Carrie and Dale- Stillbirth Story- Don't Talk About the Baby

this is our story about our son Landon so we had Landon in May of 2014 we found out we were pregnant and late and well mid of mid 2013 and we decided to find out he was a boy and shortly before his due date we had a c-section with our oldest daughter Elise and we were eagerly awaiting for his arrival and just a week well a few days before his due date we found out that he didn't have a heartbeat and throughout my pregnancy starting at 28 weeks I was having weekly ultrasounds I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and so they at 28 weeks start doing weekly biophysical ultrasounds and then every third week they do a growth ultrasound and so they were you know monitoring him to make sure that everything was okay because with high blood pressure you can have issues with your blood not transferring to the baby and so they were just you know being cautious and monitoring things to make sure he was alright and with every ultrasound at the end like Oh everything looks great we'll see you next week but 38 weeks it wasn't great I remember walking into my appointment telling the lady that was gonna do the ultrasound he must be sleeping because they haven't felt him this morning so she was looking for a heart being couldn't find anything so Kerri called me at work and we had to UM deal with the news that that morning I just put his car seat in the car because we thought it was a done deal and when I say done deal we were ready to welcome him home we had never experienced anybody who had lost a child or had lost a pregnancy so when you're expecting a child near that far along I think you just take for granted society takes for granted that they'll be here with you and we had to go home the doctor sent us home she didn't know how this had happened and which was also difficult we just wanted to deliver our baby right away and see him but in we went home and the next morning we delivered him via c-section he was healthy around healthy but he was 7 8 pounds 10 10 fingers 10 toes and we found out that what had taken him from us was a knot in his umbilical cord and so from then on we always bring lollipops with us our daughter Elise um had called him lollipop through the whole pregnancy um she always wanted to meet lollipop she couldn't wait to meet lollipop um so his nickname was lollipop and when we had his funeral a few days after his delivery we gave everybody lollipops at the funeral and to this day whether we have Christmas cards pictures I guess the lollipop is what we have to symbolize him that we always take with us so um so life moved on we went back to work we had to deal with an empty empty baby room all of his things were still there we didn't touch them but I don't carry lots of go on here but we soon found out five months after losing him that we were pregnant again I think there was this urge to want to fill that room and want to keep growing our family we thought maybe we should have waited longer but we decided we wanted we had a right to keep growing our family we wanted to do that and having gone through a loss and a tragedy like that finding out you're pregnant again is has a world of emotions you're worried that it's going to repeat itself you're worried about finding a doctor and a team that's going to get you through that next pregnancy and it was difficult we interviewed six different doctors before we found one that would look at our baby's umbilical cord throughout the pregnancy and that was very hard to deal with several doctors told us that they didn't want to look at the umbilical cord because they didn't want a pea to put it put in a position to deliver an early baby if they found something and so that was hard it was hard on both of us yeah and having a subsequent pregnancy after loss it's for me it was very difficult you know it's to come to terms you know why why does this child get the care that my other child should have had you know always wondering what if things would have been different you know would he still be here I still to this day wish that things would have been different I remember having a conversation with my OB in regards to the care that I would receive with land and the son that we lost and we were talking about the weekly ultrasounds and she said that studies have shown that we used to do NST so non stress tests with the ultrasounds and they chose not to do them because studies have shown there is no benefit and I wish that you know I would have asked her show me the studies you know what studies are there that you can tell me that if there is a baby that's in distress they won't be picked up with the NSPS any any better than what you would get with the biophysical you know what what things could have been different is my my regret and so with our subsequent pregnancy I demanded NS TS and ultrasounds and we ended up having you know to ultrasounds and to n SD s every week at 32 weeks until we delivered but you know I always think of landon and you know what life would be like if he was still here there's still part of us that always wants to go back yeah I think when you lose a child it's you always say what if you know what if we would have asked what if we would ask more questions what if we would have had more time what if we would have had a different doctor what if there's signs during the pregnancy that we should have been looking for and those are things when you talk about our extended family that we ask each other but we don't often talk to our extended family about I just think it's I think it's something they know we have to deal with but not something they necessarily are ready to deal with or just want to get in the details that much our family has been very supportive they