HOW TO DEAL WITH A MISCARRIAGE AND FEEL BETTER



hey guys thanks so much for joining me today so I've got a bit of a chatty video and I don't really know how to stop this video to be honest with you because even though I'm going to be talking about things that really make me feel better that pick me up that cheer me up the reason that I need to be perked up is that after eight months of trying me and my husband found out that I was pregnant a couple of months ago but unfortunately two weeks ago I suffered a miscarriage which was pretty devastating I don't think I can really talk about it because it's quite ruin upsetting and I don't want to cry on camera or anything like that so instead of focusing on something that was quite sad that happened to us I want to talk to you and share with you the things that I've been doing to kind of pick myself up and deal with this kind of sad life event really and in the hope that it will help you if you're going through a similar situation whether it be kind of physical loss or just general like sucky stuff happening in your happening in your life so I'm hoping that this might help you I think the first thing that has really helped me deal and cope with this distressing thing is the emotional support that I've received from my family and friends so when something devastating happens it doesn't necessarily have to be my situation it's always good to talk to say or other half your husband your partner your boyfriend and I always believe that a problem shared is a problem solved and also it can be really really healthy to share as well because when you get other people's perspectives their words of wisdom their own experience and it kind of does console you because you think perhaps you're not the only person going through this and my husband's waving to me he's in the garden with this big bubble wand and he's waving around making big bubbles anyway sorry I digress so yeah if you can talk to your partner the person that knows only your innermost thoughts and how you kind of work and ticking stuff and do that it will be really really helpful bring you closer together and you can work through the problem as a couple not on your own because no man is an island second thing if you can talk to your parents about it they have such a wealth of wisdom I know sometimes it's not always the easiest thing to do but your parents basically love you more than anything and they always want the best for you so if you can speech them speak to them I've been really fortunate that my mom and dad have taken me away for a few days to a caravan park so you just take the caravan is nothing fancy it was down in Hastings and where I was feeling quite physically weak my mum literally just looked after me she fed me she didn't clothe me but she just took took took really good care of me and she fed me all the things that I needed to kind of build up my physical strength again and my dad was there to make me happy and we were with our dogs and stuff so yeah spending time with family and friends is really really good and I'm an only child so I don't really have any brothers or sisters that I can talk to so for me my friends are my family and I'm incredibly incredibly blessed to have a group of really good close friends that I can completely rely on and on to help me kind of well they basically helped to pull me through this crappy time so yeah if you can't talk to your friends even if it's just one friend that you have then do that and another thing that might really help is speaking to a professional kind of specialist organization so whether that be an eating order to talk an organization or speaking to someone at the NHS or speaking to someone who's gone through an accident like that kind of specialized people that have professional experience in dealing with this thing can really really help as well because where you may have unanswered questions or just doubts about if I don't know the treatment you're going through is the right thing then you can always have that kind of second opinion and have the comfort of knowing that it's not just you going through this so freshmen all organizations friends and family and also loved ones it's always good to talk as one of the mobile phone company said a problem shared is a problem half so definitely talk about things get it out of your system most importantly the more you build stuff up the more it kind of basically you're like a ticking time bomb and you don't want to explode at the wrong person and certainly not work or anything so take advantage of the people the support system and the structure you've built up and let them help you let them carry you on their shoulders let them look after you so yeah that's what I've got to say about that one and by the way I have written a little list here in my book say and second be able to talk about is dealing with like the mental mental and psychological and effects of going through a sad or bad time so for me well because I was pregnant I was actually blogging my news and stuff so I unfortunately have all of that stuff that I can watch back but on the flip side of that it has been incredibly therapeutic talking to the camera getting my feelings out vocalizing them and it's helping me come into terms of the whole thing another thing that is being extremely helpful is writing in my journal so I've got this journal here I she bought this a couple of months ago I think and I filmed it when I picked it up at TK Maxx so it's a journal called grateful and I was very very grateful to be pregnant because I believe that children are gifts and they are blessings so it started off being great because I found out I was pregnant I've got photos and then I've got pictures of the baby in the scan and then I've got the not-so-great times of when obviously what happened happened and I wrote it down and I must say I am really grateful for the baby that we had I'm sad that what's happened has happened but writing this all down in a journal has really kind of helped me to organize my thoughts help me iron out my mind and my feelings and I'm going to talk about things that will help you escape from how you're feeling and quick fixes but I think fundamentally you need to deal with the core problem whatever it is you need to deal with those feelings and emotions because you need to then follow them away once you've dealt with them and then you have some element of closure and I'm not quite there yet but I definitely think writing in a journal is so so helpful whether it's a diary or journal or whatever it is that you want to do go through those feelings feel the pain feel the hurt and then file it away maybe that's what I plan to do I'm gonna foil it but I'm never gonna forget it so yeah a second thing that has really helped me deal with things maybe more on the spiritual side is my faith sama art so I'm a Christian and I believe in Jesus and I believe that he is God and I've been a Christian since I was 16 years old and for me my faith is my rock so for me especially in sad circumstances turning to my faith is something that I would just automatically do and I carry my Bible around with me and for me reading the Psalms reading a few favorite bits of scripture like Hebrews has been enormous ly helpful in lifting my spirits and just knowing that God has a plan for me so whatever your faith fears may be delve back into Scripture maybe go online and listen to some sermons this is listen to some talks sing some songs you really need to take care of yourself spiritually if that's what you're into and so for me it's been really important like going to church and just knowing that I am in God's hand I'm in the palm of his hand and he's got a plan for me and I completely trust in that even though this is a sucky thing that maybe you or I are going through just believe that you know or I believe that God has a plan for me and I'm completely trusting of that and say maybe you're not so into faith and staff or maybe if you are you might also want to try meditation so I've got a book here that's called the secrets of meditation and my husband actually meditate so I thought I'd give it a try and because we live in such a digital stressful busy like life world it can be quite hard to take some time out and just dedicate it to just closing off and blocking out all those things that it's like the urgent things push out the important things if you're going through a hard time you want to deal with those important issues and by meditating you can just have half an hour even 10 minutes of just opening your mind up to other things that are the things that around you that like work and school and staff so for me meditating is a great way to kind of let off steam to lift yourself and just focus on important things in life and also maybe help you think more positively about things as well so yeah Journal your face and meditation maybe even doing like yoga and Pilates can be great at lifting your kind of psychological and mental state so yeah I would recommend those things the third thing that I think is really important in lifting your spirits especially if you're feeling physically fragile is to take care of your health so your body is like a temple and you need to take care of it so I've been very fragile and very weak so I've been eating well by eating lots of fruits and vegetables I'm going to insert some photos here of the things that are basically like food for my soul that helped me to recharge my batteries and I've been making a lot of I think it's like a Chinese dish called Chuck which is basically a rice congee a rice porridge you boil up chicken on the bone and it might rice and you have ginger and spring onions and I've been adding a bit of a twist by adding some spinach and some carrots just to give me those extra bitumens that I need and I've literally just been wiping that down it's been really really helpful in just being great comfort food also getting really good nutrition into me so fruit veg as well calcium my goodness my knees and my joints have been really a 'king I've had a terrible I've had a really bad pain actually terrible pain in my knees spread up slightly up to my thighs and then back down the back of my calf and it's like I've got a knot in there like you know you having like you get knots in your neck I've got it at the back of my thighs my own calf so and that's been I think as a result of my thing that happened also I think another great thing of making yourself feel better physically is to take some vitamins so I feel taking these multivitamins with iron and I've been taking vitamin D because I found out more so long ago that I'm severely deficient in vitamin D because I don't like sitting out in the Sun and getting a tan and and then I've been also taking folic acid just because I was taking this before we were trying and then during the pregnancy and stuff I'm gonna continue taking days because I do want to try we do want to try and and have a baby again and another thing that can be really helpful for your physical and well-being is to sleep a lot more than say you normally would for if that's not possible that make me sleepy or normal not amount of hours at night and maybe if you can nap during the day I've been napping loads honest I've not been able to like watch much of the bake-off because I just like watching it and I sing and I uh sleep so and also sleeping I've been sleeping and napping on the train and it's it's terrible because like when I sleep on a train my jaw like loosens and I'm like this so yeah I've been catching some Z's on the train but sleep is so fundamental to overall well-being and just recharging your batteries so that's really important sorry my camera cut out then so I was just saying that if you can take some time off work and that also can really help with just feeling better about yourself and having a complete change of scenery especially if you're like feel really hemmed in in your home going away for a couple of days can really help it's not only just this change of scenery mentally it can really lift you as well as physically so if you've just received some bad or sad news or something devastating crack knees happened and you might not want to deal with all the emotional and kind of mental stuff right away because you might still be in like shock and just uh no completely horrified so um maybe you like me will want to kind of escape and have like a quick kind of fix and for me I've been really watching a lot of TV and going back to old TV series so I managed in a day to get through the I think the third series of the Vikings and it was great because I was like you know with Ragnar and Locke there and we were fighting the French and it was great so I think series can really be a great way to completely escape the crap that's going on in your life right now and another thing a goodie but an oldie is 24 so I've got back into my 24 box set and it's been a great way to escape so when I was at uni I used to spend weekends in bed when I wasn't studying in for exams and stuff and just literally on my laptop watching Jack Bauer saved the entire world and it's a great way to pass time and I know it's not dealing with the current problem but it's a great way to escape and just take your mind off things and other things I've been watching have been superhero movies like Thor and the Avengers and that really is like taking you to a totally different galaxy a totally different world and just taking your mind off things so that may have been like real life savers but I've not wanted to do with like this serious stuff and just a little bit of like entertainment can be a good thing so yeah that's really good I also think like sometimes if you've got a car or and yeah basically if you've got a car go in your car why don't your windows down take a roof down if you've got a convertible and just whack your radio on put some songs on and blare that music app out loud and just drive and drive and drive for me that's a great way to kind of let off some steam and I think the last thing that I've been doing perhaps when I'm