockingbird branch stroller you can see it has a sunshade on it Michaela is currently in it which is Jonas he's a part with the Mockingbird brand stroller it was fairly new brand and it is affordable compared to an upper baby or the Bugaboo so this is has the infant carriage port on it that you can see it comes with the sunshade so that's what all these black is because it's really hot today but it's a UV sunshade and it comes with that like I said if I do a full review I can take show you how to how it all breaks down so if you buy the Mockingbird you get a 30 day trial and I'm in my 30 days so I wanted to try it out I'm sorry about the Sun trying to remove the glir but it's you get a 30 day trial on it and I wanted to try it out I also bought the car seat adapter the infant seat that goes within the toddler part in the end the infant carriage so so there's all different prices for some of those add-ons the carriage is in a dorm which was a hundred dollars but in total I spent like five hundred and ten dollars I think with all the pieces that I bought the car seat adapter was an add-on the infant the infant seat was an add-on so with all of that I still spent five hundred dollars it rolls pretty nicely they're going to show you kind of want to show you the wheels if you can see it rolls pretty nicely and easily it's not Bugaboo but it's it rose really nice I mean that was the thing I loved about the Bugaboo was that it rolled pretty nice so I just wanted to talk about my stroller as we enjoy a little walk out and give you an update on what life is like having a 17 day old newborn for me at least being the first time yeah it's it's alive I mean it's great it's still it's still unbelievable honestly because every day I wake up and I'm kind of like wait so this is every day and also I think to myself so this is my kid like this is my kid it's just was surreal in a lot of ways so I think I'm still I'm definitely still adjusting we still don't have a routine my girl we just came back from the pediatrician I love her pediatrician so much like love love love her this is our third time seeing her there wasn't really anything wrong Makayla hadn't had a poop in three days and I was concerned but she ended up having a poop last night but I don't really mean this doctor appointment so I figured I'd keep it and come to find out you know that's partially because is she is mixed fed and so sometimes when babies are mixed well with both breast milk and formula that can happen and you know so we're just coming back I said to take a walk to the pediatrician it's not too too far but I wanted to kind of get some exercise in and even barely seem to think with the glare from the Sun but I wanted to get some exercise in and you know for me as you know I've been exercising I had been exercising throughout the entire pregnancy and exercising before the pregnancy so exercise is really important to me but because I'm still in my six week postpartum I'm not allowed to do any real exercising so I wanted to get out the house stretch my legs I was going a little stir-crazy I'm not used to staying at home like this and it hasn't even been a full three weeks yet my job just gives seven months maternity leave I do plan to take all if you know most if not all of it but you know it's it's rough right now because I'm still adjusting and I know every time I adjust we get we we get to a new schedule or a new thing so also I want to point out now I'm also pushing this stroller one-handed so that's another good thing it is pretty easy it's pretty easy to control and it has a pretty good one-handed push like I said it rows it rolls pretty nicely and when the things I really loved about the Bugaboo was the way that it pushed it pushed and turned beautifully but I feel you know at a discounted price the mockingbird pushes and turns just like a Bugaboo or an up a baby a fraction of the price I can't really say I'm endorsing it yet because this is really our first walk with it and I'm not really sure if I'm going to keep it yet now there's a few things well there's one thing I don't like about the way that the carriage inserts into the the base the way that this infant carriage that I showed you the way that inserts into the base I find it a little difficult it's really easy to get off I find it difficult to insert it so so far that's the part I didn't like I haven't tried the car seat adapter yet so I want to see how that all goes together if it goes together smoothly I'm all about things meet easy and just clicking in but anyway back to Michaelis issue she was gassy and fussy and hadn't had a a poop in three days and I didn't know what to do and I started to get worried and you know I just figured out going to the pediatrician and her doctor is so reassuring and you know she did explain that breast milk is a is easier to digest so when you're doing that's feeding and the baby gets formula formula is harder to digest and sometimes it does slow down your poops I'm really trying to get home breast milk only even if that means I had to be an exclusive pumper because we still haven't figured out the latching situation as I've told you before I have flat nipples and you know it's funny how I've changed because initially