18 & Pregnant | Postpartum Depression 😪| Storytime

my channel if you're no make sure you check out my videos so you hit that subscribe button if you've already seen my videos and you've already seen my channel then welcome back it's good to have you and if you've read by the title we're going to be talking about pregnancy and postpartum depression now I am 22 years old I had my daughter when I was I was gonna say 13 yah say 13 I had my daughter when I was 18 years old she's 3 years old now early on in my pregnancy around 7 weeks I found out that I was threatening a miscarriage I was doing my hair in the bathroom and it felt moist like as if you know my cycle started or something I've read that some people still fight in half periods when they're pregnant so not everybody so when I felt that and I hadn't felt that none since I had been pregnant I knew something wasn't right so I never went to the hospital and the doctor was I keep your legs elevated don't stand for long periods sometimes and just you know kind of hanging out because I was threatening the miscarriage and you just don't know how your body is gonna react I mean even if you do everything that the doctors say is still a possibility that you could have a miscarriage but that's just how stuff is that's just had a body wearing edges what goes on now when I found out that I was starting a miscarriage idea what they said I was down because I'm like why me like this is my first baby how did how can I be threatening the miscarriage I'm not under way I'm little by five – I was about 115 then and I'm playing why am i learning the miscarriage me out of all people like why me that's literally half failed everybody else get pregnant they had a baby they get to see this I'm a golfer but I knew like I could still have kids in the future I knew that one day I went sort of like this was maybe a week after I went to the hospital I had went to the restroom and what I thought I saw was my baby like I thought I thought I had a miscarriage I was crying I was depressed I didn't know what the heck to do like I was literally down I was like is this really happening like it I had to process see it's just for real like why am I going through this my mom she was there to support me like all throughout of it so because I was so down and depressed I did not want to be in my hometown anymore yeah I just pretty much wanted to get away because it was just depressing I felt like it was no reason for me to be there I just wanted to start over now before I got pregnant I didn't I want to move out of Detroit like nothing will make me move and that's why I was so there but after experiencing miscarriage what I thought I was experiencing I was ready to move and start over and get away when I moved to Texas I ended up I was like went straight to cosmetology school I did not enroll you guys I was just going because that's what I want to go to school for so Aaron I've got estimated but like I literally did not have a job this public there may be like the day after I moved to Texas maybe two days after so I did not have a job or any money to to give them like money for application or anything I had a job working with my brother he was an assistant manager there he got me into that job and then I end up getting a second job so I was working two jobs and this is do you guys all while still thinking that I'm not pregnant anymore so I'm taking on jobs I'm trying to like get my life together my from 18 I've just graduated from high school I go straight into college like I was supposed to you know like I had planned and stuff when I explain to people about my water break in they think like I was all over your clothes and all this stuff like that oh my mucus plug had broke like way before and I didn't know what it was like I'm thinking something was wrong I literally did not know what a mucus plug was so I was wearing pants because I'm like this idea was like where had to work whatever because I didn't know like if I was going for like a spa oh look ya'll skipping I'm literally like I got a skip until me finding out that I was still pregnant I was eating like crazy all up and everything I was eating I was throwing up so I will be eating pizza next morning I'm like waking up throwing up everything that I a I know this is disgusting whatever toppings I had on there that's how it came up like it's like nothing was digesting my mom and my brother who's pregnant the pregnancy test just in case so I know taking a pregnancy test and I found out that I was still pregnant those who tread shortly but as always but I found out I was still pregnant and that was it was a lot of joy and he liked it was okay I'm gonna tell you this it was a lot of joy but at the same time it was nerve-wracking because I'm like now I'm no longer with the child's father I'm in a whole nother state not have to care for a baby single mother status just like that yeah I like was thinking like hooray but in the back of my mind I'm like it ain't working to try to pay on school and now know like I'm working to take care of my baby and I didn't even get to work long after that like I had my two jobs and then they stink you know I'm at work and the job that I had with my brother it was just like really wet down there like I mean really wet like not like no I just came on my cycle boy like it felt like something's going on now I don't have periods anymore because I'm over control I don't do cycles because I have had the worst cramps I've left super super heavy and I would throw up so I still have this like literally the last