Anthony Kavanagh – L’accouchement (Childbirth) – English subtitles

Woman is superior to Man, why? What is the hardest thing we can do on Earth ? Giving birth… Giving birth to a child ! For men it’s dish washing… Giving birth, men will NEVER know that ! …Fortunately ! Hours and hours of pain, in an incomfortable position,
You want to die It’s not coming out, no it’s not, it’s not coming out
You can’t wait for this to finish, it’s disgusting you… And I’m just talking about the conception ! And there are more and more couples who want to know the gender of their child in advance Thus they have a sonogram exam. I want to know NOTHING, if I go to the hospital and the physician tell me
“Oh Mr. Kavanagh what I see on the screen is…” NO no I don’t wanna know ! *Lalalala* But it’s time for you to know, he’s in kindergarten, the poor thing ! Then they go to a lesson class to learn to give birth without any pain… That’s so great It’s there that women learn all kind of ninja breathing techniques *breathes like a ninja* And it’s at this time that men learn that they are absolutely useless during this period of pregnancy “Hello sirs, what are you gonna do here today?
-Hehehe… We’re gonna have a baby hehe…” “I am the dad…” “…That’s me right ? Yeah that’s me !” And for the next 9 months the couple becomes closer, until the final goal : the childbirth. “…Honey, I’m so proud to be the father of your child…” “I will love you for all my life” “-I love you too.” “I want a natural childbirth, because I want to be conscious of everything which is happening.” “To live everything fully” And let me tell you that on the childbirth day, she’s… VERY conscious. “Smile honey, I love you ! Smile !
-Aaaaah!” “Go away with you video camera, you’re repelling me!” *breathes* “It hurts, Mom told me, it’s YOUR fault !” “You will never touch me AGAIN !” “Honey, say something to the video camera ! Smile!
-Give me that!” “Your mother sucks dicks in hell!!!!” “But darling, we’re gonna have a baby !
-No no no, lip-read : I’M GONNA HAVE A BABY !!” “All you’re gonna have is a video tape!” And then the… *laughs* I played this around 600 times and I still laugh at my crap/crock. I begin again : “But hon…” *laughs* “But honey, we made it together, with love !” “Don’t talk to me about you LITTLE contribution!” “I had more pleasure last time I changed my Tampax !” “And at least I was feeling fresh…” And then the Vietnamese physician interferes in :
“OK Madam, OK Sir, Hello Madam, now you have to push the baby” “In the hand ! Push the baby in the hand !” “Doctor, it hurts, doctor…
-It’s normal, it’s normal ! “Doctor, give me something against the pain, give me something to fall asleep, anything…” “… Heroin!” “Morphin ! An episode of Derrick!” [boring German tv show] “It’s normal, it’s normal ! Ouch-ouch it hurts with the baby ! Ouch-ouch now you have to push in the hand, push !” “You stop telling me to push and come seek it !” “Where is he? Call him on his cellphone…” “Doctor, what’s going on, is he coming with the car seat or something ??!!” “It’s normal, it’s normal ! How are you feeling right now madam?” “You stupid yellow crapy incompent…hmhmuom” “Oh oh she’s insulting me… it’s normal, it’s normal !” “Excuse her, Doctor, she’s not like that, usually…” “No because usually I don’t have Obelix [big French character] who comes out between my legs !” “I’m suffering, I’m suffering…
-I’m suffering with you, my love, I’m here…” “NO ! no no no! I’m suffering ! I’m suffering !” “You want to suffer?” “I slept with your brother !!!” “NOW you’re suffering ! Ahaha arhghh…” “Who bore it for 9 months ? Who won’t be able to sit for weeks ? Who looks like Free Willy ?” “That’s me… OH he’s coming out of my belly ! He’s coming out of my belly !” “It’s normal, it’s normal !” “Push the baby, madam, push the baby !” *POOF* “Oh oh oh that’s a beautiful baby, look at him…
Oh look ! He’s coming with the cable !” And then the father is overtaken by events, and the doctor asks him to cut the umbilical cord. “Congratulations Mr. Picard ! You have a beautiful boy !
*SNIP* “… Congratulations you have a beautiful girl !”

18 Replies to “Anthony Kavanagh – L’accouchement (Childbirth) – English subtitles”

  1. Pour les hommes , c'est la vaisselle et pour les femme c'est … L'ACCOUCHEMENT ! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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