I didn't even know if I could breastfeed because I had a breast reduction I thought I wouldn't even be able to and so I was like oh well she'll have to do formula and I was okay with that and then once I found out that I could breastfeed even I couldn't make milk it just became him like I went in a hundred and twenty percent and now all I want to do is have her latch and have that bond and not that giving her a bottle doesn't create that bond it does and there's actually some benefits about the bottle where my husband is able to participate I mean he's been absolutely amazing with her he's able to participate with feedings and even overnight feedings and stuff like that so herb sorry but but yeah so there's that and he's been absolutely amazing with her and doing all that stuff but I kind of just wanted to have that you know mommy and daughter time where I could have her lunch and we haven't accomplished that so I'm trying to be okay with being an exclusive pumper and if I am exclusively pumping though I would like to get to the point where she's only getting the breast milk and you know no formula like I want to pump enough that she's getting everything but pumping is a pain and you know this whole breastfeeding thing is extremely emotional and more so than I even really could have imagined so I don't know how you ladies ladies who've had multiple kids who had I just don't know how women do this this this whole thing is is demanding and overwhelming and beautiful and remarkable but it's not at least for me again just me hey how you doing but I will update you guys in a little bit once again hey ladies so I'm sorry for the interruption but I'm back just to continue my update 17 days postpartum so what two weeks and three days I guess you can hear I don't know if you can hear her my get Mikayla singing in the background it says to sing while she sleeps closer everything is a mess so let me tell you keeping up what housework I wasn't really bidding on that anyway my husband does most of the housework but keeping up with housework has just been I mean again I didn't really do it anyway but I do even less now it's like non-existent so I'm hoping to change that because I also don't work well in clutter so as things start to get cluttered too much I start to get agitated or irritated irritable I don't know so for some reason too much clutter um bothers me so I know that's an adjustment because there's so much baby stuff here so just organizing that and having everything in order is important to me but is not so important that how that you know I need to have it done right now but I'll show you so I think I told you already about this thing I absolutely love this bassinet thing she's sleeping and I absolutely love it you know it's it's been very helpful and I have it right near my bed so it's been really cool um but other than that everything in my house is a mess like you know I even started putting clothes in her our pack and play because I haven't bought nursery furniture yet and I'm hoping too soon but I didn't need it right away and so as we accumulate more clothes you know I'm noticing I have nowhere to put these things so it's just really organizing and getting things together on update know how I'm feeling and how I'm healing so ultimately physically I mean I feel like I've bounced back pretty quickly do you think yeah my stomach for the most part is kind of going ish not going Cornish oh you can see yeah but my stomach is kind of gone ish let's talk about breast feeding since I pointed out what I ended up doing is taking an old sports bra which I'm wearing right now and cutting holes in the front in the nipple area and I used that to pop so I made pumping bras that's me being cheap making pumping bras I was going to order some from Amazon I just haven't done it yet and in the meantime I I do have some nursing bras but they're not pumping bras and so I noticed that when I'm pumping I was holding I had to hold the the the flanges and the bottles and stuff to me and it was just so annoying and then someone told me about pumping bras and I didn't even know that was a thing so you know I think my killers gonna wake up soon too so that might interrupt this video but anyway um I didn't know that was a thing and then the same person told me or you could just cut holes in all the sports bra and so I did that but usually I do can't see it I did not wear this ow I changed into it because I recently pumped you know I wouldn't wear it out because clearly you can kind of see where I cut the hole I don't know if any way physically overall I feel okay but I think that's the problem like people see me I've run into a few people I actually stopped at my job on Monday um you know just because I was in the neighborhood and you know people were just marveling on how quickly physically I've seemed to have recovered like my stomach has going down tremendously um just not really for me doing things so I can't say it's because I'm eating or exercising you know eating exercising it's not it's not because I really don't know why maybe it was because the pitocin and all of that but it's going away a lot so that's good but just because I feel better doesn't mean I am like actually better and so