walked with us today in honor Landon and the star Legacy walk but I think my biggest fear as I as we go through year after year now we're not even two years past losing him is not hearing his name just if sometimes I feel like people might be two steps farther than we are I'm getting getting over it but there is no getting over it um something we need to live with the rest of our lives and it's just some days are easier than others and I think my biggest fear is are we honoring him enough because he existed he was a little boy he could have lit he was far enough along in the pregnancy that he could have lived by himself and he could have he could he was viable and to just know that he was here on earth and that he meant something to a lot of people is something that I want to keep trying to find ways to do but I think we're still so early in losing him that I haven't found what that is yet I don't know what we're gonna do in ten years donner him or 20 or 30 right now I think it's still just early enough that we're trying to get through some days it's just getting through the day but as we said earlier we were fortunate to have another baby we did welcomed another son Lucas into the world this last May when we found out it was another boy it was all mixed emotions we um at her 20 week ultrasound the they knew what we had gone through and she looked and the lady said do you want to know what you're having and I honestly didn't know what to say because I didn't know if it would make me feel better or worse and I think we just said yeah let's well tell us and she said what did she held Carey's hand and she said what what baby did you lose last year and we said a little boy and um she took carries hand and she said well you're having another boy you're gonna get another chance but it and having another boy go ahead it doesn't make it easier you still you know miss the child you lost but I will say having Lucas is that joy that you wanted to have with Landon and your earlier your heart is full of joy full of joy having another baby and a healthy baby and not having to go through that tragedy again but when you get home um with your next child you realize that it's not okay there's still something huge that's missing it should be there um so yeah I don't um one thing that I wish that would change is that there's a Smith conception that after 12 weeks you you make that 12-week mark with your pregnancy that everything will be fine you know you just have to make it to the finish line to the forty weeks and that is not the case there are so many babies that don't get to the forty weeks and including myself I was so naive that there's nothing good at you know nothing will happen once I got past that 12-week mark nothing will happen I remember working with a gentleman and he could obviously tell you know that I was pregnant and he had to ask you know when are you due and I had said in May and he made some comment I can't exactly remember what he said but it it's basically no don't count your chickens before they hatch and I just thought oh nothing's going to happen you know perf I'm perfectly fine and be monitored I'm going to have weekly ultrasounds but you know it happened to me and I just want people to realize that it can happen to anybody and you need to advocate for your baby you need to ask questions because you don't want it to be you you know it will happen to somebody but don't let it be you and so ask those questions demand care you don't want the doctor to make choices that are going to affect your life for the rest of your life so be involved in your care and your baby's care and I think that's one thing that you know I'm hoping that his legacy legacy will be that we can help other mothers and let them know that you know you deserve to know what is happening with your baby mm-hmm and the other thing I would say is she said mothers but fathers when you lose a child whether after pregnancy or during pregnancy rightfully so there's a lot of attention that's given to the mother because she's physically healing as well as emotionally healing but the dads are also a silent victim that I think a lot of the men are looked they're supposed to be strong and a lot of men even historically have been you know silent on these issues and have not felt like they needed to be very vocal and emotional but I would say it is right and it is okay and it is it is acceptable for father to show emotion and to be to want help and to ask people to be around them losing the the dad you don't have to be the hero you're in pain and you're suffering as much as as as the mother is and it's okay to ask for help from co-workers and friends and family and you need dads also need to know that they're not going through this alone and that the more more people you know are probably also have gone through something similar and and you have to realize that you know we just didn't lose a son our daughter lost a brother our parents lost a grandson our our siblings lost a nephew and and our nieces and nephews lost a cousin so it's not just us that were impacted it's it's many many people that's and I would just say around you know this whole issue that the society I hope that someday society changes that these babies are recognized and remembered more than they have been in the past because I do think that it has a greater impact and a greater toll than a family traditionally has spoken about and they need to be remembered and they have a voice and that it's okay even though it's painful I know for land and sake we will continue to speak his name and we will continue to make our friends and families and co-workers remember who he was because he is our son yep and and we love him and we miss him and we just hope that he's proud of us