pack of Pampers I don't even use this or needing but luckily I have it so this is the same pet that I was the same kind of pad I was using and it's a really thick I had on one of these and it felt like somebody filling up a sink of water and dump this in it and then put it on me that's what it felt like hoedown both of my closer I was just so damn nervous because I was at work jobs at work so my brother came and picked me up took me home and when I went to bathroom I had told my mom about it and she was like your water broke that's your I'm in the otic flu we got to go to the doctor tomorrow she told me not to eat anything so when I go to the doctor that can do that test because she was like when you get there they're gonna tell you not to eat anything I did anything anything went to the hospital they ran the tests on the fluid and it was like yes your amniotic fluid your water broke I was 22 weeks when I was women supposed to carry their babies for 40 weeks or at least up for 40 weeks I carry mine completely for 23 weeks so at 22 weeks I got admitted to the hospital I had a room with no windows so it's miserable I had me in all type of stuff and IV and everything that connected to it and the monitors and a little roll you think I like I had to take that with me everywhere if I had to go to the bathroom I had the road that with me make sure I don't you know mess anything up and try to go to the bathroom and stuff the ID that they would give me what hurt when whatever they was putting in the idea was I it hurt it felt like something sharp was going through my veins it was really painful they told me that because my water broke at 22 weeks like if she came now at 22 weeks she wouldn't make it but if she if I held her for a week and carried her to 23 weeks that it will be a 1% chance for her to survive she was also being like really really stubborn one minute they would check me and she would be paid first which is good then the next minute they would check me and she'll be feet feet-first which is being born breech the incorrect way that a baby is supposed to be born they told me that if it came down to it to saving you know me or my babies like they would have to save mines and I told them like no like y'all say my baby like and I'm homeless I know they gonna save your life I feel like say my baby give my baby a chance to live then I have my mom with your side you're on my baby and I won't do the same my baby cuz you can always have more kids I hope I helped her in for a week and on my 23 mark they transferred me to another hospital because they care that my daughter wouldn't need it if she was born at 23 weeks or like 24 weeks 25 in the hospital that I love that they would have been able to give her the care so they wanted to transfer him to another hospital so that way when she was born she could be properly treated what I didn't like about this hospital yawn he was saying oh yeah you when you go to the restroom you got to go to the restaurant on the vamp pan because if you go to the restroom in the toilet it's the possibility that your baby can come out and if your baby come out don't want it falling down into a toilet and then think to you guys at 23 weeks a baby it's like really really small and if you want an idea of how small like I said before you can always Google 23 we go baby they're really really small and they were talking to me and at that moment that they were talking to me I felt like they were trying to convince me to give my baby and I already depressed said don't know you know what to do and when I was in the hospital and my mom was there and the doctor he was up there like oh you know we should basically let them disconnect me from the machines that was helping to keep my you know so they can keep tabs on my baby they was basically saying to basically let them luckily front of machines that gives me IP because I didn't have any amniotic fluid to keep my baby survived it has a cute costly drinking waters like at the same time I'm like trying to be strong for my baby but it was so miserable you are I felt like I was watching too much but only 18 people want to consider themselves adults so quick to get put in position then if adults should be in and not a child that's 18 would I say it was depressing he was saying all this like it's a possibility that she could grow up and be deformed and had heart problems brain problems all these different conditions and he was like you young you don't want to take you don't want to spin her his exact words was he you don't want to spend the rest of your life taking care of someone else what kind of shit is that to say to somebody that's for one young tool that's having a possibility like a 50/50 chance of losing her damn child I just couldn't believe that he said that and he was like trying to confuse me and saying all this stuff and to the point I was saying yeah I want to look do whatever and my mom was like you want them to unhook you basically he's go let her pass away in my stomach that's what they wanted me to do let her pass away comfortably in my stomach disconnect me from anything and me just wait around for her to die inside of me and they may remove her now when she was like telling me what the hell they was really saying I was like nah no like I want to keep me hooked up that's what I felt like the doctor was on some shit and I didn't want to be at the hospital but I had no choice after I said no I wanted I will try to keep me hooked up to everything and to try to help my baby and when she arrived that's what he was like oh you