hello you guys welcome back to my channel today I will be doing but beyond a more serious topic and if I smile or something or it looks like my smile this is like my first time opening up to anybody about this and we're buds talking about serious stuff really opening up so yeah also I'm super exhausted I got a three hours maybe girl was having a rough night at the clinic this morning Kanellis paranoid stuff but we're on the video yeah that's a little in my last video I it was my party party party I kept saying the word um because I was focus so I keep saying would open over again I apologize videos like I've never loved I said that word so I'm gonna try to stop myself so much so if I do see like a word a lot of times and I apologize about my attention to share like I'm going to share my whole experience and having a toddler and everything and this is part of it so I really want to get it out the way now because I'm okay day I didn't want to miss me minds that were being what a video not me this I'm gonna that kind of a little bit if you guys and you and don't know I have two daughters my childhood Karina my new horn as a serial to mean I'm gonna backtrack a little bit because postpartum depression with my firstborn and I have a video just everything was happening so fast she had colic so you know how it gets basically when they so they're super inconsolable no matter what you do there's like really nothing we could do about it so she was crying hard and it was first on CD or form yeah it was really bad and when she cried like the whole house she comes outside and we have a lot of time to think the process what was going on at the time but not that but I'm too slowly well that makes a lot of sense so when I first gave my firstborn some stuff happened at the hospitals of town so I didn't get to go home it – my boyfriend's brother's house with my boyfriend who had become the baby and stuff when someone's super grateful for that however I wasn't comfortable or adjusted there I was trying to digest so having only important that it was always crying it's great Lehmann you know especially mid of night is like always under pressure like I would always be sweat didn't have time to decorate they will just try to calm her down so that she we don't wait to house up because she will scream so loud it should be unconsolable it didn't matter what I did she was just a burger solvable so at that time out going through a lot already else super-emotional and i just thought it was just stress I would cry a lot I was just super emotional I had no idea that I was going to find the person because like I said I didn't have time to constantly just under pressure sweating trying to calm the baby down and you know the first-time parent so I'm really trying to figure everything out I wasn't getting any sleep so fortunately I did have help my boyfriend that means that I looked there so I was like super emotional super irritated I kind of shut down afterwards and it's crazy because now that I'm thinking about it to have a firstborn my xiety was to the group I've always had anxiety problems my idea was I kind of like isolated myself from everything I became really anti-social I didn't really talk to anybody I just got into this Irish at the start talking to people about but like I would keep everything inside already saying the word I'm allowed so sorry which is what I'm thinking anyways so I was going through that my buddy got words throughout the time and it was just really bad a really bad place so that's kind of that with my you morning then as the time went by it kind of got better but my anxiety stayed the same like I would had to go see the doctor because my anxiety was causing me this way and I was just I was feeling weird I wasn't feeling myself and they have described with some pills but I took one pill and it gave me more anxiety like all I did with her to help me I was like nama taking these pills anymore so I kinda jizz so yeah I and process I knew what postpartum depression if agony too much into it buzzwords now at war she is and it's funny because in my one week postpartum I said I'm not having no no signs of depression of any it'll be the next day or they after that is really he I was feeling super anxious and irritated like I haven't taught her how to mother to me tell her she's 20 months ago me too you know having a newborn and just juggling everything you're super hard I was mainly doing it by myself my boyfriend he were exertion because you're being really and suitable spot I was by myself and I just started telling likes emotions and like that you got even worse thing I were to start dripping sweat every time both of them would be crying or like I would have to put the baby down and to tolerate out we should start sweating like runny to you know attends over them and then my toddler she she kind of got worse there's something I'm not you're gonna backtrack I'm gonna I just thought of something that I say I'm gonna came to my my firstborn so when he came to my firstborn said she had colic and she was always crying I was like distress I wasn't I wasn't getting enough sleep stuff so I would get really really angry and I just felt like I know this sounds crazy but I really felt like just stronger okay I'm just saying that calm down stop crying I would cry a lot to weather like when she was crying