A Mother Doesn’t Know the Full Extent of Her Daughter’s Sexual Trauma | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

How is she supposed
to learn to put them first if you have them? She can’t trust the
kids with everyone, and it would be hard if a
little boy is bothered and– Well, harder than when
a little girl is bothered? I mean, yeah, but it’s worse. Were you bothered? Yeah. IYANLA (VOICEOVER): When Miss
Illysha says that she was “bothered,” she was
referring to a sexual trauma that she experienced as a child. So in order to heal,
both Illysha and Nakeda must break the
dysfunctional family pattern of violation and silence. The same is true for many women. Do you know that
Nakeda was bothered? – Yes.
– What do you know about that? I know that he
violated her body by looking inside of her to
see if she was still a virgin. Wait a minute.
Hold up. Really? Yeah. And who did that? He was supposed
to have been coming over to chastise her because
I caught her with a boy. And later on she just
looked weird to me, and I was asking her, did
[BLEEP] do anything else to you other than whup you? So [BLEEP] gives her a vaginal
check and then beats her. From what I know. OK. And you were downstairs. And I had no clue. Once I did, I called the
police and let them know that he messed with my baby. IYANLA (VOICEOVER):
This new revelation that Nakeda was violated by
an adult she knew is shocking. But what is far more shocking
is that Miss Illysha does not appear to be aware of the
earlier violation visited upon Nakeda at 12 years old. So you don’t
know what happened to her when she was 12. No. By that time she was
in detention homes. What was she doing
in detention homes? Well, she got violent with me. What about before that? Was she a good girl? Was she a helpful girl? Was she mommy’s helper? Yeah. She was a good girl. She was. Until? Until she was about 11. I want to offer
that the bad behavior might have been a result
of what happened to her. This is a conversation
that I need to have with you and Miss Nakeda.

68 Replies to “A Mother Doesn’t Know the Full Extent of Her Daughter’s Sexual Trauma | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN”

  1. The Mind Is a Terrible Thing To Waste . Too Many Products of the Environment but Does Not Have To Be with The Right Trusted Guidance ❗ WOW ❗ Unbelievable ❗

  2. This is why we should stop and realize a person's actions might really be a REACTION instead of "she's a bad/wild/hard headed child"

  3. at least the mom called the police! it's sad to say that many parents don't even do that or just use forgiveness as an excuse to "move on" from childhooh sexual trauma.

  4. I feel this mother tried and continues to but is worn through to the absolute bone and nakeda might be headed the same way

  5. Damn all these nasty men were just taking advantage and turns on this girl…I would’ve had to kill em. They ruined her life before she had a chance

  6. Wow 😲 they’re still learning about the ills of the trauma that happened to both of them. Both are in need of counseling so they can learn some coping tools.

    I pray they can broke the cycle with the kids

  7. This is very hurtful and sad what is really going on, I am so lost for words. This young woman is so damaged from being repeatly violated.

  8. The mother ain't telling the whole story. Nakeda was prolly a "good girl", but her mother ran the streets and brought no good for nothing men in the home who started messing with Nakeda slowly, but surely. Nakeda grew to resent her mother spending more time with dudes and being happier around strangers she met on the street than her biological daughter.

    The mother neglected her daughters needs – bottom line.

  9. You guys can't say someone is ignorant or that the Mother failed her if you don't know the truth behind their lifestyle. The Mother was violated, had Nakeda at the age of 14 and wasn't mothered and so it left her not knowing how to give that mothering knowledge to her daughter. They both were violated and instead of you guys passing judgment pray for them and that they receive the help that they need. Both of them are victims.

  10. I still can’t get over the fact that she asked a man to chastise her daughter, why not do it herself? Your job is to protect your daughter and teach her about values and morals. If I was a mother, I would never allow any man, I don’t care if it’s a relative or not to be alone with my daughter, what kind of toxic behaviour is this?!

  11. This makes my heart hurt. Both the mom and the daughter experienced traumas, that if not stopped, will continue to affect their children's children. Demonic activity is not just the ghostly figures we see on TV, but the spiritual attacks and assignments that have been designed to destroy emotionally, physically, mentally and most of, all spiritually. Then we don't feel worthy of forgiveness for our actions so we don't seek to understand and do better. My prayers go out to them.

