Let’s Talk About My Miscarriage.


– Good morning guys. It’s a beautiful–
– We’re ready to go. It’s a beautiful Sunday and we’re ready to rock n roll on our road trip. Okay, we’ve got, oh no,
it’s gonna close on me, (screams) it’s gonna close on me. Okay, saved it. We’ve got all of our
clothes and stuff in here. We’ve got a whole electronics bag, I know you’re like what the heck Jared, what could you possibly bring. – No I know that, I know why. – [Jared] It’s like,
all of our electronics, cameras, drone, all of that good stuff. My laptop, guitar, ukulele, I know it’s a little excessive for just
like, a short family reunion. – Do you wanna bring Jackson’s bike? – That might be a good idea. And Calvin’s little red one. – [Ellie] Do you wanna
just throw it in there? – Yeah, we’ll bring those in there. But I want to make sure we have just everything at our disposal
for fun and activities. It’s gonna be great,
the kids are loaded up and we are going to rock
n roll on this road trip. – Ready for a Q&A, drive it all day? – Driving all day with
the Q&A, what do you say? How bout that? – You want me to do the Q&A? I told Jared I’d be happy
to drive the first part. – And I can moderate the Q&A? – Yeah, do you want me to? – Maybe we should do rock,
paper, scissors for it. Okay, winner– – Winner drives.
– Okay. Rock, paper, scissors.
(ding) Rock, paper, scissors, rock, paper, scissors.
(ding) – Tie. – Rock, paper, scissors, rock, paper, scissors, rock, paper, scissors.
(ding) – You drive.
(laughing) – [Jared] Okay, a little
rearranging and we’re set to go. Oh, there’s one more
thing, one more thing. Cannot forget the goodies and the drinks in here in our cooler. That would have been a disastrous, seal, because you need your
snacks on a road trip. Probably one of the most important things next to your luggage is the snacks. Well, the kids are asleep. I think one of them
might be waking up soon. Jared and I want to do a Q&A, we asked you guys on Twitter
yesterday for your questions. I have a whole bunch of
them, so let’s get started. (playful music) Alright, the first question is, what is something you
want Jackson and Calvin to remember about their
childhood once they get older? – Oh, I’m on the spot, I
think I want them to remember me playing with them at home. That’s something that I had with my dad and I felt like it was very special to me. Not everyone’s dad worked
from home but mine did. I remember playing
baseball with him outside nearly any time I wanted him
to, you know that he was free. And I like that feeling
that I had with my dad and I want my kids to
have that same feeling and you know, it may
not always be like that but I want them to remember that. – This is an interesting question that could go in 1,000
different directions. What is the biggest
struggle of being parents? And my direction I’m going to take it is, my biggest struggle of being a parent is finding the balance between
everything else in life. Between Jared especially,
one on one time with Jared, that is something that
we are trying to balance and figure out if that makes sense. – Oh yeah. – [Ellie] Like date nights,
we’re trying to do more dates so it’s just me and you time. – But you also want to have
the balance of you know, playing with the kids, you
want the discipline balance, I mean there’s always
that struggle to find that perfect balance because
it’s constantly changing. And especially with age
and with children you know, and Jackson needs a different
balance than Calvin does. So I think that’s hard to find. But I think the answer
that I wanted to give that, I think as parents you’re
always wondering like, am I doing a good job. Am I doing the best that I can do? Is Jackson, are Jackson and Calvin going to be the best possible versions of themselves because of my parenting? And that’s something that
I always want them to do is like, you know, I want them to be the best versions of themselves. – This one just made me laugh. Will you just do chickens or will you do other little friends,
#getapig #realpeppapig For sure we’re doing chickens and for sure in the future,
like many years down the road, I definitely wouldn’t mind getting some other little animals. Especially if we ever got more
property that would be fun. – #peppapiginreallife I
think goats would be fun. – Right, before you fall
asleep there’s a question of, what is your favorite thing about Calvin? – Playing the fish game. – [Ellie] Playing the fish game with him? What else is your favorite
thing about Calvin? – To play tag outside. – [Ellie] Oh fun. How do you go about praying as a couple? That’s a good one. I mean we always do breakfast prayers. – Yeah, I mean like the meals and, first I think we always
need to pray more I think, you know that’s, we
wanna pray more together. But, before bed and meals is
usually like, when we pray. – Um yeah, morning and night and then we definitely have our individual prayers. Especially when we went out on our 4-wheeling day trip this week. We talked a lot about
like, how we were feeling and like, what we have been like, individually been praying about and so I think that’s a really good reason why you do need to have
dates or one on one time with your spouse to talk
about how you’re feeling, what you’re wishing,
what you’re praying for, what you’re needing, so yeah. What is the longest you
and Jared have fought for? This is a very interesting question and it, there’s no right
or wrong way I think to, it’s just what you and
your spouse need to do to get over arguments. Jared and I from day one, and
it’s been very good for us considering this is
what we do for a living, we do not linger fights. We do not hold grudges, we do get upset. – We have arguments, we have arguments. – We have disagreements. Jared and I have always been open and communication and we compromise and when I say, oh, I
don’t think we’ll do that and he really wants to I know that okay, then we will or visa versa. We both are really good to just know not to take so much or
he’s not to take so much and we’re really good to just like, work down the middle. – I’ve always thought
selflessness was a huge factor in the success of marriage. But it has to go both ways. Both parties have to be selfless. But how long did our boxing match last? Like when we were really angry and like, we put on the gloves in the
ring and just duked it out. Was that like what, three minutes? – 20 minutes.
– 20 minutes? – No, Jared and I are not perfect. We argue, we fight, we have discussions, we have disagreements,
our feelings get hurt, we say things we don’t mean,
but at the end of the day we really don’t go to bed fighting and that’s what I’m very grateful for. – That’s very important to me that we solve what we can there. – What is one thing you hated growing up but now as an adult you love? – Baked potatoes.
– Yes. (laughing) – I’m still having a hard
time with mashed potatoes believe it or not. I hated potatoes as a kid. Like, my grandpa, oh my
gosh, he made me eat one. He’s like, you’re not leaving this table until you eat your
potatoes and I took a bite and swallowed it and I threw up. I hated them. But going to Finland and becoming an adult I’ve learned to like baked potatoes. – What is the greatest thing you’ve done this summer as a family? And it’s something that we haven’t even really captured very much. Maybe on Instagram stories we have, but it’s after we’ve ended the vlog if the kids have stayed up late or if one of the kids,
usually we kind of take turns, like if one kid’s having
a hard time going to bed or one wakes up, we just
hang out in our yard with the grass and play. And that’s been a really fun memory. What are some names you
might consider for a baby? It says the baby but just future babies. We totally love the name– – Dallon.
– Totally. This says, tips on discipline
and learning for children, and I think more and more,
especially as we get into YouTube and I’m being open and listening
to other people’s stories I think that as a parent
you need to definitely feel what’s best for
you and your children. But the best thing that’s
worked for us on disciplining and learning from
children is communication. Little three year olds, they’re just three and they need to learn
and they need to respect and they need to listen,
but their little minds are so little still, you know. And so I think just
communicating is a big key. I ask Jackson why I got mad at him, I asked him what he did
wrong and we talk through a lot of things so, do you have any? – Yeah, there’s a saying
that I like, it’s like, discipline hard, but love harder. And that’s something that I
always try and do with our kids is like, if I get after
them for doing something I love them like, bring them in and make sure they know that I love them all the more after the
discipline if that makes sense. You know what I mean? – When you and Jared have another baby will Calvin be moved to
another room in the house or will he stay in the room he is in? Maybe not at first because the baby will probably be in our room
for the first few months, but for sure, that room
upstairs is, was and is kind of designed for
the youngest, the baby to be in that room. So eventually Calvin will be with Jackson or in their own room. I think it’d be really fun if
they were in a room together because I always loved sharing rooms so we’ll see, I don’t
know about that but– – I can totally picture Jackson and Calvin sharing a room and then the baby having its own room upstairs. – What are your favorite
tv shows on Netflix? We just got done watching– – We just finished Master of None. – [Ellie] Which was really fun. – It was really, really great. It’s a different kind of TV
but I really enjoy Aziz Ansari. We like The Flash, we love Psych, we wish Psych was coming back to Netflix. Oh, can we talk about the Psych hype for the movie coming out this Christmas? So excited for that. One show that we’ve
been watching a lot too is Better Call Saul. We loved Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul I think is just as good. – [Ellie] It’s probably better because it’s not as, I think it’s cleaner. – Yeah, yeah I think so too. – We have two more questions and I’m gonna save the last for the, kind of the most requested, but this is a very good question. How do you handle hate? You guys are always so
positive and strong. Well thank you, we definitely
are not strong all the time but–
– Who are you kidding? Do you see these muscles
on my arms, I am so strong. In all seriousness, you
know, there’s always that. And we know what we signed up for that this is something
that just happens with it. And it can be difficult to get the hate and sometimes, you know, we expect it so we can brace ourselves and
kind of know what’s coming but sometimes we get blindsided and sometimes we just have to take the day and just you know, let
our emotions play out and sometimes we don’t film
the big part of that day because our feelings are hurt
and we’re working on that and sometimes our kids even see that. – See that as in like,
sometimes it can affect us and we’re like, so it’s hard because this
is our life you know. It’s different if it was
like, oh we did some like, challenge video and people hated it. But when it’s like, so personal and we’re kind of in those years where we’re like, raising our children and it’s really hard
sometimes to separate it and you do what’s best for you and to not let other people
you know, even family, friends, affect how you are raising your family. So sometimes it can just
trigger something and– – When you’re dealing
with delicate emotions those things have a big effect on it. How do we deal with it, you know– – Sometimes we just have
to take a morning break or an afternoon, that’s
usually how we deal with it is we just, we’re just not
gonna film until tonight or we’ll film in the morning
and not in the evening and kind of just like, recoup. – Recoup and we always try to make sure that we’re there for
the other person like, sometimes I have a hard time with comments and sometimes Ellie does and we’re always trying
to be there for each other and I think that’s a big part of it. – And this last question
has been requested a lot but it’s been very hard so you can kind of help answer but it is talking about how we are doing after the miscarriage
emotionally, mentally, how are we doing, and you can probably attest to how I’m doing mentally. (laughing) I have not been very open yet with how I’ve been feeling. I feel like when we share stuff online you have to feel very good
about what you’re sharing because you are so
vulnerable and if you’re not even the slightest, the
slightest hesitation can make you curl up into a ball and I’ve done that a little bit and I totally have had to
curl up into a little ball because I haven’t been
able to emotionally handle sharing and right now. And I’ve shared a little bit and I’m very sad and I love and adore my children and I don’t take them for granted and because I have two kids it doesn’t mean I don’t want more and I’ve just been very sad and blue and I’ve been confused and I’ve been confused
because now I’m in a spot where my emotions are very raw and I just don’t know if I’m ready to have another baby right now so we’re definitely just kind of just healing
still, if that makes sense. – I think one of the hardest parts to handle for you mentally is that one thing that we
wanted to do especially about this was to be more open and to document this more and once we started doing
that I just don’t think it was very well received and I think that was
hard for us to handle. – [Ellie] Yes, I agree. – Like Ellie said, the
gratitude that we have for our two kids like, that’s, I mean, you can’t put a number on that. I mean it’s just that we
have so much gratitude for what we have already but– – [Ellie] Doesn’t mean we
don’t want a bigger family. – Yeah, and it doesn’t
mean that you can’t be sad for a loss.
– Yeah. I’ve just been kind of blue and that’s about how we have
been feeling a little bit. I think something that
Jared and I have learned, we’ve been doing, we started
documenting about our struggles and it’s a little harder right now to document it because of
the following that we have and how vulnerable we’re
willing to be right now and we’ve learned a few things I think the next time we get pregnant
or have a miscarriage. I think that it’s really important that, because right now we’re sharing
everything as it happens and I think next time I, for
my own like mental health and for us to really soak it in, whether it’s happiness or grieving, it may take us a little bit to share because it was really hard to grieve and then share it right away and it’s just something
that we’re still learning of how we wanna film and how
we wanna document our life. I’m not saying that it’s like,
oh we’re not gonna be open it’s just not right away. Like right now I’m still
trying to figure out my own emotions so it’s
hard for me to talk about the miscarriage and how I’m feeling because I don’t even know
how I’m feeling right now. If that makes sense. I’m trying to just
swallow it and figure out how I’m feeling before I
talk about it too much. – And before you know, moving on. – Yeah, but with these last two questions we are absolutely so grateful for the wonderful following that
we have and the viewers, it’s been so amazing. I’ve messaged several of you
separately back on Instagram comments, meeting you guys in person. Like, we would never
change what we do ever. Like this is a wonderful thing to have and a wonderful community. We’re just still learning
and trying to figure out our own emotions right now. – That’s what I was gonna say, is it’s surprising that
we’ve done this daily for three years but every
day we’re still learning something new and every
day gosh darn it Jared, I don’t want to get emotional, every day I’m grateful for the positivity that we get. I know we talked a little bit about our emotions and how we’ve been feeling and how we respond to
those types of things but the positivity,
the support that we get is overwhelming and it’s wonderful and it’s amazing and it’s because I know a lot of you guys have gone through a lot of the same things
that we have gone though and are going through. – Totally, it outweighs the negative and we don’t really talk
about the negative too much but because of these questions we’re bringing it up a little bit but it outweighs the negative and we are so, so grateful for that. That does it for our Q&A. We are gonna get ready for
our little family reunion so we are gonna let grandma
end the vlog for us today. – Bye guys, thanks for watching our video. Thumbs up for Jared and I, thumbs up. (laughing) – I’ll see you tomorrow, bye.

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