Day Before IVF TRANSFER: Alex Tells All



everybody thank you so much for coming and being a part of our journey this has been really humbling and I think Alex and I just wanted to record just a quick sit down video to describe to you the night before the IVF transfer what we're thinking what we're feeling the emotions were going through and just in you know in a few minutes just kind of give you guys like what to expect when you guys are going through something like this this is our third IVF transfer the first two did not work the first was just a zero positive test and then the second one was we actually had some high beta levels and so we potentially had a miscarriage and they kind of deemed it in the process of a chemical pregnancy and so I just wanted to give you guys the opportunity for you to see my respect in my love and my adoration for Alex so I'm gonna be asking her some questions that I think you guys probably are thinking yourself and your journey that I really cannot wait to hear her answers this is unscripted she has no idea what I'm about to ask her I'll just start with this first question and they used to take it from there okay how would you even explain the difficulty that infertility has been in your life everyone has their own journey everyone has their own story but for me and for a lot of people I know infertility is by far the hardest thing that they've ever experienced and can't even imagine they can't even explain the pain of how difficult infertility is the sad part is that it can really rip you apart it can rip a marriage apart I understand that difficulty I understand that pain I was there I can't I we we were really growing going through the brunt of it before we started vlogging and we were really in the pits before Kinsley was born and so before you know we were public with our story and I wish I could show you at least clips of what that was like because it was not pretty it was not pretty at all well what's different about our story is how we were able to go through it and it would never pull us apart to the to the point of divorce and I'm very proud of that I'm very proud of taking the pain and pushing through it and making it to make us stronger versus ripping us apart it made us stronger what would you say was the hardest part of infertility it was it spiritual was a financial was it relational was it mental maybe maybe kind of streamlined it into that and then if you guys want and you guys leave in the comments below if you guys want us to do specific videos on that we could definitely do that yeah but I would say what if what if something maybe some of those areas were the most difficult for you yeah so I would say for me would be none of those it would be emotional unless you said emotional I didn't hear it emotional was the biggest toll that I would never expect I feel I'm a very logical person and just very in control of my emotions and feelings however I could barely keep it together day to day I was sobbing every memory inch of my house experience sobbing at one point or another just getting through the day was the hardest part I wanted to be a mom so bad and I would see people get pregnant and I don't know how many months after we got our diagnosis but maybe within six months of getting diagnosed officially with infertility three of my bridesmaids got pregnant within three months and just that feeling of this isn't fair like I want to be pregnant I want to have a baby and I just didn't understand why couldn't this happen for us I felt like but I want it more than anybody which is like that feeling of like that's not a fair statement but it but it felt like it at the time I just was like I can't even describe like how much I want it so then it led into a spiritual issue for me of feeling like God why like why is this not happening for me like this should be easy like this is just what you do like and I asked a lot of why until I kind of learned to ask what do you want me to learn from this that was a big but like so you went Alex from like this frustration this emotional pain and feeling isolated and almost feeling alone because I knew everyone around you is getting pregnant and no one that I knew had even come close to experience infertility you know some people would say oh we know how you're feeling it took me seven months to get pregnant and Here I am um you know a year and a half in feeling like I would have dreams but yeah would you say that there is a difference between your maturity then and your maturity now oh my gosh okay when when people say oh I I wouldn't change it for the world because you know now we have our girls you know that's you know that's one thing or I wouldn't change it for the world because I'm a better person it's stunk it was really awful and I would say you know deep down no I wish that we didn't have to go through it yeah but honestly I am so thankful of where I now yeah because of it that that statement that I used to hear it genuinely is true for us that that I wouldn't change it because I wouldn't want my life any other way I wouldn't want my life without my girls and I wouldn't want my life without being the person I am today and for those that probably already know and for those that don't know when she's talking about our girls we ended up having two insanely crazy miraculous adoptions our daughter in 2015 Kinsley grace came home to us after meeting her birth mom in nine days and then Callie came once Kinsley was sixteen months and had we had a mom reach out to us via social media and ninety days later we were in the delivery room with Callie and so we have two beautiful incredible girls via adoption and so I guess that begs the question now if someone were to say Alex but you have two kids like why wouldn't you just like be grateful like what is your response to that yeah so I think the first response is a little bit like you know let's be very clear I am grateful yeah I'm more grateful than I could ever express that being said it doesn't change the fact that we would love to have a big family that's been a dream of ours since we were dating that was a dream of mine since I was a kid of just having a bigger family and you know not everybody wants that some people want two kids and you feel like that's a complete family a family of four with the two kids and two parents that's a complete family that's awesome like if that's that's what