I Tried Committing Suicide & Abortion~ Mama Samantha Jesus' Life Story

life is indeed a journey a journey that has got fear of the unknown to the courageous the journey still has to continue no matter what according to Shannon alder when you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear or regret Patricia when Jack Imani commonly known as mama Samantha is one beautiful soul that refused to give up on life despite what was happening around her world which was full of suicidal thoughts abortion just to mention but a few little did she know that all this were for a good reason and the reason being her rejected baby Samantha hi my name is Samantha I'm five years old I have uh spoken words I'll tell you what I know not from what I've had but what I've seen I've seen my mom cry with a smile on her face and when I asked her why she asked me how can I miss Peck be it I am the mistake mom fatalistic she was only going to look for a job but he I am my name is Patricia and Jackie money I was born in navaja in 1993 so I'm 26 years old we moved to Nairobi when I was still very young so I can say that most of my life I have been based in Nairobi so I have studied in kangay me since class 1 to class 8 and yeah upon doing make a CSE I got admitted to State House Girls High School and that's why I spent my 4 years of secondary education and from there I qualified for a job admission to Kenyatta University but because of some financial struggles that given that my mom was working in Saudi Arabia and she was not really getting paid and we couldn't help mostly from her so I had to look for another means because my dad himself had lost his job at around the same time so I got employed as a house girl in our West and many other places just for me to try raise some school fees but even as I was working as a house girl I wasn't being paid their full amount every month so by the time I gather enough money to go to university it took quite a while so the struggle continued until 2013 and yeah I was still working as a house girl now in other areas and still I did I had not raised the money and even applying for help it was a struggle because I didn't have that time to access the computer and still balance my duties so one day an acquaintance not really a friend he knew my cousin yeah he knew my cousin so when when he he had that I was looking for a job and I wanted to apply for help but he was all over the place yeah I can hack the help system for you because he was doing something to do with computer and something yeah so I agreed and at that time you know I was really desperate cause given that I had been called to universities even in the US so I thought it was a bit desperate for me to even get to a local university so I had to do what whatever was at hand so I said let me just go because he is my cousin's friend then the Thai thing nothing could happen you know then he took me to a place because I think schools were resuming because I remember exactly the date it was fast September of 2013 yeah so when he came it's like he was coming from home so that he could also open school like the following day or the day after so when we when he picked me we a very small house it only had a bed and a mattress no buildings nothing like we I didn't even have water to wash my face like there was nothing there other than their bed and a mattress yeah so I stayed there he went he was smoking which I really felt was unlike the past when I had met many as I go yeah so he was smoking all sorts of things and later on he came with sprite and I was like hey this may be the only food I'm eating today so let me just take it sorry when I drank the sprite I started feeling a bit sick a bit sick yeah I was hearing music I was smelling cigarette and things yeah so then I'd continued and I could I can remember telling him to leave me alone when I woke up I was in pain yeah real pain was I remember parts of my body was swollen and well there and okay it's hard for me to now start explaining some things because it has taken me a while to heal yeah and to forget you selectively to forget something selectively so when I woke up my first instinct was to just get up and go yeah so I got up went back to my uncle's place and I had to hide what had happened because I had all this pressure from my uncle he was calling me all sorts of names because I could not get a job so because I could not get a job he was thinking I'm not trying hard enough so I could not now come to tell him I tried my best and this is what happened yeah of course anyway this whole theme of Diwali japonica Nona any I try to stay away from that kind of statement so I just hid it completely most of them only came to find out last year when I posted it on social media they only came to find out last year so it took me a while to even that whole situation that whole pay and everything so when I slept and woke up now they're following they're feeling a little better I told my uncle I have tonsils could you give me some money I go to hospital so I went to hospital I explained the doctors told me to file for to file charges against the guy but my heart was saying I don't even want to see this person face to face even if we have to argue in a court of law or like this person already has the upper hand because at least him he has the money to get into university so already he has the upper hand so I said as long as I don't have HIV a baby I can deal with but now they gave me their p2 and whatever they could give me to prevent HIV and everything else yeah so that's how I grew up waiting so when the month came to an end and I realized I had missed my period I was in shock definitely I was in shock but I remember this someone who told me if you if you don't accept a child from the word go that child will grow up with struggles so I said let me accept it now even if I'll think about something else later so when things started when things went wrong eventually like a month afterwards and because I had already told my mom and she reacted very badly she called me all sorts of names of course she was disappointed but at this point remember I'm still not telling anyone what had happened so everyone took it like a normal situation yeah so I accepted that criticism the judgement everything that came my way I accepted but at some point I was feeling I should really try to get rid of this because if nobody is accepting me where am I taking this baby anyway so I