Im PREGNANT again…the journey after miscarriages, first trimester

so I have been m.i.a for YouTube in a very long time but I'm pleased to be back with a new series because I am pregnant so I am currently about almost 7 what we are seven weeks along now in this pregnancy and I thought I would start a new series because I've always really enjoyed people documenting their pregnancies and I thought why not why don't I jump on the bandwagon and share with you guys because it is a much easier to platform to show on than on Instagram I still post things on there as well that's usually my main source of social media that I use but why not do some more lengthy vlogs on YouTube when I have the time or the energy at the moment to actually do them so if you're new to my YouTube channel when you clicked on here for the journey then make sure you go to my Instagram account and actually understand a bit more about who I am and the journey that we've been on so far so I'm Alistair and I'm a health and fitness coach and online coach in the health and fitness community I have been for the past 11 years I've done competitive bodybuilding I've done competitive powerlifting and now we're going on this old new journey of the baby train so I turned 30 last year just turned 31 about a month ago and my goal was to always to start to try to have children around this age so we've been trying now for probably about the last I think seven months pretty much since I did my last competition which was in November last year over in the UK me and my partner Sean we've been together for four years and we decided that this was something that we really wanted to do and go on that next journey so we have been trying since about November and we're now in May pretty much June I think it's actually teaching today so it's been it kind of has been a long journey and kind of not because I know that some people try to fall pregnant for years and years and years and I don't want to take away from that and I don't want to sound like a selfish brat in the sense that it has only taken us technically about seven eight months to fall pregnant but at the same time this hasn't come without complications and a pretty hard journey and that's kind of what I wanted to share with you guys and talk about you know the first trimester things I'm going through here and then also what kind of happened up to so we actually from the get-go store a fertility doctor now a lot of people are saying well why did you save tiller doctor you hadn't even tried yet you know what was that concerns there absolutely when I did body moving for long period of time I lost my menstrual cycle and it's only really been irregular back the last couple of years and I had a lot of problems with my hormones in the past so it was definitely something that back in my mind which is why I also didn't want to leave it too late to have kids because that was definitely a concern so basically we saw the fertility specialist for that reason I just wanted to get every test under the Sun done probably because me and Sean have both got science degrees and University educated that we really wanted to know all of the facts as well we find this whole pregnancy journey so interesting that we really wanted to be educated on as much of it as possible so the doctors literally send you for every single test like everything has to have an internal one when they go in and check your follicles and check everything there so get a nice scene up your vagina yeah pregnancy it's really not glamorous I had to go in and do less tests Sean also have to get tested as well so for males I have to generally get their sperm count done this them count as well as motility so the speed of the sperm if you've got slow swimmers but you've got a lot of them that could be a problem or if you've got fast swimmers but not a lot of them then that can be a problem as well so it's really important that the male and female gets checked everything came back clear for me Sean's came back with a few red flags he had really high FSH which is also then linked with lower sperm count which was a bit of a concern and now the doctors obviously automatically assume because his being in as a bodybuilder that he's on steroids that is not the case he is not he's always competed as a natural athlete not that we're against that but at the same time that was always kind of our mutual promise that he wouldn't do that until we had kids so that came back in his sperm count was a little low which was a bit confusing because he's a very healthy individual and normally with sperm count it's either to do with your health or you know lifestyle variables but at that same time we were launching a huge coaching program we were working a lot there was just a lot going on in our lives we've just built a new house so there was a lot going on we had a bit of financial pressure and stress and he wasn't sleeping very well and sleep poor diet all of these things can impact on sperm health so his sperm count came back at zero point nine million which is really really low I know that sounds like a lot you really want it to be over about 10 to 15 million so basically then the doctors can prescribe something for that but the doctor said look it's one point we need to retest you in another four to six weeks see if it's improved so we actually changed Sean's diet in that time I was started to juice for him I was making juices because he doesn't eat a lot of vegetables so I was making a lot of juice because at the time he was eating like 6,000 calories and if he eats vegetables and he has too much fiber in his diet and then he gets bloated so he was eating a lot of like chicken rice beef like good quality food but not really a lot of micronutrients so they got that