can go to the restroom and all that stuff like that and my I'm like didn't he just say if you go to the restroom it's a possibility that she could fall out at the toilet before it was oh no no no no you sit in the bank and it isn't that but the moment I'm like I'm keeping my baby do everything y'all can your damn job for one then is oh you can go to the bathroom you want me to go do the same thing that you just say there's a possibility it caught my baby no my mom had been at the hospital would be like every day unless she like went home to shower or whatever like that but the next shoes that will meet every day so I couldn't sleep it gave me the sleeping pill to help me sleep and I'm almost a suicide I'm alcohol get some sleep shower eat and then I'm gonna come right back up here I'm like okay cool you know I'm gonna be sleep during that time so she left I'm laying there I'm not off I go to sleep sleep it sleep next thing you know doctors nurses whatever they run the airline the baby heartbreak is dropping maybe heartburn is dropping waking me up on my sleep scaring the hell out of me every time I think back on this it pissed me off cuz I'm just be thinking like John gave me a damn sleeping pill and y'all wake me up by running in my damn room saying that they made me heart rate is dropping they put the little jail on my stomach and they was like wow it's hurting the baby and it was I would c-section up until my daughter was born I never knew the gender I never knew what I was having because Miami other because my water broke so so because I had no amniotic fluid they could not tell whether I was having a boy or a girl so in the beginning before then it was I think it's gonna be a girl but don't go painting the room pink so I never knew what I was having until my baby was here on earth yeah they came in a room they rushed me out of whatever I didn't have time to call nobody it was one doctor daddy and my doctor was giving me medicine a drink to knock me out another doctor was rubbing my hand it's gonna be okay another one was rubbing my forehead I didn't know for me and it was just other doctors around and I was sure all I kept thinking to my hand I could sleep I was so damn scared off I didn't have nobody with me they have no relatives who ain't me I was allowed to actually drop through the labor process along so this day still crushes me because I wish that even though I was asleep I still wish that someone else could have been there with me and let me know that I was okay the paper was okay everything will be fine you know that support know that when the time really nice but unfortunately they did all that right after my mom left after my mom left and I was asleep I remember waking up and I was in this recovery role and the lady she was putting this diaper on me like this yeah I was groggy they had been drugged up but I swear it was either a big ass pan or a diaper I'm not even gonna lie to y'all and I remember her putting it on me and she was like do you want to call someone la yeah I was out of it I had called my mom and I was like I'm in labor and all I couldn't even make out what was what on I was telling her like I was in labor then I was like I had the baby and then I was just all over the place so she was like I'm on my way but Brendan was gonna come in the recovery room with me and he's saying you think he saw my flip suta in this thing I have to react him again but it made him sick seeing me like that my mom wasn't the first one to go see my daughter actually she was the first one to go see my baby in the NICU but I remember the lady was like if you feel any pain just press this button and I was just so drunk I'm gonna miss pressing them but you know I was talking so much be asked like about the nurses and stuff to my mom know that I was talking so much junk young I had staples on my scar and I was at the hospital for a few days yesterday and I was gonna go see my baby in the NICU they were like throw me in the wheelchair to go see her and I'm gonna show y'all the picture this picture I'm gonna try to get it without the glare this picture is actually the first day she opened her eyes it's actually the first day my mother went to go see her so the brother that saw me in the recovery room he actually took forever to come see her yes because he didn't want to see her like that because right here she looks like she could be a big baby but she was feels super super small in this picture she was on a breathing tube me too she had laser surgery on her eyes she's been through therapy physical therapy she's still having speech therapy she was in a NICU from January 11 to 8 crow or teeth I believe so that was a lot of days that I was going back and forth visit in the hospital at one point I would wake up like four or five and worn in you rides in the hospital but spend time with her and then I will leave the hospital go home get ready for work and I'll go to work at 2:00 and then I would get off at 10:00 super lay asleep for a couple of hours and turn around at all all over again what she got out the hospital I stopped working for like seven months and when she came home she came home on an oxygen field and then her heart rate and everything like I had the machines and all that set up I had toes oxygens hang on when she was born she was one pound one ounce she was really really small she was so tiny gosh she fit in the palm of my head actually I'm going to show you something do y'all see this this was her first diaper first time and her diaper caps to this size what she got a little bit bigger I