cooking and you know you're cooking you really got all your thoughts they're only like oh so I've been switching on the radio and listening to LBC which is leading leading which in this conversation one second I'm just gonna close this door yes sir lb c stands for leading britain's conversation and they talk about all kind of newsworthy stories topical issues what's going on in the world what's going on in the UK politics religion anything like they cover all kinds of topics and it's really interesting listening to other people's points of view it helps to develop my own opinions and how i feel about certain things and it's just a great way again to kind of give you a distraction especially one like maybe you ironing we were cooking and you're like all you can do is like think think think so yeah they're great ways to kind of distract you and just give you a out really the other thing that has really helped to perk me up is to make plans with your friends with your partner and with family so my friends have been incredibly great in that they said they want to take me out for a bottomless brunch out in London in a couple of weeks so I'm so looking forward to that'd be so nice to see them like face to face in London life is so busy it's hard to see each other and I live quite far away from all my friends so yeah I'm so looking forward to that chatting with the girls nattering getting latest got someone who's doing what and you know all of that people where people are going off on todays and what they're doing for Christmas and all of that so I'm really looking forward to that and then my other group of friends we've organised a spa day away where we're gonna just pamper ourselves and have a facial and massages and I know I'm gonna have a jolly good time with them because they like party girls they're crazy they're funny and I absolutely love them to pieces and then I'm meeting some other old school friends for dinner as well so I always think you try to fill up your calendar where you can and also my husband just says don't want to take out for dinner next week and I was like oh that's so nice like for no particular reason and also note to self it's his birthday next week no no no the week after next and it will be our first University being married and we're going away to both that weekend so yeah just try and fill up where you can fill up your diary it doesn't necessarily have to be social things you don't particularly feel like socializing maybe you can just go away for the day down to the beach down to the seaside or go for adapt to London go to the planetarium you don't need to speak to anyone if you don't want to and we're going to the planetarium sometime soon I hope and I also really want to go and look around Spitalfields market so that's another kind of day out excursion so yeah try and keep busy because it keeps your mind focused going forward things ahead rather than looking back it may be sad things and also it's something to look forward to it's so important to pamper yourself to cheer yourself up you really do need a little bit of me time sometimes and especially when something has happened you need to sometimes focus on you so you've dealt with the mental the emotional and the physical and now you just want to deal with the kind of I don't know what call it just just you really so whether that's having a facial so I plan on having a few facials later not all in one go but I've got some face masks here and I want to have a bowl buff later so I went flush and picked up big bath warm now I've never been in there before but whenever I walk past a shop it smells amazing so I've bought the secure at bath bomb and gonna pop this in a bath later and this is been here on my desk and the whole room smells so fragrant there's so fruity and they just smell divine so I'm really looking forward to that and you can go and have a massage a facial and mani or a pedi I haven't painted my nails in weeks so I'm gonna do that I had a haircut not so long ago which made me feel good and you can also go shopping you don't necessarily have to do retail therapy for some people it works for some people it doesn't for me I've done a little bit I mean not gonna lie I have got a boo hoo order sitting on my chair waiting to be opened and devoured and also shopping just generally makes me feel good and I've not been feeling that great about my body like physically I think what's happened is totally knocked my self-confidence because I'm kind of like come on body like what's going on like why don't you working like you're meant to be so because of that I went out shopping I'll out shopping not on my shopping and I went to Ann Summers and I picked up a few little goodies and to share myself up more than anyone not just my husband but myself up and just to make me feel a bit more body confident and happy so little things like that can really help and the last thing that I really want to leave you with is just the idea that in all crappy sucky situations there is always a silver lining and you may not be able to see it immediately but once you do realize what it is hold on to it like it's gold dust for me my silver lining was that we could conceive naturally and a lot of people I know struggle with that they have to go for IVF which is a whole nother traumatic thing there are always other people that are far worse off from you and I know in your situation right now it's not much much consolation but try and take a positive from a negative and carry that with you repeat that to yourself daily let that be your daily mantra and I definitely think positive talk means that more positive things materialize and happen to you so yeah that's my my my thing for the day is just be positive and there's always a silver lining I love that movie the silver linings I think it's play book with Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper I watched it when I was away with my mom and dad and it just kind of spoke volumes in that positive thinking and hoping for the best I'm just having a tiny paper of Hope can totally change your attitude around 180 degrees so I'm really sorry about the banging that's my husband walking upstairs and so if you're going through a really tough time I'm so sorry please don't feel alone I love you I'm sending you a big virtual hug big virtual hug hugs are so so important and just know that things will get better with time honestly they will I'm telling myself all of this as I'm telling you so for me filming videos is enormously therapeutic especially this one because I've talked myself into this positive attitude and I'm quite lucky that I'm generally I'm quite a positive and cheerful person quite a cheerful soul and I hope that maybe a little bit of that can be kind of transferred and to you through this video things will get better and I'm always going to be hopeful so yeah thanks so much for watching and tune out with me I will see you in my next video I don't know what that's going to be yet sorry this was a bit emotional but yeah okay love you lots bye