into his diet he started sleeping better he started actually training more because his training had lacked a little bit because we were so busy and then his sperm count jumped up to I think 10 million so that was fantastic and we had actually fallen pregnant prior to his sperm test anyway so we actually put that sperm test off for a little bit longer because I had miraculously gotten pregnant and we didn't actually know because when you're working with Attila doctors they only really send you for testing at the start and then they wait for you to come up to your cycle and then they bought testing and whatnot but that first month a month or two we actually got pregnant when was it I think it was in February I'm trying to remember all the dates now things couldn't really remember that one that well is febrile March I believe that I first got pregnant and then about I didn't know and then I did a pregnancy test and I had a very very faint line on one of these like super faint you could barely see it but I started getting really bad stomach pain and then I started bleeding and the blood was a different colour to what I never had a period before and also my period was I think seven days like so technically I was about you know a couple of weeks pregnant they count it from the date of your last period so really would have been three weeks but away post a little bit post maybe eight days post implantation so I had that I went to the doctors with the bleeding and they basically said you probably early miscarried because they didn't really dogs interrupted me because I didn't really know that I was pregnant at the time you didn't really bother me of course I was a little bit upset but at the same time I didn't know I'm super early on so it was a very dark brown color going into detail now and quite a lumpy textures are very different to a normal menstrual cycle there was a bit of HCG and my blood test which kind of showed that that's what had happened so I was actually over the moon that I've actually gotten pregnant because of Sean's sperm count so yeah we saw it as a really positive thing and to not be something that we really dwell on going forward because it did happen so early on so basically after that it did take a little bit for my period to come back normally I remember bleeding for a couple of days and I think uh two weeks later I had a bleed so I kind of technically called that the start of my cycle so then after around two weeks post menstrual cycle your around your ovulation it varies what every single person some people have longer cycle shorter cycles so don't get to help out on that but it's also important to then track your size also that you know how long yours is around them when you're ovulating you can start checking ovulation with the at home kits so little bits that you pee on and they'll basically tell you you know when your LH is surging and then that's a good indicator you're going to be ovulating some around there's that's when you want to have sex so you want to make sure you're having it around there and you're having it at least a day prior to ovulation not obviously often on the day of ovulation because sometimes the eggs actually didn't move down so you want to make sure that there's spammies in there prior before it actually then goes towards that more implantation stage so we actually then got pregnant back-to-back so we got pregnant when I overlaid with that next time and we didn't actually plan this one that we weren't actually going through clinic I told Sean that she needed a little bit of a break we didn't actually know I was pregnant so we were still you know having sex as you do and we all kind of loosely knew that we were around ovulation and we were like look if it happens it happens but at the same time probably blowing because of the miscarriage so anyway we did that and then I booked a quick trip with a girlfriend to go away to barley for a few days I just needed a break I was just kind of mentally tired after all the blood tests and everything and all of that and I thought why not her meds will go away before I actually get pregnant again have a little trip with on my girlfriend's he lives in New York so she was going to Bali for a couple of days so I flew up there now that was around the time I think I was about ten days post um so coming up to my ex period where sometimes still a little early on to check if you're actually pregnant I think I was actually about two weeks so I took a pregnancy test we've mean just to be safe in case you were going out and having a few drinks and enjoying ourselves and I tested the night before we went out which was the end of our trip so I will be in about two-and-a-half weeks by then and this is two-and-a-half weeks post implantation by the way which is about four weeks pregnant it gets confusing between gestation and dates and actual pregnancy and that's what's something I was confused about – – the other day so did test it was negative but thinking back I did it so quickly like I literally pee look to that and I was like yeah I'm not pregnant okay let's go out and so didn't really pay attention to it which is pretty silly because sometimes you need to wait like a good solid 5 or 10 minutes for that to occur and anyway we went out I think because I didn't think I was pregnant I was kind of like what's the point in testing it so then we went out but the one big thing I noticed in Bali was my girlfriend kept saying that my boobs looked really big and I was pretty tired I just thought holidays I was also bit stressed out with work before I went so whatever didn't pay attention to and I just thought maybe I'm putting a little bit of body fat so if you kind of think about what this thing is and rationalize out of it we go