19 M is for Miscarriage

how is everybody where are you guys watching from have a message and tell me where you're at so good to see everybody my husband just ran into the room and said honey honey wait I've got to get the baby monitor because my daughter is asleep El Paso Texas awesome i'm in Fort Worth Texas so oh awesome Tennessee oh hi Kristen good to see you there's my husband supporting me from the other room alright so I'm for those of you who don't know me my name is Lauren bye Lauren hi Katie and I scoop every day I just basically share encouragement um for people trying to conceive going through fertility struggles and dealing with loss and miscarriage so we're going through a series fertility A to Z and I'm gonna get right into it today and today we're on em oh you're from Frisco awesome Tiffany thanks for sharing um today we're on em and yesterday we talked about Los elves for loss and so we talked about loss and today we're continuing to talk about loss and was for miscarriage um and if you didn't know I shared this yesterday but October is like national infant and pregnancy loss awareness month and so October 15th is the day for that the national day for that so um you know just be aware in October you may see more people posting about their miscarriages about their losses um so it's just something to be aware of and I'm just kind of trying to bring awareness to miscarriage it something's a lot of people don't talk about and that's okay if you don't if you want that to be a private thing but what happens is a lot of times people feel like they can't grieve and they can't hurt and then it's not a big deal so we're just kind of trying to bring some awareness I've had a lot of people message me and say thank you for sharing it makes me feel like I'm not alone I'm not the only one so so that blesses me thank you so much for your messages I love when you find me um here's how you can find me now finally got one page up on the website we're still working on it to get it ready to launch but you can go to I and fruitful dot org and you can find all the social media links so that's all I've got on the page right now but you can find me you know wherever you hang out like if you're an Instagram person or Facebook you can find me there and I will be trying to post every day so that's that um so we're gonna share some facts about miscarriage before I get into this a lot of people don't know how big of a deal it is and how many people it affects um statistics vary but I feel like a safe one to give is about thirty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage that's one in three and um it's a pretty high statistic but you know most people by the time they find out they're pregnant their risk is lower because your risk actually goes down the farther you are into your pregnancy and most people don't find out right at four weeks if you're going to a fertility treatments you find out super early and so the statistics can be higher because you're finding out a lot earlier so your risk is higher and I'm not sharing all this to scare you or to bring fear I'm just sharing it to bring awareness okay um and so and most of miscarriages occur in the first 12 weeks and I know some of you have had miscarriages at or after 12 weeks and I can't imagine I think that would be so hard um you know and then going through stillbirth and things like that um it's just it's just a really hard thing to talk about um and you know when you're going through fertility treatment you hear your statistics because I heard one like um 75% of pregnancies or of conceptions and in miscarriage but that statistic is based on um a little bit earlier of like fertilization not implantation and so I mean it's just crazy there's lots of stats but it's just good to know that there are a lot of miscarriages probably more people than you think have gone through it and there may be just more private about it so um so just be aware and I want to just kind of bring awareness to the types of miscarriages and this is for people who okay so eight weeks yeah super hard for a child a treatment speak yes they do and I missed your name i think it was Brenda and we're actually going to talk about features and treatments and when we do p so we're going through the alphabet when we get to pee we're doing that so that's just in a couple days I Brenda so join us for that I'd love to hear your thoughts and maybe what you went through when we talk about procedures and treatments so um so here are a few types of miscarriages if you're just not sure you know what what that means even um there are several points so to bowl or a topic that is when the egg fertilizes thanks for inviting followers the egg fertilizes but not in the uterus so the egg fertilized is usually it's in the fallopian tubes and so baby can't grow there and so they have to do a procedure to remove it um recurrent miscarriages when you have like three or more in a row in the first trimester um and that happens you know not as frequently but it does happen we've had three and embryonic pregnancy is when the egg fertilizes an implant but never develops so that happened to you twice and are you talking about the ectopic pregnancy that it happened to you twice I'm thinking I have heard that when it happens it seems to happen it can happen more than once yeah I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that ectopic pregnancies are so tough I've never struggled with one myself but I have friends who have and I just it's so hard I'm so sorry you had to go through that and then of course stillbirth is basically any loss of life after 20 weeks the chemical pregnancy is a really early miscarriage so I hate hate that term chemical pregnancy I hate it so much it sounds so um what's the word like lab I don't know it's just I don't like it um chemical pregnancy we had we had one of those so basically it's before the baby can be seen in an ultrasound and then another one is that you can lose you know if you have multiple birth you know if your multiple pregnancy I don't even know what I'm saying like twins triplets whatever and you can lose one or more baby but still have a baby from that pregnancy so and that is what is well I'm going to segue into my story i'm going to try to share this quickly i'm not going to share all the details but i just want you to hear it so you know that I've been there and