you have this situation where you know I am I did just have a baby and so for six weeks it takes six weeks to recover from that I am still bleeding I am not heavy I am still bleeding and passing blood clots again if that's TMI I'm sorry but that's what I do I kind of tell too much but um you know so I still have all that going on I know I'm not really healed I can actually still feel my stitches and I had few stitches and I didn't have any perineal stitches but I did have some first-degree tears very minor tearing but they did still stitch them and the stitches I can actually feel them gonna irritate me a little bit so yeah I had like labia a little lady at earring and like a small tear near the urethra I think I believe that's where it was so but yeah but all of that said you know I can still feel the stitches from that when I wash or sometimes you know your name and I don't use my the parry bottle anymore I didn't think of what it's called I actually stopped using that a while ago because that like probably after the first or second day because I didn't really feel it wasn't stinging or burning but sometimes I forget the stitches are there and then I you know you wipe you're supposed to dab not rub and I'll rub and I'll be like oh Sh very stitches still there so I am not healed I tend to pretend I am and I know I over exert myself sometimes because I don't feel bad and then I'll end up feeling poorly like my body will get really sore and achy and I'm like oh yeah he did just like go through super traumatic experience we're pushing out this life form you know so yeah you aren't quite 100% so even though I may look better and feel a lot better I know I'm not wanting to present my body does remind me of that and I have a hard time I'm taking it easy so I need to get better at that um so that's more my physical changes I'm still taking my iron and Coley's like when I left the hospital they gave me a prescription three prescriptions one for motrin 600 you really don't need I haven't needed it really in a while and also kalise it was just a stool softener and iron so I'm supposed to take those twice a day the motrin is as needed I guess I don't like I said I really don't need it the colace and the iron pills those are twice a day and the iron pill can make you constipated inacol ace is a stool softener so I guess they're supposed to work hand in hand I will tell you that after giving birth your first poop is can be scary I know from me well at least for vaginal I don't know anything about a c-section but just because when you're in labor you have that I'm gonna poop feeling so long that the first time you have to poop is kind of scary a little bit I mean for me it wasn't horrible but my first poop and again TMI my first poop came after they inserted those pills rectally to help my uterus contract due to the hemorrhaging and I mentioned that in Prior so after they inserted those pills you know like a day later I think I had to poop but I was the pills were actually kind of painful to insert and so I was so scared you know and I didn't want that I have to poop feeling but honestly it wasn't that bad um and this isn't me just sugarcoating it because I forgot how bad it was no I just it just really wasn't that bad you know was it was more mentally scary than it was painful mentally and emotionally I'm kind of still all over the place like like I said it is really surreal having a baby having a baby that's my baby but at the same time I don't know how I feel I don't know if I've bonded with her or not yet I love her in a pretty like in a super protective way I love her because she's like magical cuz it's like how this happened I know how it happened but it's still you know I don't know but I don't still feel like I know her and so I think it takes time to get to know her I do I definitely take care of her so I know it's more like taking care of her and protecting her I don't feel like I know her and I haven't really been able to enjoy her yet because I've spent so much time trying to make sure I'm doing all the right things and feeling guilty about not doing the right things like you know we haven't done a lot of tummy time she's done it on my chest and my husband chest but she hasn't done it on her tummy time mat that I bought I haven't been reading her the books I thought I would every night because there's no night and really no the days are just endless loops of feedings and changings and burping and stuff like that so you know I feel guilty about not having her latch yeah I hope too late for her to latch as I mentioned the constipation that she had may not have happened if she was only getting breast milk and so I feel good see I don't produce enough breast milk yet to keep up with her because she eats a lot right now Michaela can do 4 ounces each feeding you know so every 2 3 hours roughly she is doing 4 ounces whether it's formula of breast milk sorry about that but that's a lot she is there's you knows a lot of things that I feel guilty about so I end up spending that more time thinking about that and wanting to make sure I do everything right for her or perfect or give her what she needs and what it'll be best and so I'm not having as much fun and I want to try to fix