you consider to be your family that's awesome but for us it's a little bit different would you say that your desire to like have more kids is a selfish desire I say that like jokingly because like we do get those comments like how selfish of you for wanting more kids sure yeah I think every child added to the family I think they would be happy that they were here and that they were part of this world and that they got to experience life and hopefully enjoy and upbringing with a really fun family my father opinion um but yeah you know um it's not for everybody to have more than two kids but for us it is kind of take me Alex in this journey from you went from infertility to Kinsley's adoption – then Callie's adoption in the midst of restarting infertility treatments Callie was just kind of placed in our laps yeah and so we were like you know what infertility treatments can hold Callie let's do this and now where we at today and like how did we get here yes quick summary we were in the middle of our IVF treatments when we got contacted with Callie's birth mom you have to go inside go see kram Ian yes sweetie it's too cold out here no mom make a run jump in mommy's arms okay you guys can come say hi really quick can you say hi to everybody hi well Kinsley just joined in so I guess it's perfect timing so we were in the middle of our infertility treatment when when we got matched with Callie's birth mom and so we decided to put in fertility treatments on hold we just felt like God you are opening a door and allowing us to grow our family this way and we are not gonna say no we feel like we've always said this if if adoption like have a big door swung open and screamed adoption we would we I can't say we would never say no but yeah often we feel like we wouldn't say no like we just want to love on the different children that God has for us and if that's their adoption if that's through through fertility so now that Callie is older we have jumped back into IVF okay and close the door okay so when we did our IVF egg retrieval we ended up with six embryos we have transferred to so we have four left and for us each one of those embryos are a life and we are gonna give each one of them a chance and so we are transferring each embryo one at a time so tomorrow we will be transferring our third he's a crazy ingrates tomorrow it's crazy does it feel like no I don't I am not thinking about it i but I think that that's a good thing I feel no stress about it it's great um I just need to make sure we figure out a way not to have stress after so we I you know we've kind of set up the house and set up our minds and our hearts for this whole transfer this week and so you know you guys in coming videos you guys gonna get to see what it's like to to be at the live IVF transfer and like what that's like and I mean honestly I looks like you are you are the reason that we actually started vlogging in the first place like how did you get to the place that you wanted to be so public with this private conversation of infertility sure because we had it we had no one in our lives I had gone through infertility I went to YouTube and the couple that I found was Ellie and Jared and they you know struggled with infertility very different story than ours but it felt like a comfort knowing that I wasn't alone someone else that was young struggled with infertility there's very young couples that are struggling with infertility and it's not talked about and it's very hush-hush and no one knows and you know it's just I didn't know anybody and so I told Phillip I thought you know they shared their story and it really helped me and our story is different and and each of your stories are different and so I felt like let's try to share our story and see if we can help just at least one person were you surprised that people said Alex I look up to you and thank you for putting these videos out and now it's you are a role model to me what's that like and what do you like is there a responsibility there and there probably should be I I think I I don't think of it that way I'm just like so humbled and thankful for each each person I can connect with and you know it share that you know you're not alone and you know I've been there and your story might be different but you know you can do it and it's more just exciting because I it's like this getting connect with people like but on a fast level like when you you know in life I get to me a couple of my friends that maybe struggle with infertility so I get to talk to them once in a while but with this platform I feel like I get to talk with people all the time of like you know their story and just what they're going through and now they're in the process of adoption and they've been matched now and just like all these fun stories that that we get to be a part of it's fun it's really fun connecting with everybody what is your hope for tomorrow what is your hope going into the IVF transfer tomorrow the encouragement side is like guys like say that proclaim that it's gonna happen but to be honest like for me that's my struggle right now is proclaiming that this is gonna work this time and we've done a couple different steps this time that are different and we can address that we address that in the vlog regularly but maybe we can do a separate video I know what this IDF looks like for me so I was really excited the first one like and I thought a hundred percent it worked and then when it didn't I was shocked and then you know because of our diagnosis she gave us a really high chance and she said oh no but the second one for sure is gonna work and when it didn't because we didn't know I had this underlying in clotting disorder I was just like see I told you it's never gonna work like it's never worked before so it's never gonna work now but that's just not the attitude to go in in it quit how do you fight that that logical it's you're a nurse you're super tight babe yeah see it happens how do you fight that how do you find the courage to even publicly say guys I believe it's gonna work and let's do this and I think that's the emotional issue not just for us going into our third IVF because the other two failed like this is the emotion that people feel when you guys are going through infertility when we were going through infertility those first couple years those first couple years let me say maybe this isn't a true fact but I