then I can relate so that when I do share your like yeah she's been there she understands so here's what happened to us um and then after I share what happened to us i'm going to give you some encouragement i'm going to share something my dad sent me after one of my miscarriages basically that it's not your fault so if you're struggling with guilt and that's a big one that people struggle with it is not your fault i'm going to share that in a little bit ok so um my first uh i'll show you the first one and we try to conceive for about two and a half years and i'm not going to share all the details of our treatments and things today i do want to share that another time but today i'm going to talk about our loss okay so we try to conceive for about two and a half years and we got pregnant and we found after doing treatment and we found out that we were having twins on an ultrasound they were identical twins which means that that was all God which it's always all God but meaning it wasn't a result of you know clomid stimulating my follicles are things like that um dashes details oh oh I don't we Billy you're gonna get me all flustered all right you always have to make some kind of awkward joke okay so I don't even know where I was so we found that we were having twins they're identical twins so they shared a sack and what I was saying was the fact that they were identical twins meant that that was not a result of clomid or any medicine it was the egg was fertilized and split in two that's how identical twins happened and they shared a sec so about a week later our fertility doctor had us go in for like a more high-tech ultrasound sonogram to just since we were high risk um so he wanted to check it out and we went in and the very very rude Sano tech sonogram tech or ultrasound tech whatever informed us in a very blunt way that we just had one beatty um it was devastating and confusing and she she didn't she wasn't very kind at during the whole process and so that made it even harder um and she actually told me right after she told us there was just one that it would be a lot easier that way anyways she said um yeah she wasn't sympathetic at all um I remember her saying something like Oh it'll just this will be easier anyways one's a lot easier um I was just devastated and I was very confused and felt very guilty because I didn't think I could grieve because I still had a baby I still had a baby that was alive the heartbeat was great and so I didn't grieve I I mean I was really sad i was confused I kind of just shoved it down and was grateful for the baby i had so that was the first one i think i was in denial a little bit I would think I was even in denial that there was even to to begin with I know I was cuz I talked to some my friends about it when it happened and I remember saying like I don't even know for sure there were two maybe they weren't but there were and my doctor confirmed it and I snapped out of my denial and and dealt with it but the second miscarriage um we had been trying after my son was born and since he was born even though they say not to we did anyways and um we did IUI and we got pregnant and I knew for five days um I knew for five days and then heard that term chemical pregnancy so they did some blood work and told me I had a chemical pregnancy and that's when I started really hating that term and it was really tough that miscarriage was super tough on our marriage and we did not know how to be there for each other um it was really tough uh for one reason I dealt with my first miscarriage when I dealt with my second miscarriage because all those emotions started flooding back and I realized I hadn't really grieved so I grieved two losses in one it was a twofer so yeah Billy was traveling he was traveling a lot you were gone also for the third one so Brewer third oh and I wanted to share this and this is from this journal that i keep sharing from this is how i felt this is what i wrote down pretty much the day out the day after I found out I just but I'm feeling hurt devastated let down sad lonely frustrated and angry those were all the things I will I was feeling and then I also went on that I was thankful to God for some things so I was really really um I was real with how I was feeling I wrote it down to God and let him know how I was feeling and I really encourage you to do that if you're not a big journal or I understand that but just get a book and even just write down one quick sentence you know how you're feeling every day it can really help to bring out some of the things that are shoved down so deep okay so um here's the third one sorry I'm talking to a quick i'm trying to get through this because i have a lot to share so two months later um i had another one and i shared this yesterday but I had a miscarriage my best friend had a miscarriage um I had another one thank you so much for saying that and then my best friend had another one so there were four between the two of us just in about three months and it was really hard because every time she had one I'm still grieving for mine and just feeling you know feeling hers also because we feel for our friends when they're going through stuff like that um so that was really tough and here's kind of the crazy story about miscarriage number three um I actually went to a Melissa I don't know if you're still on here but she did this really cool thing I think she did it a couple years in a row and I believe Melissa if you're on here i think you called it a walk to or we remember you walk and so we went to that walk and basically it's just um we got little signs with our baby's name or who we were walking for a walk to remember is that it may be a walk to remember there are a couple different ones that you can do but um anyways and they release balloons and you just you just walk and it's kind of a good way to just kind of get some healing and some closure maybe well while I was at that walk walking for my first you know miscarriage my son's twin and then the second miscarriage I got a call from the doctor we had just found out we were pregnant and I got a call from the doctor that my HCG was like at a six which implies miscarriage it should be like well over a hundred at that day it should well well over a hundred so again I was super confused and to be honest with you that miscarriage I read through my journal i 100% believed that that