tried my journey all those things people try I tried my journey I tried everything like Google's everything like I tried but nothing worked and of course I did have money to go to a clinic do the actual slashing so it won't God fine and wait and everytime I got money I felt like going to flash but when I get money I found myself buying stuff like a blanket or tiny socks yeah whenever I found money I found myself buying baby stuff so eventually I accepted it and I was hosted by my aunt neva Cheyenne that's after I had no place to go because at some point I could just go to Tao and stay there until night and then when the night comes because I have nowhere to go I could just go to the club stay there the whole night cuz that's where people stay the whole night for free so I could just go stay there the whole night by maybe once order for 30 Bob or fifty more drink until the night the night is over then morning I just go visit people yeah that was like the trend at some point so when I talked to my mom and my aunt was hosting me in Kawara and she was a bit critical of my situation and everything so they agreed that I have to go stay in a vasha where there was no electricity nothing so and that was better cuz at least I have I had a roof over my head say went to naväge I stayed there so I got employed at a mineral water company and the work was hard at some point I had to be admitted in hospital because I almost lost my body they were saying if it's too severe then I'll just have to lose their baby anyway cuz if it cannot be restored yeah so they confirmed it was not so severe it could be cured medically and I was hopeful that's now the point I realized how badly I wanted to keep this baby because yeah at first I was like I prayed that something would happen and I would just be scary or do something like that but now when now it was happening actually happening I was so sure I don't want my baby to die I was sure I want to face every challenge with the baby now yeah so what is faithful she she survived yeah and we were still doing well and yeah she went on until now she was born so my cousin we met several but he didn't know that anything like that had happened was at the same time I was thinking if I tell him he may confront and I don't want to deal with this guy at any point in my life you see so I avoided telling my cousin I avoided telling anyone who may know the guy was but but at the same time my cousin was telling me things like you had that so-and-so married you had that so-and-so dropped out of school you had that so-and-so did this but in my heart it was like stabbing me in the heart completely because I don't want to hear about this person but I don't think don't want to like spread my event a vendetta all over so I just kept silent yeah so whatever I knew about the guy I just kept quiet about my own side of the story the coming of the baby brought joy in Patricia's life despite the fact that the man who got her pregnant distanced himself the moment she mentioned to him that she was pregnant I was in denial cause when you think about assault or rape you are thinking of a stranger or you know but now this is someone you know someone who knows you are relative yeah so you you're still in denial that such a person cannot assault you like even if he did you are still you still can't use that sort of word on that that kind of person you know so it took me quite a while to digest and I think the denial just helped me to heal faster because yeah that's why I never followed up cause so when I found out I was expected I sent him a text and I told him by the way I am expectant and he told me congrats was their dad and that's that's how I blocked him completely I locked him out of my life like it was enough what he had done to me and for him too make comedy out of my life I I just found it a bit off so I blocked him completely I lost contact I lost touch completely moved on I healed completely and I was thinking now I will never even follow up now I'll never even say anything because if he is a married man I wouldn't expect if I were the one who is married I wouldn't want someone to interfere with my family life so I said whichever way whatever happened happened and my daughter is already loved by so many people so I don't need his contribution in whatever sort of way so after some time actually like two months ago he texted me on Facebook he opened another Facebook account because I had already blocked him many years ago so he opened another Facebook and he texted me a whole lot of story and I couldn't read cuz this is a pass or nay I don't want to deal with anyway so he sent me a very long message and in capital letters he was my baby and I did read the whole thing but when I saw my baby in cups I just wrote my number there and I told him call me and tell me what just he what you want was definitely I can't read this whole thing so he called me he said he realized he made a mistake he is very sorry he sincerely sorry and he said a lot of other terminology is saying sorry but I told him we forgive him but we just don't want anything to do with him because you know we have really struggled and the fact that he went so low as to abuse me I found it very off and I know it's only cause he has since a month are doing things cause I know by the time he came to text me in my inbox he has seen my profile picture he has seen Samantha's page Samantha's Instagram Samantha's everything so I think he was approaching us from a point of our prestige but he was not there okay it's not like I wanted him to be there during that whole struggle cause anyway I would not have lived with it just knowing that this person instead of telling me I want a baby or I want these he just took the shortcut and left me bearing the consequence but I would tell you for free Samantha is a very amazing child he would not even say she has been through anything she is she she's a peaceful child she's been like that ever since she was born she has never been troublesome never been a crybaby she is just loved by people yeah and she's very charismatic so I can't say that I missed out on anything because of her or I lost anything because of having her yeah because eventually I went back to university I was able to enroll I met a total stranger when I was going to look for a job as a house girl and that person told me instead of me hiring you let me just give you their money you just go to school and that