  12. Always keep your eyes on your children. Ask, ask, ask & ask your kids questions all the time……trust nobody!!!

  13. As (Black) women, we MUST end the generational, sexual trauma. WHY would you allow an outside man permission to “discipline” YOUR child anyways?

  14. There has to be bouts or forms of retardation going on. She was violated as a child but allows it to happen to her child?! To have a man come in to chastise? Wtf is really going on?! This woman is less than 50 and still has slave talk going on. "Bothered?" Dafuk?!

  15. Stop keeping family secrets, talk to
    Your children, be your children’s protector even if it’s from family or friends

  16. Who calls another man- outside the biological father, to come and whoop they child?tf???!!! Wish I could see the full episode bc I need an understanding.

  17. Why would you send a man that's not the girl's biological father to chastise her physically while you're downstairs???

  18. Hold up! I know the mother must of had a screwed up childhood but she still has to be held accountable for her actions just like her daughter. There’s no excuse. My grandmother had a screwed up childhood so my mother did too then she screwed up her kids minds at an early age. I had kids pretty young but any mistake I made no one felt sorry for me but I took responsibility for everything but I never did anything that bad. Regardless of what mistakes I made for having kids early I moved to another state with my husband and our kids and put myself into counseling to help me cope I’m with all the dysfunction in my family. I was always a good mother but I became a better person and happier so now kids are happier so everything changed for the better. I learned how to parent when my kids were still very young and thank God they don’t remember anything and forgot all the fighting with my family. I don’t talk to any of my family anymore and people want to be like well it’s your family so give them a second chance and your mother had a messed up childhood too! People want to give her excuses but not me! I could of screwed up my kids too but I chose to give them better that what my mother gave me. It’s all about choices! If you want to live all horrible and miserable go ahead and see how far you and your kids make it.

  19. I hate when I miss the episode on TV and go to on demand and it makes u wait till the next Saturday to watch it ugh I missed out☹️

  20. Powerful stuff but also enlightening at the same time. Miss Iyanla says to the mother, OK so she was a good girl and mommy's helper until about 11 – did you ever stop to think that something might have happen to her right around that time to make her act out and be violent.

  21. I'm still stuck on where she said "it's worst for a boy to be bothered" …. Ms.Iyanla should have checked that at the door. That's some of the problem right there.

  22. The saying “Black mothers love their sons and raise their daughters” is definitely operating in this situation. It’s legacy of patriarchy and putting more value on the lives of males than females and it’s legacy of the atrocities of racial slavery. Racism seemingly exacerbates the pre-existing patriarchal pattern of overvaluing males and treating females as disposable drudges in the black community. Anyway, this saying basically signifies the African American communal overprotectiveness of black males while leaving black females to fend for themselves with predatory and exploitative males, from the coddling of toddler boys to a reluctance to report the acts of RAPE and INCEST some of these black males are committing. It needs to stop.

  23. Tbh, mothers, sisters, and other female family members need to start SHUNNING the men who engage in these vile socially destructive acts against women & children. Stop giving them places to live, stop making excuses for them, stop inviting them to family holidays, stop giving them money, and stop doing anything for them. Women are the ones who care for the sick, the elderly, and the children in their families when there is no professional care. See how long they last. See how well their “boys” support them if they’re sick with a long term illness or, even worse, dying of a terminal disease like this jackazz sexual predator. You think one of your “boys” would sit up and feed you if you can’t eat or bathe you and change your diaper for months on end if you get sick? Women do that, often female family members. Please.

    If a son of mine ever disrespected me as a woman by becoming a rapist or a child molester, they would cease to be my son. Part of the reason these males engage in these destructive, anti-social, sexually predatory behaviors unimpeded is because their female family members (often their enabling mothers or their spouses) make excuses for them and apathetically stand by while it happens. If you betrayed my trust and love as your mother to sexually prey on the sisters that you were supposed to be protecting under my roof, you are not my son. If that was my son, he would have died alone and had to arrange his own end of life care. And he could have been dumped in a paupers grave for all I cared.

  24. I honestly don't understand this passive parenting
    I was sexual abused by my mum's husband and it's like my mum was sleeping!!!
    Open your eyes and be watchful over your children

  25. These mothers never seem know what’s wrong their kids. They just simply beat their kids with the nearest object.

  26. :// so she let a man come in and look up her daughter?… y couldn’t she get her checked at the doctors if it was that serious

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