Cycle 20: We Had An Early Miscarriage/Chemical Pregnancy

so at this point I thought I'd already had my period and I wasn't expecting anything and honestly I'd never had implantation bleeding so I didn't think I didn't think anything of it so I'd gone to the doctor they ran all those tests on I believe it was Wednesday I got a call saying everything's all good all your tests were negative you just follow up with OB and you guys can go from there okay because this was my primary care physician that I had seen okay I didn't think that follow up with OB meant anything and so I had been taking my temperature and that kind of threw me off because um I'd been taking my temperature and I had even messaged Casey and I said look this looks really weird because my temperature is still really high and for a pre-op ulation temperature it's really high um Thursday I went to work and I'd gotten up in the morning and my temperature dropped and I think that's when I messaged Casey and I said my friend Casey and I said this doesn't look right the only time I've ever had this is right before I've started my period but I think I had my period last week and I told her at in that text I'm starting to think this is a chemical pregnancy and so I immediately called the nurse line and they said it would take them I'm not an OB pay like I'm not pregnant so they've got like a longer window of time to call me back in and so I said okay so they called me back the next morning it was it was great I was actually on my way to go pick up my husband when they called me and she said your blood work was referred up to us from family health and I said okay I was like well I'm really confused what's going on I said I'd take my temperature I'm doing what you know I don't I don't know what what is happening and then I started having spotting again so I and she basically said that the family health doctor had run two types of pregnancy tests a quality Vanda quantitive the quality gives you a yes or no and that is what the tech read back to me the quantitive counts your level of HCG and they forwarded that up to OB because at that point any time that they find like a low amount of HCG in your blood but your pregnancy test still says negative they let OB deal with that which I guess I understand and so she said as of right now you're pregnant but it's not looking good and I was I was literally driving on the highway and so it didn't like I didn't know what to say I didn't I didn't have any questions to ask or I just asked her if I could call them back because I was on my way to Heathrow and um I was gonna get lost if I wasn't paying attention and so she asked me to come back in and have them run another HCG and I said okay so I did that and that was Friday evening like Friday afternoon and then we can kind of went by the cramping got worse the bleeding got heavier um I didn't have to work so I just kind of laid around and didn't I didn't do much um Monday morning came and I did the gate they gave me like an odd appointment it's like a lunch hour appointment or something like that basically to get in for an ultrasound as soon as possible and so at that point she did confirm that basically we were having a chemical pregnancy and I hate the phrase chemical pregnancy as much as I hate the phrase or the term spontaneous abortion which they use for miscarriage you didn't spontaneously decide to have an abortion you had a miscarriage is something I just hate when they say those words to you when you're in the hospital so she said that it Chemical pregnancy at very early miscarriage and that it looked like everything was looking good everything was looking as it should when I went back to the ultra set I went back on Friday to have another scan so there was five days in between and everything was had disappeared and there was it was nothing there was a completely blank blank ultrasound but yeah we are back at square one we were trying for those of you that don't know we were trying to conceive and for almost two it's almost been two years and that was the most devastating part about the entire thing we had our miscarriage before we got the spontaneously pregnant and we weren't planning it and so by the time that I found out I was pregnant I was excited and everything but it was a different feeling of loss this feeling of loss is is different than the last time because I feel like I tried so hard I feel like we tried so hard and so long to just be left completely utterly heartbroken so I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry but I'm sorry so so that's it so basically I had implantation bleeding and that was not a period they told us that because it was so early and everything got was whatever that was gone by itself should just be constantly taking ovulation tests and try as soon as possible and we will do that we've also scheduled a consultation with a fertility clinic here in Cambridge and so we're gonna see them and hopefully they'll be able to give us some help hopefully they'll be able to monitor us and point us in the right direction and help us get this done or help us realize that this is not something that we should be doing anymore I don't know all of my levels are great my AMH my FSH everything is amazing and so and my levels are not like don't correspond with my age they correspond with somebody much younger than me and so my doctor feels like I want always reminding me to move my doctor feels like there's no reason why we couldn't get pregnant with just using Coleman I am starting to think that it's the lining of my uterus but I don't know guys anyway I just wanted to share that with you for anybody that has possibly gone through this because like I said this was a very different experience for me and it when you try so long for something you feel really really defeated and it's it's a hard thing you gotta just like pick yourself back up and keep going and so that's what we're gonna do and I will update you guys we are gonna be doing some things different in our next cycle so I will keep you guys posted so that's it that's everything that's been going on I'm sorry if this is all over the place and the lighting changed a bunch of times but I will see you guys in my next video okay or I mean we call these cakes I guess or molten cakes in the States but I've been after a pudding for quite some time in these are one of my favorite like store-bought puddings

13 Replies to “Cycle 20: We Had An Early Miscarriage/Chemical Pregnancy”

  1. I’m so sorry, Kristen! I follow you more on Instagram but have been subscribed to you forever. The TTC journey is so hard and you’re right, loss while TTC is SO different. It’s a whole new level of emotions. I just had an early miscarriage this cycle as well and it’s so difficult. The emptiness is daunting. Praying for you.

  2. I am so sorry for you Kristen. Sending my thoughts and prayers to your family. I too, have had a miscarriage and my brother and sister in law lost their baby at full term. They have since had my beautiful niece and nephew. In fact she was able to conceive fairly quickly after the loss. I know that doesn’t make it any easier, but know you are not alone and you are a very strong woman for going through this.

  3. I cried together with you through the entire video.
    I have been married for 9 years and at first, my husband and I couldn't get pregnant.
    It took me roughly 3 years to get pregnant, and lost the baby fairly quickly. My baby tried to fight for his life but didn't manage. It took me 3 weeks to understand that the life I was growing inside of me ceased to do so.. I wss recommended to do an abortion because 3 weeks has passed and yet the baby was still inside of me and my body wouldn't let it go. When it finally did, 3 weeks later, I didn't. I couldn't say goodbye.
    I understand everything: your loss. Your struggle. Your emotions. The feeling of despair and thinking that there is nothing anyone can do to make thing right.
    But let me tell you something –
    A. You are an amazing woman.
    B. We all have been there and if we give up now we will never make thing right
    C. Have faith. In god. In yourself. In good things that will be coming your way.
    I feel you, I can't stop crying even now, when writing you this response.
    My story did not end there and yours won't either.
    I now have 2 children – a girl and a boy who make me so happy and fullfilled. They are my dream come true.
    Your dreams too, will come true.
    Keep dreaming and have faith. Don't give up. Don't lose hope.
    I promise you that this pain you are feeling will pass and you will be holding a baby girl / boy sooner thah you think.
    You will be an amazing mother and you children will be very lucky.

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