feel like in the most cases those first couple years are the hardest because you don't have any coping skills yet but I feel like that's what it felt like those first couple years this is hopeless it's never worked before it's not gonna work now and I get so many messages from you guys that are just you're in that you're in that pit and it's hard and it sucks being in that bottom part but I think everybody needs to know themselves from my coping might be different than somebody else's coping like um I like to talk to people and that's my coping mechanism I get a lot of strength from Phillip and so that's for me I pray a lot I get a lot of strength from from Jesus but I think everybody needs to find that strength that helps them cope with that difficult yeah inner doubting voice Alex I just commend you I think you've you have logically processed this whole thing out you have you have flawlessly laid out every argument for and against doing IVF and for and against doing IU is back in the day and for and against doing adoption you know I I think you've done a tremendous job being able to not just process it internally process it with me and build our relationship deeper because of it but also like I the vulnerability that you show Alex is is true yes it's it's exemplary my only hope is that you guys find inspiration through her because she is beautiful here but like she's beautiful here like she really is an amazing person and I think watching you go through this with such strength and dignity and beauty is a testament to how you have not given up in the process of infertility and you've actually bettered yourself through the process well and I think that's the encouragement for anybody who is going through infertility is that you have to go through all the seasons which I went through that pit oh we should do a whole video just talking about being in that pit oh it's so awful so awful I'm so sorry for any of you who are there but you can use it eventually for good and that was our family motto through the whole thing was it's just another sermon so for us you know in the ministry world like that made sense to us but you know people hear that and think what you have to get up and have a speech in front of people like giving a sermon know what we meant by giving a sermon that just meant like you were able to communicate and talk to another person another human being and say you know this is what I went through like I hear you like let me listen to your story and just being able to pretty much use that pain for good it's just another story it's just another story yeah it's just another pain you know it was something we were gonna use so every time we had a hard day it was you know we're gonna use this I'm gonna use it for good and that's what we're doing it feels like we're doing and so just an encouragement for you guys like you can do that too if you're in the grieving process like that's gonna take some time yeah but when you kind of get a little bit more of that glimmer like that's the season where when you can pour it back in to others and it and it it's amazing you know it don't you let your pain be for nothing and it doesn't have to be infertility it can be anything you know use your pain for good because then otherwise you know what kind of feels like what's the point I remember grieving kind of the first IUI and all of those first series of infertility treatments and we had lived in in two different places and those seasons of our marriage and I remember her friends came over and sat with her and grieved with her and brought her like a dinner or a snack or a goodie or a movie or whatever it was and you know having friends that were present with you was amazing but like you built those friends before the pain and you poured into those relationships and we're actually there for them and their pain and I think like the encouragement to you is be like Alex like like pour into these relationships now before the pains there or if you're in the middle of the pain now then then then feel free to say hey I'm I'm struggling and I just need a friend to come over and and to bring me yogurt and sit with me and say nothing and put your arm around me and cry with me Alex you did that tremendously well like I think you did that in such a beautiful and humble and inspirational way that I think a lot of women can walk away through infertility and say you know Alex is that role model like she really is because you modeled that and you had said everyday I'm going to let this be a good story and I'm gonna let this and let the disappointment of it turn into something that's beautiful and it was a day to day moment by moment hour by hour decision to say okay I'm weak today I can't pour into anybody when I'm weak I can't pour out anything out of an empty Cup my comp has to be filled to be able to pour it out and on to other people and so like you grieved and you let your cup be filled by other people so that when their time came you could pour that out on them looks like that's where we're gonna wrap it up is encouragement of the day is be that friend for somebody else today everybody knows someone who is struggling yep even if it's for something small go be that friend today thank you guys so much for watching thank you thanks for being a part of our journey you guys if' transfers here tomorrow and we're grateful for it friends you guys matter either say there's a purpose for your pain as alex has been talking about there there is a season that's creating a story and that story is gonna be beautiful one day know that if you're in a season whether infertility or not adoption waiting or not or disappointment or not Alex and I are here for you we care for you thanks for being a part of our Channel we hope to be an encouragement to you every single day that we put out a video and just know that there's a community surrounding you of people that love and care ask any other questions you guys liked us to do is sit down in the comments below if you see people grieving or sharing frustrations be an encouragement to them today the Internet can be a crazy place in a cruel place we find it to be a beautiful place so use that beauty use your encouragement to inspire and encourage someone else so if someone is leaving that pain in the comments below you guys love on them like crazy go let your love

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