back from barley and I had to jump straight back into cycle trapping because we were going to track the next cycle through the fertility clinic and when I got back I'd do my first blood test which normally they're just looking for you know a sturgeon for Chester and that sort of thing and they tested HCG as well because it could have been around that time and they rang me off about a half later in the lay your program so that was a bit of a shock we were actually flying out to Melbourne the next day so I was only able to get one blood test in in between those times now that's each my HCG so basically a pregnancy hormone was very very low it was 25 which shows that there's a pregnancy there but it's not super super developed or it may not have been as far along as what we can kind of estimate you always estimating kind of how far you are along based on roughly when you're ovulating so that was quite low but they weren't too concerned but my progesterone was quite low so it was only 25 which it should be about fifty by that point so they put me on progesterone pessaries which well not technically per series did it I had to insert them anally so there's some fun for you so over it the Arnold's with my clients looking after them kind of running around there and then trying to also take care of the fact that I just found out I was pregnant which is a bit it was a lot and I didn't want my clients to really know I didn't want to bother them I didn't want it to be about me so I kept it really under wraps and I just kind of tried to do the bare minimum I was also really tired by this point and saying to get a bit of pregnancy fatigue so I was kind of looking after my clients then going back to my room and having a nap luckily we were staying really close to the convention center also it's dr. King caffeine for the last few weeks so that also been quite challenging there's no way I'm such a coffee lover so anyway the girls are on stage on the Friday everything was all fine I started telling Sean I had a bit of abdominal pain on Friday we just kind of ignored it and then Saturday they finished and we went out to dinner after we went to the gym and we did a very light session so don't anybody say that you know you're training the thing that caused it he definitely wasn't I was doing like seated machine shoulder presses and lateral raises I was doing nothing crazy super light went back home and so in dinner torture on I was still getting a bit of the stomach pain and I couldn't really finish my food and we just thought maybe this is you know start of pregnancy we haven't got this far long before and then I just knew in your gut and I think any kind of mom to be knows that you kind of have this sweet intuition I just didn't feel right and there was something that was just off and then I went to the toilet and there was blood so same thing again and I just knew in my heart that it was another miscarriage I just knew and Shawn was like look it could be implantation bleeding and I was like it's too late for that implantation bleeding normally happens in that first sort of two to three weeks which is what I thought the first pregnancy was and I just said I just know and it was a dark color and it was lumpy I just it was like the same thing coming back but heavier this time because what further along so I meant I rang my mom and I was like mom what do you think I should do and she was like don't worry just go bed it'd be fine just you'll be right and I was like no something doesn't feel right and she was like if you don't feel right we go to the doctors so there was luckily an emergency clinic near us it was now like midnight by this point so we went into the emergency female clinic in Melbourne and that was amazing being able to go that was just near our hotel and they took me in for some blood tests I was giving birth around me it was pretty hectic I was like the least most important case there so we were just kind of sitting there bleeding like just kind of waiting and then they took me in and did a blood test to check what my HCG was and it literally was like nothing so the lady walked into the clinic and she just had this sad look in her face and I was like I knew what she was gonna say she was like look yo no longer pregnant the HCG dropped down to like one or two or something and yeah you've lost the baby so that was kind of it if anyone that's gone through a miscarriage it's one of the weirdest feelings of just like I don't know you've put all this energy into looking after yourself so I for the pregnancy and you just start to get excited and then all of a sudden it's just take noid from you like that so I know it could be worse I'm not someone who's ungrateful for our position but I think any miscarriage no matter how far along you are no matter what you're going through it's hard definitely obviously the further along the harder is that's why I found the second one harder than the first and also we done a lot of research and it's said that it's very common for you to have a first miscarriage but the chances of a second most miscarriage is much lower it's like 2% of women or something so you kind of think I've got my miscarriage on the way I'm not gonna have another one and so we did and I was really hard as you want to stay in Melbourne because when we go to these Expos you're bumping into people from around Australia who I love and I love going to them but when you're not really in that right mindset I just wanted to get home and I'm normally such a positive person and can shake most things off and Shaun was like you just need a little bit of time to grow so we changed our flights we got on the first flight in the morning got a out of there people slept for like two hours got home hugged my dogs and just had a day for like me I pretty much got myself back up the next day and just threw myself back into work because I just think that there's no point dwelling on something like this you can't do anything about it you can't control it it is not your fault 99% of the time obviously there's certain things you can do that can kind of help prevent miscarriage but I spoke to my doctor and he said I'd done nothing wrong and that it simply was the case that it just wasn't a strong pregnancy and that can happen it can be judoka like sperm can it can be due to so many different things so he suggested that we actually raped her Sean's sperm again because yeah there could be issues there as well which is why maybe I was getting pregnant that holdi could just be seen it could be hot like more in depth things with me in terms of my progesterone and my lining so he was keen to do a bit more research so he suggested we wait another six to eight weeks for another sperm test he suggested we skip tracking a cycle just to give me a bit of a mental break and to allow my period and everything to come back so I had a bleed again about two weeks later and then we kind of class that as the start of my next cycle so we didn't really track the next one through the doctors as much I think how waiting for one blood test but we just kind of thought if it happens it happens um I actually wasn't that mentally prepared for it I gained a little bit of weight I was feeling a little uncomfortable which I'm totally fine with but I just kind of wanted some time for me again to get back into my training and my nutrition and everything before we got into the next one so I think my weight was around like high 68 then that was like sixty eight point eight or you know fluctuating to 69 so that's kind of where I was and I was like a comfortable weight for me is kind of like 66 67 so I thought you know we'll just kind of play it by ear and do what we can and just let me get a bit of me back and I think that's really important if you're going through this to not just sometimes just go back to back to back to back because you need a little bit of time for you especially with like of her clients go through IVF and we always suggest the same thing to give yourself a little bit of new time again rather than just feeling like a pincushion for blood tests or like getting your uterus scanned every day and it's very invasive so we didn't really trial that hard I didn't think I was pregnant the next time around so that was around the end of April that I would have been ovulating and it happened we got pregnant again so it actually shows that I'm really fat whore so we pretty much got pregnant three out of four months that we'd been trying we did in the first two months but then there out of the four months we got pregnant so the third pregnancy is where we're at now so I am technically about seven weeks along now and I don't know there's just something about this pregnancy that feels different I just feel like it's meant to be I feel like it's the one I feel like everything in our life's kind of coming together like it's perfect don't get it twisted but a house is pretty much finished being built we've got the most the gardening now no they sound like really weird things but there's just not as much on my plate we're finished launching our coaching Kok program works really good clients are good I'm not taking on any one extra and just feel in a good place and I do believe I'm not a super religious person but I believe that things happen for a reason and I think those first two pregnancies honestly taught me that I needed to slow down that I couldn't do everything I couldn't be Superman all the time well I can be superwoman I am superwoman but not in the sense of having to do everything so slowing down I kind of continue that even though we weren't trying I was really trying to back off things and really decide what's important in my life and what isn't what people don't want to spend time with what friendships don't know invest in because your time is so limited and especially when you're trying to have a family and have a child your times gonna be even more limiting once you have one so it's kind of like chewing the fat in your life and that was something that I did and that's why I haven't been on social media a lot the last few months it's just I just needed a little bit of a break for looking after my life and health and my partner's life and our family that we're trying to create so super happy at the same time I've been so nervous every single step of this pregnancy and everyone says to me look no silly just need to chill out it's like you try to chill out oh you have two miscarriages in a row it's almost like mentally you're thinking like it's just gonna happen again and that's almost like I know it sounds really negative but it's actually more me trying to be positive in a sense of if it happens I'm going to be okay because I've been through it before and I can go through again and I really want this kid and if it happens amazing but if it doesn't we'll try again rather than like it being super positive and like it's gonna happen it's gonna be the one I'm kind of a little bit in those two headspace is home like of course I wanted to have no one I'm more than anything but I don't want to get my hopes up so much that then I'm a mess you know if something was to occur so there's never really a safe point in pregnancy but definitely once you get to about 10 or 12 weeks the chance of miscarriage like drop tenfold you know you able to sit out baby forming there's obviously more complications that could happen along with it I honestly didn't know how many complications and things could happen until we actually started this journey and then I started to realize how it is pretty hectic for new for London I don't think women talk about it and not have all the stuff that can happen when you're pregnant so I guess I just want to bring awareness to those things but then also show you guys how we get through some of them so where we're at today so the blood tests have been giving them twice a week which has been amazing so they've been checking my HCG and progesterone compared to the last pregnancy things are already looking ten times better which is why I am more positive about this one my HCG has pretty much been doubling every time we do a pregnancy test so the first time we tested it was 75 already higher than the last one and now it's up to 22,000 which where that brings the morning sickness that fatigue the brain fog all of that fun stuff so it's in a good place my progesterone is about 100 so that's also in a good place but I'm also on the progesterone tablets the second week into pregnancy I had a bit of a dip in progesterone so straightaway put me back on them and it's been up ever since then so I probably have to stay on them till about ten weeks just to be safe and then the placenta will take over so in terms of where I'm at high the last two weeks have been pretty hard especially yesterday I had my first actual vomiting experience I'm trying to keep food down so I've actually lost like two kilos in the last week pretty much just from nauseous just not feeling like anything like your taste buds are so sensitive I've been trying to keep down very plain and simple food I had some wheat bits before that seems to stay down okay but yeah my taste buds are strange some days I really crave like a pizza or a burger and other days I just want like dry toast you just kind of have to listen to your body sadly at this point but at the same time I'm not using that as an excuse to go Yolo with food and still trying to get micronutrients in by juicing them because I really don't feel like eating vegetables at the moment which is so weird we love having like a big salad every single day so my cravings have been strange there were also be more for savory foods and sweet food and normally I have a big sweet tooth so a lot of people like you're probably having a boy I think has a few wives towels around those things all of the lifestyles at the moment are pointing more towards boy so my skin is cleared up normally I have like sort of sporadic sort of breakouts my skin's actually gotten better since I've been pregnant besides the bags on the mountains but that's just fatigue being yet definitely craving savoury food I feel like I've just started to like pop a little tiny bit in my lower abdominal region it's sitting quite low so it get a nice kind of safe sitting low it could be a boy but then at the same time I kind of felt like sweet stuff yesterday so who knows Sean what's boy I don't want a boy so maybe you're we're just kind of like channeling that but at the same time as long as the baby is healthy I will be so beyond grateful I don't even care what sex it is but you know that's what we always just kind of thought we have a boy first but we really don't give a we're not those people we sure have so much gratitude for the fact that we have conceived quite quickly technically even though we have it the ups and downs that you know we're in a good place that we were or I work full-time from home so I've got the flexibility at the moment where I at the moment struggling with a lot of fatigue if my words over it rambled with the fatigue at the moment I find I'm actually okay in the morning so don't know how they call it morning sickness I'm really bad once it hits about one o'clock so I'm trying to get up early about six seven going out and exercises I'm going to exercise in the morning and then I pretty much smash up my work as efficiently as I can and then have an afternoon nap and then get back into work again and then go to bed if that's kind of been working for me and I still manage to be able to run my business efficiently and nobody knows what's going on set for one night I had some client calls sometimes I have client calls in the evening and I had to cancel on them because that was yesterday I was literally vomiting so besides that it hasn't impacted on work and my number one thing is that I will not let my pregnancy impact my work life as much as can I'm gonna be really sticking as well once we actually have the kids some things are gonna have to change but in the actual pregnancy I'm gonna do my best to keep my workload where it's at not add anything to my plate but still manage my clients and I just think that your personal life shouldn't impact when your works work like so if I'm going through something then that has to be kept personally and it's not like yeah just needs to be kept personally so I'm gonna share it because I know that a lot of my clients are at the age where they're now going through the same sort of things that I want to share that journey and I'm just gonna do my best to still be an amazing coach and partner and now potentially mum and keep hoping that things stay positive for the next few weeks until we see the next scan and we see a little heartbeat getting stronger and all those exciting things so what do you guys think I'm having Tommy blue we having a boy and a girl what do you think and yeah I'd love for you guys to let me know what you want to see more of during this journey I'll do my absolute best like I said with a fatigue it's been pretty hard to get anything done at the moment outside of just the you know necessities of running a business but I hope you enjoyed this video and hopefully I will see you in the next one and thanks so much for tuning in

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