22 Replies to “Carrie and Dale- Stillbirth Story- Don't Talk About the Baby”

  1. Stories like this is why I went crazy with my pregnancies and thankfully because of it my third is alive. She had a Knott in her cord and I demanded an nst test cuz I felt off and her heartbeat was so off that they decided to do csection and when they did not only was her cord wrapped around her neck but she had 2 knotts in her cord. They said it's a miracle she survived especially with how those Knotts were. I just think every woman should be monitored more after 32 weeks. Or come up with a way to monitor cords cuz cord accidents simply shouldn't be a thing in this age. I'm so sorry for your guys loss. He was beautiful!

  2. To all of the parents, family members, and all who care. Watch our story and you will know the TRUTH of your child (all children). This will be the best 17 minutes you spent listening to a story all year long. My baby died 05/07/18 at almost 4 months old. And if you want more, I have 5 more stories to tell that revolve around my baby girl and is true of ALL of the precious ones throughout history and that have yet to come!

  3. What a beautiful little boy. And you are so right. Educate yourself about all things related to giving birth. It’s a long story but if I hadn’t been totally into educating myself about childbirth, my doctor would have aborted my 6th child because at 6 months along, I looked full term and he wanted to induce my labor. I asked him if there was protein in my urine? He said no. That would have indicated that my placenta was breaking down. I asked a few more question that would have indicated my baby was in distress. The answer was no to all. To make a long story short, my son weighed 11lbs. My grandmother was a big Norwegian woman and she had a 14lb baby. All 11 of her children were large babies. Her shortest son was 6’4’. And she had 8 boys. We give too much power to doctors. There are times we need to listen, but they’re human, and prone to mistakes like the rest of us. In my case, I saved my son’s life and learned the value of learning all I could about childbirth.

  4. Your Beautiful Baby boy Landon matters.
    You never get over the loss of a child.
    I have lost several children. It is now 15 years later. There is not a day that goes by that my husband and I do not think of each beautiful
    Little one. We honor each child and write letters, send up balloons, with messages attached and donate to childrens hospital in honor of our beloved gifts.
    I believe that your Landon is
    so very Proud of his Mom and Dad.
    Please stay strong and remember Landon as you Always do.
    My thoughts and prayers are with
    You and your family💝

  5. A huge misconception I have found that people have is that they think you would rather not hear the name of the loved one that you’ve lost. That you would rather not talk about them. I think the opposite is scarier. That their name doesn’t get brought up, and they get forgotten. That is the worst.

  6. I’m very sorry for your loss☹️ it’s so scary and I sharing this story really opened my eyes. We take pregnancy for granted but I guess life isn’t always fare ☹️♥️

  7. This couple is so blessed to be able to share their emotions so openly. Especially the husband, who is just as upset and crying as his wife, and unashamed.

  8. He is so beautiful! I lost my daughter month ago at 39 weeks. It hurt so much that some days I just don't believe I can live on.

  9. This made me cry…you could see the parent’s ultimate love for their child. Im a mother too and i cannot imagine this kind of pain. I went thru 2 miscarriages and i felt devastated already, what more with stillbirth? Wish this couple well and hugs from afar. Landon was so beautiful and he is an angel watching over his siblings now.

  10. This is a subject so close to my heart and i have all the same questions this family have. I went into labour at 38 weeks I went to the hospital and they told us they couldn't find our baby's heartbeat. Our baby boy Arron was born on 8th April 2017 at 12:30am weighing 6lb 3oz. We had his funeral on 25th April 2017 which was a very difficult time no parent should have to bury there child 😢😭

  11. my goodness..what a sweet, beautiful baby boy!! I want to hug you both..I wish you both peace in your heart you will see him again!

  12. Landon is an angel. I was going to have a new sister. but she died my mom's stomach. why do babies die they don't do anything bad.

  13. 💔💔 my heart breaks for you. My daughter died 6 months ago on October 15. Somedays I don't feel like I'm going crazy! That was my first baby. My heart is so broken and that's something that I have to live with for the rest of my life. Nobody understands my pain.😔😞😖😢

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