How To Deal With Postpartum Depression | Birth Days

Lance and Jill are good-looking have a beautiful son and another child on the way they seem to have it all but Jill has a problem postpartum depression I've not wanted to hold a baby since I had Jack you feel totally trapped like there's nothing you can do you know I just sit there and I'd fantasize about all these things that I could do to him to make him stop crying at the extreme end are women who suffer a psychotic depression who decide that the world is so evil that their children can't be allowed to live in that world they murder the children until you've been in their shoes you can't judge them like you just can't will Jill's depression return when the new baby arrives hi baby hi my name is Jill Weber I'm 29 years old and I'm a stay-at-home mom I'm expecting my second child Lance and I have a baby boy Jack he's two years old and we're excited to be expecting a baby girl next having kids has been like my whole purpose in life I know it sounds so cliche but it's so true all I've ever wanted to be was a homemaker I wanted to raise my children and put on the table for my hubby and you know keep house and I just that's what I've always wanted to do everything about Joel made her the woman for me it was her personality her beautiful looks her charisma just her smile or determination just everything just all appealed to me he's a wonderful father he's so supportive and so involved and so there for everything that needs to be there he's a great great father there's not much that we disagree on and that's I think that's what makes our relationship so great just it's like we're best friends we we do a lot of things together we we think alike [Applause] what if it was twins but even picture-perfect relationships can have ugly scars like 15 to 20 percent of mothers Jill was stricken with postpartum depression and she suffered in silence when he was born I didn't want to hold him I didn't want to feed him I never wanted to be alone with him I was thinking oh my god nights coming nights coming you know everyone's gone let's go to bed and I'm gonna be alone with this kid all night I mean he screamed all night the whole night like I would literally pace in his room I would get to the point where I was so exhausted I would be holding him and walking and I just kind of centrally I just walk into my head hit the wall and then I would turn around walk in the other direction and tell my head hit the wall again I'm just trying to get him to stop crying you feel totally trapped like there's nothing you can do and you know I just sit there and I fantasize about all these things that I could do to him to make him stop crying you know different ways that I've like hurt him or hurt myself or or run away or do that you know I mean I knew I was deep guys never gonna do it but to you can visually see it so clear postpartum depression is not that rare it's a condition that's triggered by late pregnancy and giving but it's depression like any other depression at the extreme end are women who suffer a psychotic depression typical of that are the stories of women who decide that the world is so evil that their children can't be allowed to live in that world and they murder the children you hear about mums that go off the deep end and do stuff and you know so many people are say that's that's horrible there are these horrible people you know and it's like you know what until you've been in their shoes you can't judge them like you just can't jill has a c-section scheduled in just a few days but the excitement of the birth is tempered by her fear that the depression will return I've not wanted to hold a baby since I had Jack I've found it very difficult when someone hands me a baby and hold it I'm like okay someone else take her or something like I just just feel nervous and I just don't feel comfortable I don't feel that natural mother it's instinct they talk about you know I just don't feel that if you've had postpartum depression in the past or in the previous pregnancy your risk of recurrence is quite high and it's certainly as a flag if they have a true major depressive episode in a previous pregnancy they have a high risk of having it again 70% up to 70% her major anxieties are she's not prepared she's not ready for another baby does she have all the wrink all the wrinkles ironed out is this ready as you know is the nursery already I think I will be afraid to be alone with the baby for the first little while until I really get used to it my house before of us when we come back coming up Lance and Jill head to the hospital and to an uncertain future when her son Jack was born three years ago Jill suffered the torment of postpartum depression with the birth of her daughter only moments away is Jill's depression about to return due to Sun Jack's massive nine pounds seven and a half pounds birth weight Jill is having a c-section right now the only thing I'm really focusing on is the horrible things that are about to happen it's weird I guess I don't know what the c-section I found personally having the drape up you don't see anything you don't feeling anything you're not really experiencing the birth and not as close I was actually in the operating room when the c-section was taking place I just tried to concentrate more or less not yelling and keeping her calm when comfortable as as well as trying to keep comfortable myself I never got to have a little bit baby Ailish weighs in at seven pounds seven ounces far less than her brother Jack's whopping nine pounds debut even in the middle of this elation Jill is concerned about how she will react to her new daughter the first time I held a leash I'm trying to remember exactly what it was I'm pretty sure it was when I was laying and recovery everybody else was holding her and passionate around and they brought her to me to feed I felt pretty good cuz everybody was there and and you know I don't know I just she needs to be 18 I'm still unsure and not a hundred percent you know although house everything was gonna go and I was still nervous about what was to come but but I did feel kind of that immediate little attachment to who's but everything went well after a few days recovery at the hospital Lance and Jill head home with their new daughter Ailish good job Jill's postpartum depression hasn't arrived but another problem has okay most difficult part for me since she's been born has been feeding she wouldn't stop reading she was looking for my breast constantly and she latches on no problem it's it's just that she wouldn't quit and then you know now I'm sore and bleeding and blistered and a mess and you know it hurts really really really really bad for the first week after Alicia's birth Lance is off work he helps out with the midnight diapers but there are some things he can't change I lost the surface of the snow it blistered and the whole thing came off so now it's just all red scab like it's just raw skin completely the whole thing I got a pump we gotta go be she's gonna be up she's starting to stir and she's gonna go me eat in 15 minutes again yeah haha she just ate totally no it'll be like two hours since she started her she's been doing the two our thing you better get your butt in the