EP103 – Feeling like you may never experience Motherhood after Miscarriages with Jasmine M. Mason



you're listening to the sisters and lost podcast a faith-based grief and loss podcast for black women where you will hear stories of miscarriage infant loss still birth and infertility to learn there is a testimony and tragedy you will learn how to heal gain clarity find hope and peace and turn your pain into your purpose after loss I'm your host Ericka and McAfee welcome to episode 103 of the sisters in loss podcasts have you ever felt you may never experience motherhood today's guests felt exactly that way after experiencing two miscarriages jasmine more experienced her first miscarriage in 2016 at 11 weeks due to applied it over in 2018 she experienced her second miscarriage at 19 weeks due to natural causes in today's episode jasmine takes us back on her journey to Motherhood and share the pain of not ever experiencing motherhood this episode is for you to listen to if you have had a miscarriage are trying to conceive and may have given up on hope on this journey here is Jasmine more Masek well thank you for being on the podcast no problem with you sharing a little bit about to do so I currently live in Hampton I work as a foster care caseworker in Portsmouth I've been doing that for about seven months Nell has been pretty interesting has good days and bad days but I love working with children so that's the best part of my job I think so take us back on your journey to Motherhood and share with us your lost story okay so I've had two miscarriages my first one was in 2016 I was only about 11 weeks at the time and I was told that I had a blighted ovum and so there was no baby in the actual sack and so when I miscarried everything came out like the sack and the tissue surrounding the sack and everything and that wasn't very painful I mean it hurt physically but it wasn't as painful as it could have been my second miscarriage was in April of this year 2018 and I was I think about 19 going on 20 weeks which the baby was there inside of say he's growing and healthy heartbeat and everything however I was told that I had fibroids and I think a uterine systole surfaces something was there they saw on the ultrasound but they told me that everything will be okay and that I also had hematoma right behind my back they said that it would dissolve over time as the baby grows however I continued to bleed throughout the often or throughout the whole pregnancy up until one morning I felt like I was having contractions it was like a sharp pain in my stomach it came for about five minutes or so it would away for about 15 minutes and it came back so I immediately figured something was wrong so I was gonna go take a shower so I can head to the emergency room however I didn't make it my water broke when I was in the bathroom so had to call the ambulance I couldn't get off the toilet to get to the door because when I sat on the toilet it seemed like whatever was inside of me was starting to just fall out and so the next thing I know I felt a lot of pressure and I put my hand between my legs and it felt like a baby's foot and so I had to call my mom to get her to open my door but I couldn't I didn't want to get off the toilet I felt like if I got off it would be too painful and I didn't want anything to fall on the floor and so when I went to the emergency room the baby had already come out they wouldn't you see anything they were saying that it was just too bloody and too messy for me to look good they ended up eventually giving me some medicine to kind of push out whatever was left inside of me so I had to have another ultrasound and they told me that everything was empty out but I felt very weak I couldn't really stand up I lost a whole lot of blood I almost thought that I would have to get a blood transfusion so they were asking me my blood type and if I needed a transfusion would it be okay for me to get one but it turns out that I did not meet one at all I was okay I just had to lay there for a very very long time until I felt the strength to be able to get up and walk again but that the second miscarriage that hurt it was very painful because of all the all of the pressure from the baby coming out when the contractions and everything of that nature it was it hurt so bad but after I healed it took me a couple days to heal and I was okay after that Wow so were you able to see your baby or hold your baby after that and just talk about that those next steps of that process no they wouldn't let me see the baby I wasn't able to hold the baby at all they actually took the baby immediately after she came out to cremate her they just did like a daughter like a death certificate for the hospital record and that was it Wow Wow so did you all have and a memorial or anything for her I did not actually I chose not to do that I kind of wish I would have now but I think I was just too emotional at the time to do anything regarding the baby so I just chose not to absolutely that's understandable so let's talk about your healing so pick us back on a journey you know after you've gone home you know the next few days the next few weeks it actually month and just tell us about how how you began to greet you and really have your face play a role in that process during that time period I think I took about a month off work will honestly say that I'm still healing now but throughout the process I didn't want to say at home so I stayed at my mom's during that time period I kinda lost faith like I believe in God but I was kind of upset that God chose to take my baby away and I didn't go to church for a very long time I just honestly started going back to church maybe in August or September but I was really upset with God and I didn't really I guess I can say I didn't really believe that it was meant for me to be pregnant again I'm at least that's what I was told people were telling me oh well you just weren't meant to be pregnant even the church people they talk bad about me they went to the church secretary and said negative things so thoroughly hurt and that was a big factor in me choosing not to go back to church for a while and so when I did started going back to church again I went to a different Church in my area because I didn't want to be around those same people but people that claim to have loved me so much they really hurt me by speaking negatively and negatively of my baby because I wasn't married when I got there then that is the worst kind of hurt is for the folks at the church to you know judge you when only god can judge you this situations like that so I completely understand lifting searches and taking their time and finding another church that will love on you the way you should be loved especially actions grieving and trying to heal from such a traumatic experience today's podcast episode is sponsored by living waters doula services out of her belly will flow rivers of