person paid my my holiest school fees Samantha's holiest school fees and gave us money for food the whole year and money for hospital a whole year like and that was a total stranger so that's why I don't feel beta because even when I am talking about it people think did it really happen because me as long as my problem was sold I don't see why I should continue holding on to bitterness and resentment yeah yeah so I am still in University and I'll be in Fatiha this camisa mesta and so far so good then samantha is also doing well she is the youngest runway model in Kenya and she is also a poet yeah and she she wants to be a presenter so that's that explains why she talks so much yeah she does a lot of things for herself and she just loves to make progress just even in her Prius she says God made two morrow be better than today yeah she just loves progress and she's a charming child she's very nice I can tell you my mom has comics but uh Claro cometa Bella Cujo Aerostars ha that will light her life many turns of slept on an empty belly but never an empty mind will America wish I were a ninja hey new Africa wish I were a ninja because I remember when after I lost my dad there were so many challenges you know family no family is completely stable so at some point I really tried to commit suicide because you know at a time when my dad was unwell so we went to visit him in hospital because we didn't know what was wrong so you are innocently just visiting a sick person so my daughter kind of contracted some infections yeah and it was really tough strong you up she was put on TV medication for some time so I took all those pills that my daughter had been given in hospital and I swallowed all of them and it was painful it was really painful so when I looked at her she you know she she's always been a beautiful child so when I looked at her I felt a lot of regret because I was like okay I want to die who am i leaving her with because while I was pregnant nobody was hosting me nobody cared about me so who am i leaving Howie my breakthrough happened when I met that lady when she paid my school fees and she was a total stranger and when I told her I have a baby she at first okay she she didn't tell me instantly she doesn't believe me but it was only courtesy for me to just register my units then come to give her feedback the following week which I did so I when I went to give her feedback I also went with my baby and she loved her and that's when now I would say we met her breakthrough because because of her we have been guarantee we have been sort of guaranteed accommodation here here at the school the fact that we have been living here it's been very easy for us to find opportunities because there has been internet connection and everything so in my facebook I came across there little Miss Kenya things I registered my daughter I came up across the Little Miss well I registered my daughter and in both she really excelled and she was loved and eventually it has really come about just by me staying here knowing that food is guaranteed accommodation is guaranteed I am going to school like I have been able to think straight when I told my mom that I have found someone to pay my fees she was really happy she was she she was like oh I knew it I knew this would happen I knew you would go to school and I knew it was not my money that will take you there yeah so she was very happy for me and for herself she is very proud of me yeah so I can say in all these three sine scenarios that God has been faithful first of all and another thing I feel like I have that purpose to fulfill that is not small and the fact that I have been through it all and have survived it and I can still stand and smile I think I am in a better position to talk to someone who is going through the same or maybe worse and just it gives me a sense of empathy it put it put me on a higher position to empathize with someone from there are three scenarios given that I tried suicide it did not work I tried abortion you did not walk then I come to Nairobi and a total stranger just helps me get like the breakthrough of my lifetime I I would say first of all God is faithful and also I have a purpose in this life that I have to fulfill which can never be cut short like no matter how I tried yeah so I think I just I just want to live and fulfill that purpose and yeah it's just been encouraging me to just wait on God and for those things have gone on gone through I feel I'm in a better position to empathize with people people who are going through my situation or maybe worse or better so I would say those scenarios have helped me to put myself in someone else's shoes hi my name is Samantha I'm five years old I want to be a presenter and a pilot and a doctor when I grow up my mom loves me you know I don't have a father it's like my father did make me he left me when I was a bit a baby so I have no father I just only know my mom yeah I was just only one hurting my momma because I only know my mom one of advice I first of all every situation is different yeah so I would say that no matter what happens God is always aware and nothing just happens without a reason and two single moms sometimes yeah it's it's okay to feel bad it's okay to feel bad but it's also okay to communicate to communicate with a friend cause I know most of my problems I went through because I did not have someone to talk to and at the same time I did not even want to talk to anyone so I would feel like talking to someone who would really help and also no matter what situation you're in as long as you are alive don't give up as long as you you can see tomorrow or the next minute or the next hour don't give up because I know that I have seen situations turn around so suddenly like that day I met a stranger who'd have thought that me coming from the house not even showered I would meet the person who would change my life completely so I would say that we should never give up as long as we can breathe yeah it's better to be homeless hopeless note that he turned on Drupal once his child with child the one his Nova health the on his never Fred the one whose existence he denied my mom has to love twit and do you mind you are a deadbeat that's why we want dance to your tune double dot for mom and I peace with all this we can just conclude by saying God's purpose in our lives shall always prevail no matter what we go through therefore stand strong amidst all negativity

