Living with Postpartum Depression

I want to talk about what postpartum depression is and what it’s like living with it day in and day out and I made a list on my phone of what it’s like because there’s just so much it comes with it and of course every mom is different but most moms will know most of what this is like because in a sense the Feeling of inadequacy the feeling of guilt The feeling of frustration and exhaustion is universal to all moms postpartum depression is different for any for everyone but Most people, it’s the same like they don’t tell you when you come home from the hospital What it feels like to Be so tired But yet feels so awake because you’re so Hyperviligent of everything that’s going on . You have to make sure that the baby’s breathing You have to make sure that the baby Doesn’t have anything over their face, but they can breathe. You have to listen for every noise in case the baby needs something your your body is just so So hyper aware of everything that you can’t shut your mind off and yet you’re so tired That all you want to do is sleep because of this exhaustion you Just cry over everything you cry over the baby crying. you cry over the fact that you can’t get up That it takes so long just to get up to even take a shower That you cry over feeling guilty because you asked somebody else to help you out with the baby You cry because you can’t stop crying and you cry because you’re exhausted But you’re exhausted because you can’t shut your mind off and you can’t shut your mind up because you’re so scared about what will happen If you do you’re scared that if you fall asleep then something will happen to the baby You are scared that the baby will need something and you won’t be able to wake up and Give it and you’re so afraid of the unknown that you worry Excessively about things that most likely would never happen like You holding the baby and the baby slipping from your arms you worry about Things happening to the baby that you have no control over you worry about things happening to yourself To make it so you can’t take care of your baby You end up getting horrible anxiety about things about Your baby not being well taken care of about other people Coming around your baby and getting your baby sick. About anything and everything that is so illogical that you can’t just shut your mind off because to you in your irrational state of being Everything is rational. Everything is going to happen because you Can’t control it. You can’t stop your mind From thinking it so of course, it’s gotta be true because you think of it and with this comes the Guilt the guilt over thinking about these things the guilt over being tired the guilt over the Frustration you’re feeling and you have guilt about feeling guilty because Why can’t you just be normal and love your baby? Why can’t you just be happy because you have a brand-new baby and It’s the most special most exciting The best thing that has ever happened to you and Then you start thinking why can’t you be happy because that mother mom over there is so very happy so anytime my baby would cry I would I would internally just start crying myself because I was afraid of Him crying I was afraid and I was frustrated and I was tired of being needed all the time and so my nerves would just be going a Million miles an hour waiting for him to start crying and then when they did it was like nails on a chalkboard Because I was just dreading that Crying and it was just frustrating Yeah, you bugging me while I’m doing my video Even though you are home with a baby and You’re not alone. You still feel so lonely And then helpless the numbness That comes with the depression being so Out of it that you can’t think about Functioning you don’t know how to function that you don’t even know what you’re thinking about you don’t even know how to think about it because Words just can’t describe what feelings you’re feeling In your mind the frustration of that. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. It’s hard because all I all I know I want is to be happy again, but in order to be happy I Don’t know how to get there when all when I wake up every morning and I just feel this Bubble of Dread numbness emptiness Tiredness Just everything every feeling Brain all at once You’re ready to explode I find myself staring out the window a lot unable to think about anything Because I don’t know what to think I don’t know how to talk. I don’t know how to Put my feelings into words I feel guilty Because I can’t be there or because I got angry I got frustrated and I put the baby down and walked away But in the end I just have to tell myself you’re doing what you can do and And what you’re doing is the best thing that you can do so just remember that You’re not alone. I Reached out and I found that there’s a lot of other moms that I know Who have suffered from? postpartum depression So reach out talk don’t hold it in Love yourself. You’ll find the way You’ll come out of the darkness

One Reply to “Living with Postpartum Depression”

  1. Wishing you peace, comfort, strength, good health, & happiness on your journey. May your heart be filled with happiness, your wishes granted, your dreams bring you love & peace. Viewed from the Virginia coast.

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