that because she's growing up so quickly and here she's only 17 days but today she was weighed and she weighs 7 pounds 12 hours at 12 and a half ounces she was born at 6 pounds 11 ounces you know and then her weight dipped a little bit came back up so I'm which is all normal but my thing is she'll she'll never be under 7 pounds again she'll never be that little beat I mean she has a little baby still but she'll never be 6 pounds 11 ounces she is grown you know that's just changing she's she's you know she she's growing up I mean even yeah 17 days but she is and so I want to cherish these moments and enjoyed them and I'm trying to figure out how I can do that and not beat myself up constantly about me am i doing the right things in between the feedings and the changings and all the other things that you do I just want I mean she is still really young and she hasn't really focused yet so you know I tried to show her some of the black and white books and she looked at them a little but you know we need to spend more time doing that I'm but see that's the thing that's what I do I'm always like I need to do this I need you to do that so becomes more of a task and I don't want it to be a task I want it to be me and my little girl walking with her today was really nice so that was cool you know but it was the first time I've ever been out with her stroller pushing it as the mom you know so that was all really cool but there's a lot of emotions and I'm just trying to deal with all of that I need to figure out how to have fun with her during this time because eventually I'll be off in maternity leaves and back at work and I won't have this time with her so I really want to learn how to enjoy it I don't know how to switch my mind I have anxiety my husband just went back to work yesterday that was his first day back he sits there for two weeks and then two more days also he's at work today and he was at work yesterday and so this is my second full day by you know by myself he'll be home you know I have to work but this is the second day of spent with by myself to some extent for the majority of the day and I was really nervous about it the first so what he went back on Wednesday but on Tuesday and on the weekend I was really nervous about it because this is a lot and it could be very overwhelming to be with her by myself and have to figure out well you know if I put her down and she starts screaming can I shower can I do this I mean I'm still working all that out I definitely still do shower every day I've been putting on makeup as you can see but I've still been showering and doing all my hygienic needs otherwise I'm taking care of her so that's good but you know it was just really scary because I didn't know what life would be like with just me and her here and the dogs of course but I think we're adjusting okay what do you think Michaela where are we doing we're doing there's only been two days and you know I think I think were fine it wasn't as bad as I thought yesterday and today we walked out and went to the pediatrician so I feel like keeping busy with those things also will help it was just so hard to get out of the house though because not because I wanted to stay in the house but because trying to like figure out everything I need and I had a diaper bag packed and then I end up taking my purse to you and I'm carrying my person my shoulder and pushing the stroller and her diaper bag was on the bottom part underneath the stroller and it was like it didn't seem to be enough room for my purse also my purse is huge so it wasn't like the stroller because the stroller has a pretty ample basket underneath but between her diaper bag and me carrying my like luggage suitcase purse you know it was it was just a lot and I need to figure out a consolidate that I had my big makeup bag in it and I'm like why are you carrying this but I had to be at the doctor by 1 o'clock and I just couldn't organize myself because I was feeding her at a time that I didn't anticipate to be feeding her and then she was really fussy and she every time I put it down she starts screaming and it was just something about the screaming that kind of got to me and I'm like oh you know I'm running around trying to you know get back to her to pick her up and I know sometimes picking them up too much can greet a spoiled baby that'll scream every time you put him down but I kept running back trying to get back to her and and grab things around the house so I can get out and I was just a mess but we got there the point was at 1 o'clock we got there 1:17 uh-huh but we got there but I did not do it as efficiently as a friend effectively as I guess I could have but that was our first time doing it by ourselves and you know and really the way that we did it and walking up there because we hadn't walked up there before or so but I thought it was a nice it's only like a 20 minute walk I thought it was cute to walk up there is a nice and day so yeah so it was just it's just all these things but it was nice once I was actually out to enjoy her uh you know a little so that was good I'd like to spend more time doing that update on baby blues I don't know I don't know what I feel I'm not saying I have baby blues or I think I did for those days I'm not crying anymore or any of that I think things have definitely gotten better but I don't know what you call how I feel now like I said I don't know if you call it baby blues or what have you I'm just adjusting I think this is I hope this is normal I'm just adjusting and you know I don't I'd like my killer to have a sibling but lord knows I don't know if I could do this again lord knows I just everybody who's done it more than once I'm like oh you must be superwoman I'm like wow or anyone was twins or something I'm like you know I wanted twins if you watched my earlier videos and you've been following with me you know I wanted to Wednesday transferred two embryos what you know for me to get Makayla and she could have easily been it's when brave both had taken and or she could have been twins or whatever you want to say but she wasn't and I'm actually thinking god that she wasn't cuz or that she's not because um I'd be I don't know I kind of only have to be hands and they're not enough for her so I don't know what you know um but yeah so there's that I don't have a lot of family in the area so I am doing it alone so I think maybe we have more family and family support or support system I think that's also a problem it's pretty much just me my been doing this and that that's kind of hard my mom can come and visit and she lives in Philadelphia and I would like her to come and visit she was my parents were up here for mikkel his birth but my mom is completely blind and so it is a little harder to have her do things she can help she is independent but she wasn't blind when I was a baby so she's never had to be blind with a baby so as far as feeding and changing Michaela any of that I don't know she could do it I mean she could hold the bottle if I set it up and all of that but again I don't you know and that could help me a little bit to free up my hands so maybe I can pump or do something else so she can do that but yeah I don't know so it makes me a little sad to not be able to have my mom here the way that I would want my mom to be here and again if I'm sad I'm sure she sad about it because she can never see Michaela and so that makes me sad because she won't ever really see what this little girl looks like or now or as she grows up and you know and so I feel like there's this little bit of the I don't know we can't be here and and be here the same way that a mother who wasn't visually impaired and I know that really hurts her and then I'm hurt by it too because I kind of wish I had my mom to be able to be here like that and I know that might be a little selfish because ultimately has her disability but it you know if it hurts me I can only imagine how she feels but I do wish that I could have a little more family support but that's not my reality it also plays into why I don't want to kill it to be an only child because you know I'm not an only child I have two older brothers who are good enough there's a good enough of an age difference I would like mikela to have somebody because you know without family you really have no one and that's kind of what I'm dealing with right now and so I would be great to have a larger support system and I do have people have friends but no one really that lives close and the one that comes by to help so you know our friends and I people I can talk to and things like that but as far as a you know a day-to-day help I don't have that so if you do have that then kiss hug you know think God for whomever those people are because not having that is hard because I you know there's no one to call I mean someone to call to talk to but as far as doing anything anyway enough of that um blood pressure update so I've been taking my blood pressure I did go back one Monday this past Monday the 22nd yes I went and I had a blood pressure check it was okay they did not keep me this time you didn't see a video of me crying this time it was um you know I did not know your blood pressure could be different in each arm so when they took it they took it in my left arm it came up 141 over 84 which is still high I'm not saying it's not high and it shouldn't be that high given that I'm taking that um and the feta pain I think that's were just calling a fed opinion so yeah um but then they took it in my right arm they took the pressure in my right arm and it came up as 129 over 80 so they were happy with that now again I didn't know that their forearms have different blood pressures is weird I don't know which one was right 129 over 80 is still high slightly high but it's still high but it was nothing that required me to go to labor and delivery I was sent home with the instructions to continue to monitor twice a day which I've been doing it's been in good ranges for the most part and similar instructions to last week if it goes up over 1 above 150 over 90 I need to call and then I was told to call in tomorrow to check to see what we'll do going forward because when they gave me my enough therapy they only gave me a two-week prescription and my two weeks will be up sometime next week so like yeah I kind of need this I guess it is a little nerve-racking to have to rely on blood pressure medication since I've never had to do that before but it's