Hey there! It’s me, Peter Parker. Your friendly
neighborhood… you know. I’ve come a long way after being bit by a spider. Before, Nothing went right for me. Now people really like me! I keep the city safe, I’m the top of my
class, and I’m even in love with the girl of my dreams! Spider-man, will you stop narrating please? What? You were narrating. It’s kind of unnecessary. Unnecessary?! But how are people gonna know what I’ve been up to all this time? Spider-man,we’re not idiots. Just go and do your thing. Oh…
well…alright then. but…what if i need to tell the audience
something NO NARRATING! I’m gonna ask M.J. to marry me. Oh that reminds me of a long boring story
about your uncle… that will only make you feel guilty and make
the wrong decisions in life! ugh.. There’s a change in the silicon mass! Yeah, it’s probably just a bird. Here’s a bright idea! Why don’t you make sure it’s a bird
before you mutate the crap out of something just because you were too lazy to safely
run this night time sand mutation experiment. ugh! fine! That is a big bird down there! Kinda looks like a guy! oh wait that IS a guy down there! you don’t understand!
I have a daughter and she’s sick! That makes it ok for me to break the law! I’m not a bad person! Aaaaagh! Oh no. It’s Gwen. What? What’s she doin up there? She’s trying not to fall to her death you idiot!
Why don’t you show a little concern?! What is it with fathers being completely brainless
in this picture? Somebody freakin help me! But, what do you mean? But I love you… and…
you love me… and the ring…
and the red hair… and I’m SPIDER-MAN! UGH! Because you cry too much okay!? (sobbing) I didn’t even want to do this but you’re being freakin annoying! you can’t do this…(sob) Because I’m Batman! Dude, it’s cool! What the heck was that!? Peter Parker, just did a saturday night fever strut across our window. I know, but, why? I’m not sure…
but I was afraid something like this would happen. What do you mean? Uh… I have you seen this? Ugh… The night your father died…
I cleaned his wound… The blade, that pierced his body…
came from his glider.. There’s no question, your father died by his
own hand. You are so fired. What? You’ve known that this whole time…
and you pick now to tell me? I thought this would be the best time to tell
you the truth. I took a grenade to the face dude! Hey Parker! Eddie! Wait, why do you have that scary venom face If you’re just gonna peel it back when you talk? Because this way I get more face time. That’s lame. You’re Lame!
And now I’m gonna kill your girlfriend! Oh there’s a big surprise! Out of all the dastardly plots you could put together… you wanna threaten my girlfriend. Just like EVERY other villain I’ve encountered. Hey if ain’t broke don’t fix it! Seriously?!
You rush in here like you can take me?! This is my third movie!
Spider-Man Tres Amigo! You think they’re gonna kill me off? NO! Look, do you know of ANY movies where they
kill off the title character in the end? Donny Darco ! Old Yeller! Romeo and Juliet! Yah! I didn’t think so! Hang on, Pete! I’m coming for ya old buddy
old pal old friend! I’m just saying
There’s only one way this is gonna go down! It happens every time!
We’ll fight for a bit… You’ll tear my mask… But in the end I’m just gonna leap out of the way And you’re gonna do something that makes you kill yourself. Or maybe I’m gonna kill you and your girlfriend
because I’m awesome and you’ve met your match! Fly away pretty bird…
No sand mutation for you tonight! Oh I can’t wait to help my best friend in
the whole wide world! I promise you!
Things are already in motion! You still have a chance to walk away here! Here I come, Pete! I’ll help you save the day!
No matter what I’ll help you ! BIIIIIRD! Quit talking like you’re in control, Parker! You’re just a bug trapped in my… Annnnnd leap ! Awe dang, he was telling the truth. Yep! Happens Every Time! You punched me in the face earlier! Spider-man! Spider-man! He’s the man with the plan! Makin out
Upside down! Spinnin webs, runnin round, all through town!
Just cause he can! That’s why..that’s why he’s a…
Spider-man! You’ve taken you’re eye off the ball… Avenge me! groovy.