30 Replies to “I Tried Committing Suicide & Abortion~ Mama Samantha Jesus' Life Story”

  1. Even as an adult this child will be haunted by this. She will blame herself thinking that it was her fault to be conceived and she ruined your life. This ain’t wiae

  2. Don't show this girl ur tears,show her love unconditional love that all,we also cry but we make sure ur kids don't see

  3. I don't see any problem with telling the kid the truth, I wish my mum did the same I would not have expected too much from a rship that never existed. When she passed i struggled alot coz i thought everything was ok time teaches and in a brutal way atleast letting her know the truth will help her choose things and people wisely not to repeat the same mistake

  4. I really don't know why you shouldn't tell anyone.and again why you afraid of sueing the guy .?all this things that people pass through and yet protect those who do this to them I never see what it means.

  5. is it healthy and wise to let your five year old baby know that her father didnt like her? Please let her enjoy childhood. i think she is over informed about adult stuff. My thoughts. She is very beautiful and talented may God guide her.

  6. She should not feed her daughter with her bitter past life
    She should take responsibility of her messy life and let the gal live her life

  7. Mama Samantha you're one in a million, strong woman I have learned a lot from your strory ,Baby Samantha you're an amazing child keep the fire burning no turning back, God bless you.

  8. Wow, i feel like this kababy is too young to know the father denied her. She doesn't even understand how deep that statement is. I would have preserved such in4 and tell her when she really understands staff.

  9. Tears in my eyes,I’m sorry it happened to you.
    I really pray you will go from strength to strength and your baby is beautiful ❤️
    You are so articulate and have a great voice you can find a job that incorporates that if you like 💕

  10. Yikes. Please never ever let your child confess that she is a mistake ever again. Everything leading up to her conception could be but she definitely isn't

  11. There is no right time to tell your child the truth. Some children grow up faster and either way, eventually she would have found out about her dad.

  12. Encouraging story. However don't feed the girl with lots of resentment for the dad. She is too young for words like “dead beat”. Otherwise great story

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