Gary Barlow on His Daughter's Death and His Mental Health Struggles (Extended Interview) | Lorraine

there's an interesting expression that's used I hear a lot and it poorly is the same in Britain as well that for people who become famous whatever age you become famous at that's the age you stop may grow right I mean I mean you'd worked in the club since you were 11 yeah but when you really became famous was what 19 year nineteen so was there a little bit of a mental growth stop yeah it was it was like someone just pressed the pause button and you get regurgitate it out when I was 25 out the other end just stood there thinking what happens now is that is that the end and I work put all those works and gigs in to just be left with nothing and then you start to grow up and then you start to learn about life and you know the people who are important here and and the the soul-searching and the journey you go on then as a human being rather than as this thing you've become which is never real as we all know although we'd like to think it is yeah ridiculous nineties period where you know the ego was just getting bigger and better and you just think what there's only one way back from this and it was down was it control was the ego out of control then it was completely out of control this crazy game were in of you know being on stage and thousands of people screaming I could see where the the cogs were that had got me to this crazy point but I was disappointed I've let myself become that and again it makes the fight back to Who I am now even more worthy you know I look back at that period and actually for someone who was in a band I think it was quite a lonely time for me because you know that outside of songwriting was all the fun it was like the live shows there going on telly the travelling around the world it was when I used to go back into the studio that everyone would be like we need the next album it's like get serious and it was just me it wasn't shared at all that I was the only one at that point who was actually writing songs so I remember it being a lonely existing existence that part but again you know I love to write music I just felt the pressure of it all on my shoulders in the 90s you know when when you've when you've been big the only other thing you can be is really not big is to sort of lose everything and it was it was a particularly savage period of sort of social you know we used to have a lot of these shows at that time that it's sort of humiliate people and don't know the world was sort of harder people said and did things that were cruel and and no one complained and it's so it's a particularly cruel time for that to happen to you because people just kicked you all the way down so in honor and all I see I just couldn't see a way back from where I was and of course then when it all started again in 2005 it was it it was just an enough to shock to me that there was a way back dawn yeah she's been through it all yeah she's just amazing and also for us you know we're hitting this brilliant point of our lives where the kids are getting older what kind of weave we started here the kids arrived and were coming back so we cut what kind of rediscovering each other again and it's been it's lovely it's really lovely and we love each other and we're very very happy and yeah but she's I've put her through for a few of a few bits and pieces but yeah it's all good thank God thank God I found her a couple of them at the big moment Suzanne will go through the book obviously take that spliting surprisingly enough you didn't really care at that point well I mean you know we've got to go back to a to a time where this mine wasn't thinking straight you know III just thought this Fame and this success at this level this is it forever this is this is how life is now you know there's there's no side moves it's just all up up up up all the way and I just saw no danger in that whatsoever I just felt invincible I felt like yeah nothing could knock me off my perch you know and yes I didn't bother me really at all I felt like we'd done our time the mood in Arkham at that point you know 1997 was just everyone was tired everyone was kind of sick of him at that point you know it been like six years of just mayhem just going from hotel to hotel from tour to tour album to album we've just on a wheel trying to trying to hold on because if we didn't hold on we get chopped off you know so yeah that was my mindset I just couldn't wait to actually leave it behind and get on with the next phase so the next phase obviously is going to be the solo career which started off unbelievably well then again poof another another like slap in the face ya know when I look at what I do the the the the heart of it all you know the forget being on TV and all the rest of it the heart of what I do is music so whenever being a George or you know writing books or any of these other things that we get involved with whenever they don't stop working you just go back to the music because that's the the backbone of everything it's the it's the base which is the anchor really for me it's so much about creativity is built on confidence you know it's like you have to be if you think about you know you're creating something brand new that the world's never heard or seen before you can't be you can't be shy about it you've got to be you've got to really believe in what you're doing and I'd lost the belief in it I I didn't think I thought I was whatever magic I had it's gone so what am I gonna do now so I'm hitting the piano feeling like it's an instrument I've never touched even though I've been playing it for like 15 years it was just a really odd time and it and it really taught me about sort of you mental health and how important it is to keep that in check to make sure you take time out whether it's on a weekly basis or a daily basis because this rules everything your head it's not your hands it's not you it this tells you where you're going and what you're doing this will govern whether you succeed or if you fail and I'd let this just go on its own path so again nowadays I make sure that my mind has time to repair I've been busy I have enough time in a day where I could I've got time to think enough time in the day where I have time to create it's