baby would live I'm getting a an alert here my phone I believe that baby would live I had no doubt that God would take care of it and that it would live and not die but it didn't live and so we lost another baby and um you know the Lord spoke to me in so many ways through that I a couple days later was at a habitation it's one of our services at our church with a friend and I just saw this beautiful picture of this is um I think before I found out for sure that we had lost the baby I was still hoping but I saw a picture of Jesus dancing with three small children and it was so beautiful to me it confirmed that those babies are in heaven that I will see them again it gave some value to their lives and just some hope for me so that was a really cool thing seemed tearing up it's still hard to talk about um anyways this is a crazy thing I want to talk about to two or three months later we're you know we're still going through our procedures our treatments every month i'm in and out of the doctor totally being violated like every other day it felt like and um we had for mature follicles one month and previously we had had for the doctor said i don't we're not going to do any procedures too many follicles well this time he said I think we should do it um and this is what he said next well I won't go into all the detail basically he he told me we could do selective reduction and I had no clue what that was even going through all the fertility treatments and being completely anti abortion I didn't know what that was and basically it means if you have for mature follicles your chances of conceiving multiples are really really high and so if you have twins triplets or four you go in after you're pregnant find out how many you have and terminate one or more of babies I had no clue that was even an option and I was just disgusted mostly because I had just lost babies you know and well not mostly there's lots of reasons to be disgusted by that but I had just lost babies and he's sitting here telling me that well we'll just try you'll probably get pregnant and then we'll just terminate one or two of the weaker ones basically I was just emotionally in that time I was confused conflicted devastated hopeful so many things going on and so I say that because if you're going through this there are so many different things that can happen everybody's story is so different and everyone's emotions are different and I just want to tell you that the emotions you feel it's okay to feel those things it's okay to feel emotional it's an emotional time it's good to get a grasp on your emotions but you know what if you're feeling hopeful in one day and sad in one day and and devastated and disgusted and all those things that i shared it's okay it's also a lonely time yeah it's okay so um so I just want to validate that it's okay that you feel all these different things you're not crazy um you're not crazy you're just your normal and you're dealing with grief and you have to allow yourself to grieve that was my number one tip yesterday about dealing with loss is allow yourself to grieve um so we continue trying just like to put a happy note on the story but continue trying and we did about nine months of treatments about 6i u is and we did get pregnant and my daughter is upstairs asleep right now she's 10 months old so happy story this isn't all sad stuff right um but I do want to share this I'm just got with these scriptures up here these are some scriptures that helped me through oh no i hope the light's not too bright and the best way to do this would just be take a screenshot so Oh baby lost hope found she does a vlog about this very issue that's awesome i'm so glad you could join I need to check you out get some tips I am new to this so do a screenshot here are some scriptures and um you can go look those up if you're struggling with this thanks for inviting followers so go with those scriptures up i'm not going to read them all to you um and then this is what I'm gonna read that's so awesome sorry I've got like five different notes oh I missed that last comment sorry all right let me login here my dad sent me an email after baby number two or three I can't remember and um he sent the email because he thought be so emotional to talk about and it was like the most encouraging email he made me feel like there was purpose and hope he validated my emotions without even knowing how I felt oh he lost your baby at 19 weeks oh my gosh I don't know if you're with us at the beginning but we talked about some of the different types of miscarriages and I mean at 19 weeks so anyone who doesn't know this like at 19 weeks you are in the clear that's what they say you're in the clear and you're not a lot of people aren't worried about miscarriage anymore and you know they say at 12 weeks you're in the clear and I'm so sorry that happened to you that's just um it's so hard you're like almost you were already feeling him kick oh my gosh I can't even imagine I mean that's one thing I've said about my miscarriages they all happen so early and um I don't know I think I'll for me personally I can't say this about anyone else but for me personally it would be easier losing them early because you don't feel them kick you don't know struggled with going through more fertility treatments yeah I know we read it too it's really tough you um you have to just decide for yourself and you're gonna make the right choice and you know what if you choose one thing and you feel like it's not working out for you you can always change your mind and you can pray about it and allow God to direct you at that point that was one of the best bits of advice I had actually in childbirth was if you start doing something it's not working out for you you can do something else um so always always following what God wants you to do but thank you for sharing that and being so vulnerable on periscope I appreciate you sharing that so so I'm gonna read what my dad shared with me and I hope this blesses you guys um yeah oh my gosh I'm glad you said that if it's meant to be it'll be I don't know how you feel about that personally um you know I believe that God can use treatments and procedures to help us conceive but I believe ultimately he chooses so you know you just have to you just have to decide what's best for you and do what's best for you and your family and that's gonna be the right thing