Fathers Describe Birth | Dude Dad


it all started at like midnight it was about 4 a.m. my wife Ashley came in and woke me up and said we gotta go to the hospital now so I go okay I was binge watching making a murderer and I said that’s great alright I’m going to get a little bit more sleep and then we can tackle this thing head-on Heidi called to me from the
bathroom and she’s like I think my water broke but I’m not sure because I peed in it I think I actually put down a garbage bag on the passenger seat incase of water were to break on the way over we’re like driving in the hospital and I’m timing her contractions and they’re already like three minutes apart at least I think they are like I’ve never
done this before so I’m like I don’t know if I’m doing this right I don’t remember any medical details whatsoever like I don’t remember what the doctors
told us I can’t remember like how contractions work so we got to the
hospital we got checked in I don’t know I was just like there’s going to be
a baby, i’m going to be here and if i’m not here then I’m going to go back to the
apartment feed the cat and then we waited I was so bored I’m so bored
the would have been great at the hospital had like just a little movie
theater I remember being very like upset at the people in the hospital and their
lack of urgency like Heidi is like in pain and and they’re like “here fill out
these forms and just have a seat.” my wife was kind of a zombie for most of it hmm
just trying to get through the pain (Moaning) she was bouncing the the yoga ball I don’t know why. to like stretch it out I don’t know so I was like kneading this
hard plastic into her back and like that gave her comfort because the other pain
was so strong Heid’s like having all this pain and I’m just sitting there like
an idiot you do what you can but there’s really only so much you can do and if I could have just grown a uterus and had the baby for her I absolutely would but
I couldn’t. so… water finally broke and it was just like a really like
inconsequential thing like if she hadn’t pointed it out I wouldn’t have… I don’t know if I even heard it she got dilated far enough it we got to move into laborand delivery crazy experience it’s like I was not a dad and I’m about to enter
this room and become a dad so we’re just there for like hours even more waiting so I watched a couple of more episodes of making a murder I’d go eat lunch and dinner at In and Out then I curled up on what they call the dad sofa it was just like there’s your bed like it’s not an actual bed it doesn’t fold
out they just give you another couch cushion a shitty little sofa we’re getting ready to push I’m like I’m like the coach so I was like holding one leg go Ash! go Ash! you got this! you know we were like going
for it she’s right here you know and I’m behind the curtain and like I wasn’t sure if I wanted to like look at it wasn’t sure if that was like ruin the
romance They were like ‘do you want to see’ NO I was just all over the place there was no detail too grisly for me in that moment you know what the vagina is
like a Swiss Army knife and this is just one of his other jobs I see a little bit of my son’s hair like coming for real coming like this just the top of this head it looks like a dead muskrat just floating in a pond I know what’s
happening you know I know it’s just like out a little bit a push push, right
back in coming in coming out coming in coming out and we did that for about an
hour his heart rate drop momentarily and that
was enough for the doctors and nurses to make the call we’re doing an emergency
c-section that was terrifying the doctor asked me like is it okay if we use the suction cup like well is it safe and he was like you know from my vantage point
I just saw like I guess something like that there’s like something like that
going on I kept a brave face on as they wheeled her to get her prepped for
surgery but when they came and handed me a stack of scrubs and I really lost it I
broke down hugged my mom cried my eyes out for a couple minutes so we use a little suction cup thing and he got it on there and she gave it one big push and
then he was just just trying to pull that baby out and that’s when the doctor
did the episiotomy so he does that and then I see a little head just like (plunk)
and a greasy little pigeon just like (plunk) where he takes a knife and he like cuts
the hoo-hah open further so that the baby can come out and that is what got
me so gross and looked very similar to field dressing a deer (gags) and then at 103 a.m. on June 6th we met our son Christian i was like okay baby’s here and like we’re going to take her over to little table so they were like do you want to go over and say hi to her? yeah yeah they let me cut the cord which
was really anti-climatic but then the nurses to come over to the
little bed thing and I got to go over and and meet my son put my hands down
and she just grabs this pinky you know itty-bitty little hand grabs it
right away and it’s something in my brain just open something that wasn’t you know wasn’t there before I guess it makes it 100% real the moment you get to touch him and say his name and he sort of is
opening his eyes for the first time and probably one of the first things he saw
was a very blurry version of me I know that my life is never going to be the
same and that’s when I became a dad

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