living water rivers carry life and bring it forth to those who need it I am excited to begin offering living waters doula services to my sisters and us what is a doula a doula is a non clinically trained support person who provides emotional physical and informational assistance before during and after childbirth my goal as your doula is to help you heal remove anxiety and fear and find peace and hope on your infertility and pregnancy journey if you are currently trying to conceive and would like fertility support if you are currently pregnant after loss or if you want gris support for your recent loss I'm available to share space with you as your doula and support you on this journey for more details about living waters doula services visit Erica and McAfee com4 / doula that is Erica M McAfee comm Ford / D o u LA I'm excited to share space with you so tell us about really that whole process like so the church that you're currently going to really how did you Dan brace you you know do you feel comfortable there to you know to share your story or testimony and now that you have been healed and it's going to walk us through that because I think that this is so critical for women who've experienced loss especially woman who may not be married when they get pregnant and how there's how the church handles those situations the church dies and now I will they they really did embrace me the pastor he he really took some time to get to know me not a whole lot of one-to-one time but knows like every time he sees me he knows my name he speaks to me he calls me by my name not just and one of those church members go because it is a larger Church the people they are very friendly I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to share my testimony there yet I've been going there for a couple months now so I feel a little comfortable with them but I don't know if I feel comfortable enough to share my experience if anyone asked me I told them the truth like this is what happened this is why I stopped going to church however I started attending a different Church that made me feel more comfortable things like that like I don't really I don't know if I will actually get up in chair in front of the church though absolutely I completely understand understand that I'm happy that you found another church and that they you know what pastor knows you may he greets you and that they're embracing you and I just pray that it also is listening on this podcast is that you've been and you've been hurt by people at your former church that got leads you to a place that encumber you that can support you that can pray for you and that you can learn and grow and if you can get the Word of God as you complete a heel so thank God he led you somewhere else and if you're getting which you need spiritually from you know that's biblically sound at the church that you're going to get so so let's talk about tools and resources books anything that you use to help you grieve and the things that you're doing they oughta as you can see the heel but I actually went to my pastor my OBGYN a couple of times after my miscarriage and then I started talking to my regular doctor about what had happened they suggested that I go to a support group at any for news I haven't attended that support group as of yet however I do plan on growing at least once or twice to see how I like it I also utilize at Sentara there is such a plan that comes around each room to talk to you he did tell me that I can come back and talk anytime so I utilized him as well and he prayed for me and you know he provided that encouragement that I needed at the time which encouragement helps all throughout the grooming process and she did help me realize which I already knew but he helped me really really realize that the grieving process has no time limit and so some people will say that oh you should be over it by now but you know for me it's been months later and I'm feeling that completely over the law doesn't know no timeline I mean people are people are still grieving and to be honest with you I think that we all everyone looks on as five parts something always comes back up that triggers us or chase us back to a memory of our loss whether it's walking through the grocery store for me in particular anytime I go to the ob/gyn office whether it's you know when I lived in Charlotte or even here in Virginia I still am triggered so I think that you know it doesn't matter where how long is there you're still going to remember that experience it's just how you handle it as you move for and really get into a place of gratefulness and and thankfulness and it takes time to do that so yeah it doesn't no come on I think we all are still on this healing journey just tried to better ourselves to grow in Christ and to just do without his purpose us to do on this earth so that's awesome that chaplain was able to speak from life and joy into you it's it's harder to find a support route in general where people look like me in you so don't be discouraged when you go but just know that you may not have to see a lot of black woman there's a lot of black woman are the church going but you still should go because you're still going to get the support that you need as you can see the healed so and that's for anybody out there you can you can for especially for groups that are in person it's a little bit harder to find a group in person but of course you have online groups as well so I'm happy that you don't talk about those resources so what occurred in words can you lead a mom out there who's been through a similar experience where they lost the baby in the second trimester and they are just continuing to grow to learns and heal I would say just it's really hard because at the same time I'm trying to encourage myself but I would say that seek help when needed and it may seem hard as you're going through it but you know you have those utilize your resources me for me I used to utilize my family my friends and then just I don't know continue to pray that's what I did I started praying more often recently is to help seek some some spiritual guidance within myself and reading scriptures and yeah there's I'm here okay somebody wants to talk or anything like just talk to someone thank you so much for sharing your story and your light and we wish you well as you continue to grow in Christ at the futures that you're under that thank you thank you so much for listening to today's episode I pray that this show was inspirational and a blessing to you for show notes visit Erica and McAfee comm port slash podcasts please join us in our offline discussions and our private Facebook group by going to sisters in lost comm if you're listening an apple podcast please rate and subscribe to us and leave us a 5-star review I pray that you all have a blessed week keep the faith and I'll talk to you next Wednesday

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