you know what's right for you isn't right for me and what I did maybe the worst thing for someone else to do it's just all about what God wants you to do for your family so so here's what my dad said to me I'm just gonna read it he said when something good happens we usually say God blessed us but when something bad happens we default to blaming ourselves thinking what sin did i do or what thing did I not do I don't measure up okay i'm gonna try to try to read your comments put your faith out there sorry I missed I missed all those comments that I'll watch him on the replay so so he's saying usually we say what sin did i do or what thing did I do you know I don't measure up this is my fault or this is God's punishment I hope you're thinking hasn't gone down that path is what my dad said if so let me be clear God is full of grace and wants to direct us to a full blessed life he is not a god that throws lightning bowls when we mess up there is nothing you or Billy did to cause this event and nothing you could have done to change the outcome God is in control not us he led her baby as much as he loves you and wouldn't take that life because of something you did or didn't do I hope you guys hearing this I hope you guys are receiving this for for you in your situation that that God is not punishing you you did not do something wrong to cause this I know that so many people feel that way I felt that way and didn't tell anybody except like my closest friend who also was going through it and so I know that if I felt that way other people felt that way too so I hope that you will receive this and know that God is not punishing you he is your daddy he loves you my I know my earthly daddy would never take away something that precious to punish me or you know like I love how he says like throw lightning bolts at you and if that's the God that you know then you don't know the right one um I hope that you can get to know the guy that I know because He loves us and he would never ever punish us like that I'm sorry I'm tearing up I'm all emotional this is emotional subject you know okay so he goes on to say i hope i can see through my crazy tears um god also says he will give you the desires of your heart your desire for much more children will be met okay i'm gonna say that to you your desire for more children will be met sometimes it doesn't look like God or like what we thought it would look like God has you know a different plan sometimes I definitely didn't conceive my children the way I thought I would conceive my husband and I eventually began joking like when we were in the rooms doing our I you eyes and our procedures and our treatments and our tests um joking about how you know this is not how people normally can see you know this isn't as fun and this is so clinical but um you know yeah fun practicing we practiced anyways even though we had to go in for our procedures but um anyways I just want to encourage you it's not your fault I'm sorry that you've gone through miscarriage or miscarriages um I I just hate it I hate it so much and I'm sorry you had to go through it hi Anna and your angel baby is 10 years old oh my goodness see okay glad you said that because you have a date written down um that's another thing I want to encourage you guys if you can write dates down remember them it's good to remember them it's it's sad for a while and it does get easier just like with any loss maybe not easier but the feelings aren't as powerful remember them and another suggestion I have is if you're comfortable with it and you and your spouse agree to it name them um oh he was stillborn yeah we talked about that at the beginning here and you delivered naturally I can't imagine having to go through that um for those of you who don't know like there's different ways that can happen when you have a miscarriage that late or a stillborn and so basically she's saying she had to deliver her baby as if she were delivering her baby that was alive and so that's a really really tough thing it's yeah you can't even imagine I can't imagine either we lost our so early and I cannot imagine that that has to be so hard and I just want to validate that and tell you that I'm sorry so um so it's not your fault um oh and name name them if you can I don't know if any of you have named your babies if you have I one of you put the name of earlier if you have put the names up I would love to see that and we named ours and we have Levi was my son's twin we have harmony and we have Ford the Lord showed us a sure Jude yeah I saw that earlier that's a good one so beautiful a beautiful name um the Lord gave us names for each of our babies and we know genders we feel that we know genders we know the first one's gender and we feel that we know the others so it just brings some healing if you can do that and name your babies send your babies names to Lauren at I am fruitful org I would love to recognize them and my son has one of the names oh I think that's awesome that's awesome that you continue that name on and your family i think that's beautiful one day you can share it with him and it can be really meaningful for your family so email your babies names to Lauren at I am fruitful org on October 15 that's um you know national infant and pregnancy loss awareness day um I'm gonna just do a special thing I'm going to share their names if you have a short story like just a very short maybe like a short paragraph of of your story about loss i'd love to share some stories during october and so if you're emailing me though just understand that i will be sharing them so if you don't want it to be shared on periscope than don't email me so email me also your questions i'm doing q4 questions on saturday and i would love to know what questions you have it can be about miscarriage it could be about procedures a lot of people are curious about different procedures it can be about anything related to fertility and i'm going to pray about all those questions and answer them on saturday so thank you guys so much for joining this was kind of a debbie downer one tomorrow we're talking in and we're talking about in is for negative test we're going to talk about the emotions that come along with that about seeing the negative sign every single month so join with me tomorrow thank you guys so much for supporting me here

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