How Can I Cope with Infertility and Miscarriage?



I wouldn't say I necessarily did it well I think sometimes I did it well on sometimes I did it really really really poorly but one of the my cousin and I one of the real gifts for me in this season my cousin's one of my best friends and for whatever we are so different but for whatever reason our fertility kind of struggle and journey is like exactly the same we had our older kids at exactly the same time like six weeks apart and then we each miscarried three times and then we had our babies I mean they're like five months apart or something which is just but what that means is there were five years in there that we both lost a lot and cried a lot and struggle at and one of the things that we told each other all the time is that girl getting pregnant doesn't prevent me from getting pregnant there aren't a finite amount of pregnancies going around and she got the golden ticket and I didn't there are more than enough babies this can happen for you this can happen for me it can happen for her we need to just focus on managing our own sorrow and our own sense of loss but we reminded each other all the time whatever it was like oh another one she said like 17 babies at the time I'm sure I you know we always said there's enough babies to go around this is not there's not a finite amount and that was really helpful so I'd say two things to have people to walk through it with you is really great and then to have that perspective that they're really I mean everybody in the world can get pregnant that has nothing to do with whether or not I can it seems like it does but it doesn't and then I think the last thing is to give yourself grace through that process a friend of mine just recently miscarried and she and one of her very close friends had the same due date and the pregnant friend really wanted to walk well with the friend who had lost the baby and the friend who lost the baby it was just so hard and she finally had to say to this friend I love you and I am going to be with you long-term but I need a little space right now from this situation and that's an okay thing to say it's not okay to just like go silent and and never talk about it but to say really lovingly like you have to understand how this feels for me and I need a little more distance I think we don't let ourselves say that stuff I've encouraged friends sometimes like you don't have to go to every baby shower you don't you have to be kind and you have to be honest you don't have to go to every single one and I think there are some ways that we have to protect ourselves in this process it's a really hard journey but it's easier together and it's easier when you feel the permission to tell the truth you

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