10 Replies to “HOW TO DEAL WITH A MISCARRIAGE AND FEEL BETTER”

  1. Sending you massive hugs!!! You have been so strong filming this video and although I am not massively religious and i have always felt jealous of people who are and have that to turn to when they need it, I do believe that everything happens for a reason (have it tattooed on my body to remind myself when I broke up with my husband!) and even if at the time we can fathom what that reason is, it will come to light eventually.
    Lots of love xx

  2. so sorry to hear about your loss sam 🙁 . but thank you so much for sharing ❤ your vids are always the best and inspiring #staypositive xo

  3. this was pretty amazing… you're a beautiful person and this positive message has definitely come at the right time 😊 that's the best way to live always looking at the positive even if from a negative situation!

  4. I'm so sorry Sam! My hart is with you. You are so brave to talk about it publicly, good things will come I'm sure. All the best Sam.

  5. This is such terrible news, I am so so sorry! I'm sending that virtual hug right back to you. I hope you enjoyed using your LUSH bath bomb, LUSH is one of my favourite shops. I think you'd love some of their Christmas range, they've definitely got some cute bath bombs. Sending lots of love, hugs and positive thoughts xx

  6. Really courageous that you have posted this video 🌷 I have not experienced this but last week I lost a dear friend and still grieving now 💔 I hope you feel better soon and know you have all the youtube family here for support 💝 x

  7. Really courageous that you have posted this video 🌷 I have not experienced this but last week I lost a dear friend and still grieving now 💔 I hope you feel better soon and know you have all the youtube family here for support 💝 x

  8. I'm a little bit nervous about posting this video because it's really personal. Having gone through a very traumatic experience, I have been really down and low recently. I am trying to pull myself out of the black hole I've found myself in and here's some of the small things I have been doing to perk myself back up. Sometimes we just need time to process what's happened and heal. I filmed this a couple of weeks ago but wasn't feeling strong enough to share it. I think I am now and really hope this can help you, if, like me, you're going through a hard time. Lots of love, Sam x

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