would be crying to develop so stress I was I did not know what to do you know deal for coffee it's really hard as it is you know just pay for his hat bearing just everything just came down on me and so I have searched up like is it owned to feel like this and I read so many articles the parents saying same thing and they felt like doing the baby the best thing to do was you know the baby town just walk away take a deep breath then come back and stuff so I'll get really really anxious like was having so many more sweets I did not know how to do we'll say I didn't do anything I didn't have time to think about it process there I was we try to attend to anymore money we're not I don't have any crazy thoughts like I don't want to do anything just a lot of times I'm just like please go to sleep like please stop right I think really really really stressed out I would get really irritated to more so on my toddler because there is my new working she just she just kinda got it's the stage where she is getting into stuff making all these messes she's waking a baby on purpose creamy on top she's having a hard time adjusting I guess and I know because she wants the attention something is she's like what's going on which is jug at Iowa that is just out of control and then in your worksheet you guys let my attention she comfort means a lot so she was cluster feeding and they don't get much sleep because she's been close to meeting so just when everything comes down upon me really Ishmael oh really making really home I just feel like feeling like a family as parents and like I said I shut down and me in a vice so it's like I don't talk to anybody that nobody knows what I go to work and I figured the first step to kind of getting through this the best way to open up would to talk to you guys make a video because I know a lot and if I could help somebody else somebody could relate to me just just know you're not alone something you go through something talking to somebody about it oh goody to me bless vanity the data the girls are good I control my emotions if I feel like I just kind of lost the analysis super irritated or you know getting my mood swings just pray about it pray that tomorrow be a better day that I can so you noticed Osprey I walk and that helped clear my mind a lot took one with the baby another thing is in other music diversity music Patti is matching you because in we could wear child's meet up with the music you know relax you into a better mindset another thing I'm gonna try doing against one semi was exercise because it helps relieve stress I don't want to take pills I don't like the fact that it gives me like you know I want to be alert I don't have anything against people to take her really gonna help you go away you know what's best for you and what's gonna work for you so you had to do what you gotta do for you it could be I I just wanted to document this because I want to document everything it says so I would like a meeting with this baby so I can go back and look and just you know just see how things were how I got to peridot my document makeup how many get to us obviously it goes away overnight it's the process but the first the first step is admitting it talk intensify kind of trying to figure out what you're gonna do I don't want to do this the entire time again I really want to be aware what's going on and stop it before it gets worse okay these works like I'm not happy I'm not sad irritated I feel that still hosts dressing on and I'm still adjusting my bike has been hurting a lot epidural my bags my buckets of losing pain so what I do too much you know hurting him a so I get stressed out really I haven't put myself in almost two years anything that yourself for some time you had a just lose yourself and yourself anymore so I can't put myself free China obviously they do have newborn in a couple months – ages you really don't want stuff for myself really take care of myself this time around doesn't body so so if you're somebody that's like feeling some type of way or don't know what you're feeling it's normal but I think it September's that won't go through after giving birth or you went to it you can leave your comments down below some years so a year journey how he got to it how are you getting through it if you need somebody to talk to as well I'll be here because I know there's gonna be somebody out there that's pretty much it I will be like updates I guess I keep updating on the journey also I talk about when she was having trouble like freakin she was like wheezing stuff that nighttime and I went to the doctor's all super paranoid she said everything was looking her off the channels were okay basically she just has like a little cold and virus and she'll get over it yourself I tried so many times it's just heaven the work can help me I just been having some super rough days and just a lot going on and I just can't catch a break I can't our great hope movie to make everything because I do miss it you sure because as much as I can so thank you guys so much for watching please make sure to subscribe if you haven't already you might as well you ready here make sure you like it coming ups again


  1. Some of the other symptoms I forgot to mention were loss of appetite and insomnia having trouble sleeping at night

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *