Dads suffer miscarriage too | Tips from Channel Mum

hi welcome back to our channel Mun playlist we are JK and Charlie we're couple vloggers we vlog with our baby boy Noah we've been vlogging with channel mum for a while now and normally our videos fairly light answers because I think that's the kind of people we are but we thought it might be about time to actually talk about something quite real quite a serious that happened to us on our journey to becoming parents because it might be something you're going through right now or you may have been through or may go through in the future and we think it's something that should be talked about I have blogged about it quite a lot on my blog but we've never done a video on it have we yeah and what we're talking about is miscarriage and fertility issues and all the things that we had to go through in order to have our beautiful baby boy Noah very potted history because I think this is one for another vlogs it's so long we had two missed miscarriages so we lost two babies before we got our beautiful boy and had spells infertility and all sorts of stress and operations and things like that quite a difficult journey to get to where we are today but I'm gonna stop rambling now because the purpose of this video is I think women talk about miscarriage and women read about other women's experiences I think sometimes we don't really know what our partners go through and I think that is something I was guilty of thinking about my own feelings way too much when we were going through it because men have miscarriages too so really what I wanted to do in this video if you don't mind is kind of asking you how you felt cuz I know how I felt particularly our first miscarriage it wasn't found out until our 12-week scan so we went along to a 12-week scan thinking we were gonna see this beautiful baby and we were all hyped up weren't we I had absolutely no no indications or signs that our baby had died you know inside me a few weeks previously I know that my world fell apart in that room at that time and I don't think I've ever really asked you how you felt so I don't how how did you feel how do you feel it's a real difficult one because I think you know guys that have have gone through this with their their partners their wives you my instant thought is absolutely yes that you know that my world totally collapse but my instinct is to protect you and my feelings were how can I make this better how can I make this right how can I make you feel less pain and I think that's a that's a guy thing that's a natural guy thing that you just want to protect you know your partner how can I make this just you know a tiny bit better and I think that I'd put my feelings aside to try and concentrate on on your feelings now it's fair to say that you know I'm not too hot when it comes to my emotions I'm not you know they're not really on the outside you have to dig pretty deep to get them but I think in this sort of situation you have to dig deep and I think like I said you know it's this sounds harsh but I wasn't carrying our child you know I didn't have those feelings you had those feelings and you know it's just I can't even comprehend what it was like to have you know something so precious inside you and and all of a sudden for that heartbeat to stop and for our child you know to to not be you know alive to not be around and I think you just go into instant protection mode and try and make things better because do you remember quite a lot of the time I think I gave you quite a hard time after after after both their majesty because I felt like that you didn't you weren't grieving as much as I was grieving and I sort of needed you to grieve as well because you were the only other person in this with me and I knew you just kept saying you know my job is to look after you and I get so cross with you because I wanted to see you cry or to smash something up or because that's what I was doing wasn't I was I I went through all the stages of grief I think you do when you lose a baby you go through anger you go through hate you go through sadness you go through blaming yourself but with you I can't wasn't seeing that process happening and so there was a few times I thought you just didn't care as much I think I knew deep down you did yeah but I I needed to see something from you do you get why I needed that no I do get that but also there is there's a real fine line of trying to deal with the current situation and there's also a fine line to try and make sure that we we focus on the future but not forgetting our past so you know of course we have you know two little babies you know up there somewhere you know whatever you believe in but also I knew that we had to keep going we had to look at our future we had to to try and get you know a miracle child and eventually we did and sometimes I think you know you may seem that as that might seem a bit harsh I don't know you know if you think that but for me it was all about keeping your mind on the future and trying to be positive but not forgetting you know our babies it's it's a real real difficult situation and also when there are hormones flying everywhere and there's sadness and there's grief to try and get that right I think genuinely is impossible you know you might be a dad out there and you've got it's spot on I'll take my hat off to you but I don't think I did no you did it's just I think talking about it it's quite interesting because I think a lot of people will be going through all these emotions and stuff I think what you did looking back is actually lovely your instant reaction after both times so I had to go into hospital and have a procedure to remove the pregnancy both times which in itself is stressful having an operation your way of dealing with it was to make sure I had all the food I needed or the drink I needed the medication yeah indistinct yeah you went into the protection mode didn't you and brought or made sure I had my profile all that stuff rather than the kind of like I just needed to lie on the floor and cry – I couldn't cry anymore but there's you know there's a there's a theme throughout this which is us guys apart from the emotional side we don't have to go through you know what you have to go through and that is really you know having a child you know having missed miscarriages having an operation to you know remove our baby we we will never go through that we have no comprehension of what that you know what that feeling is so we just have to try and protect you in any way that that we can but not knowing truly how how that feels Joe the first time and it's quite recent that I actually felt that you had listened to my crazy emotions about the whole thing was when you gave me this necklace at Christmas oh yeah I've got this necklace on now I thought I'd wear it for this piece Jay gave it to me would you wanna explain it it's basically three hearts cuz I was a Christmas last Christmas I was carrying our son Noah and I was quite heavily pregnant and you gave me this necklace three hearts too hot I don't start crying this is the point alpha crying it's light it's okay two hearts to represent our babies that we lost and one to represent Noah yeah yeah that was a big thing a big gesture yeah you thought about that you know I did I did you know a typical guy thing here just going no no it's not making me feel awkward you know at that time that's what I thought and it just that year like he said I think for you you just you now know that I was always thinking about it and it took you know just a necklace to do that and what can be just a piece of jewelry but actually has meaning at her sentiment and if that's you know or value to you and you really appreciated that then I did something wrong you did look than once so just maybe sisal wrap this up what would be perhaps your one bit of advice for a man maybe or a woman going through this who's struggling with with her partner I think just try and it's try and get into your partner's head which I think we do with everything in life the try and think ahead try and and imagine what your partner's going through but also yeah don't you know you're going through stuff as well it's you know there are two people in this relationship and I think I will always still say protect and just try and make things better in whatever way you can in your relationship but you need to look after yourself so like I wanted you to go and talk to a friend or a family member or something and you didn't I think often men close down I think it's important for the woman although you're going through so much pain to still keep an eye on on your man as well to make sure that they're okay do you think that's good advice yeah yeah we're okay I do feel quite awkward actually can we wrap it up there and you're gonna dig deeper and deeper