just want y'all to see how small this is this is hand sanitizer this is my baby's diaper I still have like our wristbands this band was to inform the doctors um that I was allergic to shellfish all of our all of our wristbands go on to our doctor's visit and say how much she's grown when she was like 8 pounds and stuff these was her little head basically this necklace um every time she would reach a goal then give me a charm I wasn't able to even hold my daughter and when she was first born like it was a while before I actually got to even hold her so all I could do was stick my hand in the incubator and touch her for a certain period of time and just stare at her it was a while before I actually got to even hold her this one was for the K has a kangaroo it's basically for the vibing of the mother and child a lot of miss what she left when she was selling her feeding tube actually what's so crazy is when she got a perm feet into Ovilus because she snatched it out and that's when they were like we're gonna see you she can I'll be fed and everything without you know speaking of order to her lung stuff so they started you know slowly feeding her to see how she is she be good and she was off the feet of poop Susie and so I felt that part is basically my pregnancy story so I'm going to get sue into the postpartum depression part and I'm not going to go about my experience with postpartum depression because it's very personal most part of depression is feelings that you get after you have your baby so I'm going to have feelings or thoughts of killing ourselves killing their child like heavy depression anxiety the way that the world is on my shoulder and they can't do it anymore some people have postpartum depression they love having a baby and not either not getting enough sleep I haven't enough support so y'all y'all have a friend or relative or anybody that you know that pregnant or just had a baby support them beater for them excellent how they're feeling how would they go on it can just be like hey girl I know you want me to babysit about two or three hours so you can get you a piece of ID it will help it may not get the job done completely because every person is different when it comes to dealing with mental issues and stuff like that so when I was want the whole postpartum depression I was actually looking at adoptions sometimes I would just google it because it was on my mind like I can't do this like I didn't want to be a mother anymore that's how I felt and I feel like what postpartum depression when you have certain thoughts a lot of people don't speak all those type of thoughts is like oh you're crazy or they feel like you making it up I didn't feel like anybody would understand what I was going through where I was coming from those thoughts went on for a very long time I absolutely believe that my daughter being born early me bein tupples the possibility that she wouldn't make it or you know it's my life for hers all of those contributed into everything I was feeling so even her coming home on oxygen and me having to deal with three different therapists come into my apartment a lot of times I will be super tired like even when I eventually got an overnight job I would get off at 6:00 a.m. try to sleep a little bit but I couldn't sleep long because she had therapy by there she will be away which means I can ask and then with journey two times I would have to wait for another therapist still try to maintain and try to figure out how can I get my wrist soft this day uh people to work our connection time because I've got the postpartum depression and uh I mean when I say y'all going through it I've gone through it to where my mom would tell my brother's keep an eye out on me and I don't think at the time they knew exactly what I was going through I don't think they even knew it was postpartum depression because when you don't know anyone at all that's going through postpartum depression when you see someone going through it I feel like the first thing people think is they're trying to look for a way to allow up their responsibilities when that's not even the case a lot of times I think people look at it like oh you're just crazy and evil not that you know something is mentally going on with me like I really need help right now like I was looking up different counselors and therapists I was 18 like I'm gonna pay for that I'm so trying to take care of a baby in get all this stuff done and what it was adding more frustration and more depression to what was already there was the fact that because my daughter was not a full sort of baby she was not doing everything on time that affords her baby should so when my daughter was 7 months you probably would have thought she was 3 what I had to realize is that she's gonna do what she's wanted what she want to do when she was ready so and I'm gonna get back to the pulse part of the pressure part if you are experiencing pulse part of the depression get help seek help don't try to go through it alone that's the only way to get better like I didn't start feeling better until eyes talk to someone about it till I got it off my chest what I was thinking until I knew I had to let someone know like this is what I'm thinking but then you also have those feelings where's buying okay what about tell someone and they go tell someone else and then everyone's looking at me like a monster like you wanted to get your child up for adoption you had thoughts of killing yourself knowing that you got a child letting you know in turn so much you have to be really careful about