fine I haven't had any real side effects from why it's safe for breastfeeding so I've been okay with that so yeah you know so far my blood pressure hasn't jumped up again a head jumped up a little bit I had like a 151 over 92 and I didn't I didn't call anybody but that wasn't this week that was last week but it could have been I don't know what I was doing at the time and maybe I shouldn't have taken my blood pressure at the time when I did but it's been very stable since then I pray only continues to get better and that eventually I can get off this medication there is no timeframe for how long I will need to be on it right now but for the first six weeks postpartum I am at risk I think is six to eight weeks I'm at risk for preeclampsia so that's what so that's why we have to do this and I might be on the medication longer than the six eight weeks if you recall my blood pressure was never really that high during my pregnancy so the fact that it's higher since giving birth does concern me and also plays a factor on whether I would have any more kids because clearly my body does not like it so it's concerning and if you have preeclampsia at all you're at risk going forward and although I don't have it and I have not had it I'm still at risk and if I were to have another pregnancy of course I'd still be at high risk for it I need to have to closely monitor my blood pressure probably even more so than they did this time because I was an on blood pressure medication at all during my pregnancy and just really quickly I want to show you guys a few things so you know how a lot of newborns rub out their hair the back of their hair eventually our infants do that and and that happens and take some time for it to grow back sometimes it's hormones though that causes that but a lot of times it's also because they're laying on their back in certain areas and the hair gets rubbed out so woman Kelly this little bonnet looks a little big for her I haven't been able to try it on – or yet I don't know if I can take it in I bought it from Etsy but it's satin lined someone to get my girl's satin bonnet already so we could start getting her used to her her life is black woman so she'll be rocking her satin bonnet going forward I did I did order a newborn satin bonnet I know it's a little crazy and I've been taking these supplements I'll probably do a separate video something more about breastfeeding how emotional and hard it is but I ordered these fenugreek supplements and it's milk thistle supplements a lot of these are in the teas that I've been taking so both the fenugreek and finn'll and milk this so and bless it this so and different things all in these supplements so iron the teas I've been drinking those teas I showed you in this other the other video about how emotional breastfeeding has been and the fact that we can't latch has definitely felt like a failure to me but um need to move past it and I'll let her stress me out again to the point I'm not enjoying this beautiful little girl I think that's it for now but like I said I do plan to talk more about breastfeeding in another video and maybe do something on the mockingbirds stroller again I'm not endorsing it or anything so far I kind of like it so far but I've only used it once you get 30 days to try it and it's free shipping each way so I figure what day I have to lose and so that's why I tried it it they don't have double strollers so if you need a double stroller wouldn't work at least they don't have it yet they are pretty new so they may be coming out with something to turn that single stroller into a double stroller or maybe they'll come out with a separate double stroller I think about that too if I were to have another child that the mockingbirds stroller is a single stroller that's one of the things I liked about the the Bugaboo one that I was looking at was that the fact that it could easily convert to a double stroller and II had the extra storage on the side and underneath but it was fairly wide there's a little wide if you're anywhere I don't see it really convenient place to have such a wide stroller but you know but I liked it I liked BookBook I'm like I like it but I don't have it and but if as I continue to use this Mockingbird one if I don't like it I was in the back and I would just definitely be replacing that with the Bugaboo I'm I told my husband I will try it to see money I try I told him try n so I am trying it doesn't mean I'm a stick with it but the jury is still out but all right ladies that is my update right now I will try to continually update its whore with the baby but I want to keep you guys posted and you guys you know my sounding board so you know you help keep me grounded as I go through this process and I appreciate everyone's support and love and it's been very very helpful from the IBF how can you remember those days the IV update you remember those days all the way to now so love you guys I will talk to you all soon

3 Replies to “17 days postpartum – how I'm feeling and how I'm healing”

  1. Hey lady thx for the update. You got this mom…. just don't over think it and enjoy the now moments as much as you can because they are flying by!

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