shower because okay I mean we leave in like half an hour okay this is ridiculous McDonald it's barmy gotta go that's me this whole breastfeeding thing damnit I think across cultures women have certain expectations of themselves and one is that they should be able to nourish their baby with breast milk if a woman has difficulty breastfeeding she may well develop a depressive episode based on the notion that she somehow has a succeeded as a woman boobs hurt so bad oh my god coming up an unconventional solution to Jill's breastfeeding problems cabbage and lance must return to work at first I'm going to be very afraid to be alone baby Ailish is a week old fortunately Jill is not feeling the pangs of postpartum depression that she endured when her first child was born unfortunately she does have another pressing problem Jill has an unconventional solution to her problem cabbage I get the smell like coleslaw it's a really old age and remedy it's just making it come back and you just take like raw green cabbage leaves there's something in it they don't have absolutely no idea how it works or why and then you put them in your bra and you wear them on your boob for 15 minutes twice a day makes you move better I'm putting cabbage in your breasts it's often recommended it's used for breast engorgement so that's when the breasts get really full it's probably as effective as ice but it's probably easier just to put cabbage on the cabbage is thought to help reduce the engorgement and makes it feel better and probably work similar to ice never you calls like a yummy postpartum for me so far I don't I don't I don't feel like I have it I don't think I have it I don't know if I have it my mood swings are all in line and I'm feeling really really good so I can only attribute that to either I'd have it or the medication I'm more inclined to think that the medication is definitely doing its thing Lance was really good for the first week kind of like a reminiscent of when we had that first week that he's off work and that I'm at home he does everything like he did all the changing the diapers and he got up with the bed brought the baby to me he did all the cleaning around the house and cooked a lot of the meals helped take care of Jack took him out gave me a break did lots of stuff for me he's still trying he's doing good I mean he's a guy what can I say the sex life hasn't been there yet we have had zero sex life none none at all doesn't and then this past weekend we left Jack with my mom and then Ailish was asleep so we actually had some time together and it was good changes have been kind of dealing with Jack mostly he's definitely not getting the attention he used to get cuz obviously I'm busy bleep in there half the time so he can't have all the things he wants when he wants and he doesn't get all of my attention and he's kind of at the edge right now where he really wants my attention like crazy after a week at home helping Jill Lance must return to his job as an electrician being a single income family and I do work in the construction field I still have to be somewhat alert Jenna days people don't realize how dangerous your job is and you know the slightest little mistake and zap you're gone so we both thought and more so hurt than myself that I I need some sleep so that Lance can sleep in the master bedroom undisturbed baby Ailish is being moved into the room that son Jack occupied as a baby the room jill calls the torture chamber the night that we decided that we were gonna move her back into her own nursery but like the last night that I was feeding in our room I was sitting there and thinking okay what was she move her and back into her room tomorrow and stuff and all of a sudden started to feel really anxious like I all got really hot and kind of sweaty and was feeling nervous and was just feeling oh my god I can't do that I can't do that I can't go back in there all these emotions and everything came flooding back to me of what I went through in this room with Jack like the pacing you know walking in here back and forth back and forth you know what I'm so tired I can't even look I just walk until I hit my head on the bowl and turn the opposite direction you know and the crying and the tears and the screaming and everything it was just like this suddenly became like a torture chamber coming up will history repeat itself when Jill returns to the torture chamber tonight is Jill's first night alone on the graveyard shift with her new daughter Ailish in the same room where she first experienced postpartum depression with her son Jack a room Jill calls the torture chamber tonight we are going to move a listen to her own room and I'm stressing about ready I'm not ready a little nervous about being back into that room being Jack's old room the baby's room you don't want to go back into that room because of the memories that you've had no not so much because you know that's gonna happen again I know logically that it's different I know that she's a totally different baby and I know that it's completely illogical you know what I'm thinking like and I know that but it's the anticipation of going back there it's the that first night I just don't even wanna go in there and and it's like you're the one that's punching me because I feel almost like I'm being abandoned by you what we're day but yeah you're being punished by me almost it's okay I know it sounds really weird but it's kind of like it feels like okay I'm in my room and I'm with and you're still there like when we're in our room you're there you're with me I feel okay it's a totally different environment it's all new it's all wonderful it's great as the witching hour approaches jill is less and less convinced that she can handle what they night has in store the next morning and the results are in and it's good news Jill and baby Ailish have passed with flying colors she goes to bed she sleeps she sleeps I've never slept good I had Jack and I was like you guys are all nuts this is impossible this is horrible this is the worst thing in the world and then I have a list and she's such a good baby and it's all exactly like what everyone's been talking about now it's like the clouds have parted Alleluia and like I get it now I understand what it's like having a girl having a baby and loving them and holding them and thinking it's wonderful and I have learned from aylesh that you really need to slow down and accept people's help and be open about your feelings and how things are going Jill's sought out the support of her husband and family she understood and faced her illness according to the experts Jill did everything right her second time around if a mother has had a postpartum depression who knows it and understand she's vulnerable then she can protect herself and her marriage and her baby from a second episode once you realize you've had it and it can be treated you can prevent it coming back with medication and individual psychotherapy and that's a wonderful thing to do for yourself your family and your baby everybody says that we have the million dollar family I'm still waiting for million bucks yeah thanks for watching NACHA make sure you subscribe for more modern parenting

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