whom you vent – don't just beat anybody or feel like all this my homegirl I'm a you know make sure it's someone who genuinely have your best interest at heart so who genuinely want to hear what you gotta say some who genuinely want to help you not just your girl with what you want through so they can know your business you don't want those type of people stay away from those you can always talk to your OBGYN or you know any doctors and get resources stuff like that if you don't have a way to get up there it's like when I will go to my appointment and they would check on my scar and make sure like I was healing well and everything they will also ask me questions about my health how I'm feeling milk mentally if I want to any resources or any help or any numbers any nurses expect really take advantage of those if you have to call a crisis hotline like it's been plenty of times where I've had suicidal thoughts and I'm like I need help I know I need help my problem was I will Google a crisis hotline number and I will be ready to call it but my pride just will not let me call them my pride would not let me seek and reach out for help and let somebody know like I'm having these thoughts I need you I need you to talk to me I need you to calm me down to help do these feelings go away you also want to try to get into anything that can keep you busy or keep your mind active because when I was watching postpartum depression like I said working for seven months so I was at home dealing with everything that I was dealing with and when my daughter was on her machine oxygen at home you know it would constantly go off in the middle of the night so I'm jumping up trying to make sure you know she's okay and will you have me time when your child is asleep or you know your parent or anybody somebody babysits for you take that time to self-reflect to get y'all Minds in the phone if you got to write it out write out whatever you feeling a lot of times when I would go through fillings as far as relationships family wise friendship wise and even just dealing with some stuff you know within myself I would write it down and I would I mean go into detail if I want to curse your spelling ain't gotta be right yo ham right they gotta be neat you know sensitive thing got to be complete you I got to put no punctuation just right just right you just express how you feel ball it up doll the way where no one can get to it don't throw it away in your trash can at home where somebody gonna be knows what's with this paper and get to read it and then I ain't no audio business or how you feel it we didn't want them to you don't want everybody all the bigger business if you like to read do that if watching movies or watching TV will you know help keep your mind off things do that as well anything that's gonna keep your mind from thinking anything negative or thinking I wanna be here anymore I can't do it they don't give up on yourself don't be a buffoon your child don't give up on your life know that you mean something or that your child means something ago that you would like to meet something know that everyone is not perfect don't feel like you're a bad person because you have a certain thoughts it's all issues it's real and people just don't want to accept that and I feel like now then people are more aware about mental issues I feel like you have the that group of people that it's gonna be like y'all are like I said y'all are using that as an excuse to do this or to feel like this y'all are using this as an excuse those type of people you just gotta get them the boob one your body is changing you know getting fatter faces getting better you eat it more and you just gain it hella weight some people become very insecure when it comes to the way you don't have your body anymore because now it's stretching for a new person to form you have to change your eating habits if you drink alcoholics what we doing the type of drugs you have to cut all that loose not saying that should be hard because you want anyway some people are so addicted this one hand baby said come out with it I just want to try to be strong and like I said reach out to somebody if you feel like my family won't accept me saying something like this or telling them something like this we talk to somebody like I say a therapist or a crisis hotline number or something like that and get to help that to me find something to do find stuff that you are interested in because I was shocking that people when I was going through it and I was just sitting in the house gonna ask me some questions that maybe I did not answer for you then feel free to message me you can message me on instagram you can message me on twitter or facebook whatever you want feel free to contact me i'll be so happy to respond all right in this video make sure that you smash that like button make sure you comment below so that way you get a discussion going make sure you subscribe to my channel and also if you want to see any content let me know below and I'll see you guys in the next video you

4 Replies to “18 & Pregnant | Postpartum Depression 😪| Storytime”

  1. You’re such a strong women ❤️ . You are so blessed and wishing your baby nothing but the best she’s a miracle! keep up the great videos! Love it .

  2. My momma was pregnant at 16 being the oldest I had 9 little brothers and 2 sisters my dad got killed in a wreck me and momma had to work
    I joined the army at 17
    And ya know something it all worked
    Out it will work out
    I promise.

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