22 Replies to “Dads suffer miscarriage too | Tips from Channel Mum”

  1. Thank you so much for making this .. I lost our baby last Tuesday (6-28-16) and I've had such a hard time finding something that talks about both sides.. I think we often forget because of what's happened that they hurt too. It was nice to hear it from a mans perspective so I can try and help my husband.

  2. Thanks so much for sharing this, really perfect to hear from you both.  We went through missed miscarriage and it took me way longer to get over it than I expected, it felt very lonely and I'm sure this will be watched by couples to help them talk.  xx

  3. Such a lovely video guys, what a strong and inspiring couple you are. So many people go through this and don't talk about it enough, so brave to share your story and try to help others in a similar situation who don't know where to turn. Sending much love to you both and all the other couples out there who've shared your sad experiences. xxx

  4. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and how you felt. I wish you only the best and I hope that you will never have to go through such a difficult time.

  5. You two are so brave and inspirational. Well done both of you for talking about this, I think this will help a lot of people. Also I think the necklace has such a beautiful meaning xx

  6. Well done to both of you for doing this. I think you will help a lot of people going through the same thing. It was very emotional and you are both very brave. I am glad you got your happy ending in the shape of your beautiful Noah. x

  7. Really great video discussing a difficult subject . I suffered 3 early miscarriages before my beautiful son. It's the most heart breaking thing and so traumatic. So glad it's being discussed more as when you go through it you feel like the only one and it's very common .and interesting from a Dads point of view x

  8. Yes, I also had 2 missed miscarriages at 12 weeks – it's utterly devastating for you both as a family. It's so important to grieve together and to talk together. Sending much love, I know thinking about it makes me feel so sad, even tho I have a wonderful baby who is nearly 15 months old. xxxx

  9. I had three miscarriages before my special little man 💙 I feel both your pain.. As in the end I really nearly gave up, as it's so hard to go through. My partner was the same and he buried it in a box and shuts off about it.. I felt the complete same, I just wanted him to show me how he felt. But the outcome is so worth it as my little dude is the most amazing gift I could have ever gotten 💙

  10. Yes to everything in this video. I gave birth at 22 weeks to our girl in June this year (while abroad) and I agree. Men deal with it so differently and sometimes it's so frustrating. And because men often don't show much emotion it made me worry about him. He only properly broke down once and that was when we were given to all clear to fly home. I think his main priority was to support me and our daughter through it. It's tough as she misses her sister, but she gave me somethings to focus on. ❤️

  11. This was so lovely. Some of the feelings are similar to when IVF doesn't work and I could see J's feelings mirrored in y husband. So glad you talked about this. So important and I'm sure will help lots of people x

  12. Such a tough subject to talk about <3 xxx Much love to you guys … v brave to talk about this and hopefully it will give support to others xxx

  13. This is exactly what we went through – thank you so much for talking and sharing this video. It is so helpful and it is so nice to hear from JK and his point of view. x

  14. Such a great topic as I found that most people didn't know what to say to us after having two miscarriages so wouldn't say anything and I found that hard as talking about it made me realise that it is more common than it seems and I worried that my husband had no one to talk to but luckily we got through it together and have a beautiful and crazy 3 year old now so it was all worth it xxx

  15. well done Charlie! its a hard topic for men and my husband would have been exactly the same which is why i think this video is so good! you come across as the average bloke and for most men who arent great with emotions it can be intimidating to watch a man who is. you guys did a great job!

  16. What a lovely couple discussing such a tough topic, thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. I'm glad you got your happy ending 🙂 x

  17. Thank you for sharing such an honest video, you two really are inspirational and I know this will help so many! It brought me to tears, love you guys!

  18. What a brilliant video JK and Charlie. We have been through similar and it's so nice to hear it from a males perspective. Thank you for sharing, as I know this will help others. X

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *