Male postpartum depression

oh so good morning good evening even good night to ever you may be in the world I guess wants to take time and share my thoughts you know these are things are you gonna keep to myself and I don't know who might be gonna do it but you know hopefully you know you're watching this you probably can I possibly relate to some of the things I'm probably about to talk about the crazy part is how doesn't even been a month since my kids been gone you know I got used to the routine waking up having them play on my kids oh god it's weird it's like oh we're filling and you know I guess this I guess you can call like a man of mail or man just postpartum depression I guess is that even oh it is uh it's weird sitting in this house and I was sitting in this apartment as you can say silence is great sometimes we needed but it's weird because it gives you that time to reflect it gives you that time to think about everything and you know going through a lot man Jesus is hard thinking about it you know we're not having them here and not having you know the extra drama extra headaches and extra things that went on to out of course of time you know going through this you can say I kind of realize like a man you know my kids was my life I didn't making eat like you know and nearby friends there you know I can easily call and say hey come over listen you know us to do something and you know just like wow you know even try now I try hard but it's like I can never successfully you know you know I say get something going partially because even my social anxiety kind of kicks in you know one moment I'm just like yes I want friends you know and then the next is like I like y'all but I gotta go home yeah you know it's it's a lot emotionally as a man is this it's very painful to watch or it's very painful to just look at your life and realize like wow I didn't do as much as I thought I did and you know hell I'm almost pushing 30 almost try to let this year out and you know if I hit 30 30 30 30 hours I guess they say you know and you know looking at a lot of things I didn't realize I didn't surround myself with a lot of people who would be here right now or you know could be here I'm not gonna you know there's not a shot at anybody who isn't here and I really appreciate you guys for those who definitely know that the death of the situation I think you it's not easy to go through most people don't realize that even even that's man that we do love our kids and we care for them you know it's not you know specially the real ones this they've been there from day one from pregnancy to you know to know whatever age they are now so it's you know it's a hard thing when you don't have that all right at that moment at time because it makes you realize a lot of things then you know it didn't make sure you know see things from a different light you could say I can't tell you how many sleepless nights before I've had a minute I thought I broke down and or how many times I've had to call friends and like you know that's these over at different states things I had to set there but hey you know let's you know those get on the game and do something I gotta take my mind off this you know basically in all of what I'm saying is it's fulfilling when everything is going on you think you have a lot until it's gone and then you know you realize that man and then socialize as much as I wanted to are didn't get what people didn't get the Hangout didn't go and try to hang out with people more often than others or I'm not at that place where I can do that in this you know some of you may can relate to some of it I don't know you may be going through right now okay you know it's darn close to going through it the hardest part about it is learning to keep my head up and really learning to you know really try to stay encouraged cuz it's you know you know since this time you know I've set up there and I'll talk about possibly doing a show like this where I you know I kind of basically suppress my thoughts and feathers and you know basically kind of keeping keeping it 100 on you know how it feels to be a man in position and the things that we also go through and basically put it out there and express it because you know we go through pain we go through mental breakdowns we go to a live man and then you sometimes we don't share these things and most of us right now since then we're broken out and hurt and not being surrounded by the right people in life can't even ruin you more than you already are you know so thought about that got to the point where I've even started thinking about songs that I'm looking at possibly even writing down within these moments because it's my way of expressing how I feel because you know where I'm at right now so you know my biggest thing that is for you guys is to you know keep me in your prayers and bear with me as I go through this stage of you know hurt pain and security to become somebody better and I want to start surrounding myself with people who wants to be around and I wanna start surrounding myself with people who let me in and in day in and day out you know my siblings and the ones you know family some parts of my families that actually called and checked on me even came down hand drive and see me and you know – you guys know that I really appreciate everything you do but for those who gone through the same thing like I said my biggest thing is I want you to stay encouraged and you know really stay up lifted know that you know there's somebody ours I didn't love you because I was walking with you no matter what forgive me if I tear up a little bit but you know I want you to understand I guess you know like I said it's the painful thing to go through and I want to share this with you because the you know I said I wasn't walking right now you know was someone all someone shared my you know yes my contribution to you know keep you encouraged and let you know that it may hurt now but you know eventually it does get better have a you know like I say wherever you had in the world you know good morning and good evening you know whatever the Sun rises and goes down always stay encouraged in having me day

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