a much more organized and and guarded because I guard what this thinks and does because it's so important let's talk about the Queen yeah so there is Gary Barlow by Royal appointment you should have won a jar or something yeah they matter times I mean it was it kind of I mean ice I see the the sort of funny side of most things and it always tickled me that this lad from fraud ship who'd celebrated the 1970 to 1977 Jubilee and he's back guard and with everyone else was certainly a part of this this massive celebration so it kind of it kind of happened and I looked at it and thought I can do this you know I can I know I've never done anything on this scale even remotely before but I can do it probably better than most people I mean I even look back now I think was that me doing that you know and he and it was it was just an incredible sort of 24 hours you know the build-up the rehearsals putting the stage up I always remember one day getting an email from you and it was the terrorist attack and Edgware Road yeah and I felt that was quite a big I mean it would be for anyone but it was quite a defining moment for kids I could hear even from my email your mind changing yeah cuz I was running around a lot that time literally filling every second of the day with something because I was kind of new back to it all and I just thought okay I've just got a work like an idiot or otherwise it doesn't look like I'm appreciating this so I was I was just literally the diary was was full morning till midnight and yeah I was jumping on and off tubes and running rat and that day may just made me remember that we're just human beings were alive and yeah that that was not a nice morning that wasn't for anyone I mean obviously horrific event but just a bit too close for comfort cuz you're on the just remind me again you're on the train oh what the I mean it was it was about four bombs that morning but there was basically the train with the bomb on was coming out of where road station and we were on our way in so we were possibly thirty feet from the bomb and we felt the whole impact I went back to watch the closing of the Olympics yeah yeah and I remember watching it from here yeah and I remember what you're going through and you'd lost poppy yeah just a few days beforehand for you to go out there and sing and when when I heard that that first line I got really I thought oh my goodness me and then you pulled it round yes it's a big big nine oh yeah it was a I can't really say I was particularly present that night it felt like a job I just got to get on and I've got to get off one because I wanted to get home again I didn't really want to leave the house I didn't want to leave dawn or the kids but I knew how important it was not just for me for the Olympics for Kim for the boys I needed to be there you know and yeah I just turned up I put my ears there now I can't have been there more than 20 minutes did it and got off and it was really going through the motions for me I was in my own world I've never watched it back I don't know what was going on in my head really but yeah it was it was tough tough that was almost the hard bit wasn't being on the stage she was sort of seeing everyone no one knows what to say at times like that and you don't know what to say and so it was just about getting in and getting out the way I was thinking around around Poppy's death was I've got to look after dawn that that became it wasn't about it wasn't about me it was about her it was about looking after her that's all we all wanted to do and so that became my job that became my job so I became like the chef of the house I became like the one who organized everything she she just needed to be looked after so it wasn't about me punishing myself or you know going on any benders or it was about her it was about and me stepping up as a husband you know because you know when we do when we say we're gonna you know be together and we take those vowels you look after your partner that's just what you do that's how you react in that situation there was a point in the book and you talk about it that I don't know how would you describe it like like some kind of a breakdown I mean what were how would you describe it um well yeah again you know not looking after this you know I had these bodies we've got the bread that really you know they need looking after they need a lot of looking after and I'd spent so many time batter in the gym eating the right food and this went on for years and years and I look in the mirror I think I'm feeling a bit better of it and of course you're working your arse up you've got stress you've got all these things happening and the one thing that it took me so long to figure out was to look after this because this is the key to all this and so again my my body sort of told me this was about two two and a half three years ago my body just decided one day right we've had enough I'm gonna shoot you're off and I had this sort of 48-hour 72-hour period of just sleeping feeling terrible and it was just diagnosed as like a burn now something that's extremely common nowadays because we're all you know I was to phone Gary at the time I was on one phone so I could read emails on the other it was just it just got out of hand just completely got out of hand I'm good at that I'm good at taking things to their extreme but yeah I think it was a real real lesson for me and so you know that's again part of the reason I wanted to write about it is to just show that it's it's not just about the physical appearance it's like look after this this is this is this has been the key to it for me mmm as you look back now because again the great thing is mate everything's gravy isn't it yeah yeah it is it's great you know it's it's in it's everything's in a lovely lovely place and I guess it's part of the reason why I really wanted to write this book I want to I want to remember these times for good and bad because it's all that here and he is he is really nice it's really nice being here me and Dorma a really great time of our lives we've got great friends you know we spend a lot of time with more time than we used to get with we've got lovely family we were all good and healthy and great life's good you

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