Miscarriage story

hey you guys so today is the day I'm going to be sharing with you my miscarriage story I'm gonna give a little bit of a background as to what happened leading up to my miscarriage I will be doing a separate video as far as how I found out and then leading out to my miscarriage but I'm gonna give just a little bit of background as to like my my ultrasounds and stuff and and so on so it's been six weeks it's been a really hard six weeks so I had originally found out that I was having triplets when the video at the end of this video I would post some pictures of mantra sounds so you guys could see but I originally found out that I was having triplets as the week's went on I found out that I was only having twins but the possibility of only just having a singleton was higher because one of my twins wasn't developing the way it should and I almost seemed like my body was reabsorbing the sack you know in that you know I mean it wasn't exactly sure if I was having twins so I knew for a fact I wasn't having three but we a couple weeks before I miscarried the miscarriage happened May 15th but weeks a weeks a couple weeks prior to that I was having bleeding adren bleeding pretty much the whole entire pregnancy when I removed my husband were in two minute I would bleed I was having a lot of cramping going on the Onaga was just terrible what the pregnancy um now the day the mr. day before the miscarriage happened I remember having some brown spotting and I was having a lot of lots of cramps I had took Colin around 9 o'clock I lay down I woke up like for like around 1 o'clock and I took which was like 4 hours later and I took in another dose of Tylenol and I had laid back right back down and when I had woken up to take that tylenol I didn't notice that I was bleeding um it was red I put on a pad but I didn't think anything of it you know because I've had bleeding with the pregnancy before but the cramping was not easing up the way it would when I did take tylenol so about an hour later I had woken up and it was around 2:30 at this time down to 30 and I had woken up and I went to the bathroom and what came out of me I just know this something wasn't right I had a huge blood come out of me and I've had miscarriages before so I knew what was happening um I had this huge blood clot come out and because I've had miscarriages before I just really didn't wonder flush my baby down the toilet I was loving week so I just didn't want that to happen so I stood my bare hand in the toilet and I removed the book hunt that was inside the toilet yeah i sat there good book on it my hands as I examined it to make sure that the baby wasn't there so I didn't want to flush it and they need to see anything so I am flush the toilet I went and washed my hands I had changed my pad and I knew what was happening like I don't know like I just knew it and within about 15 minutes I just felt a whole bunch of blood come out of me and I screamed for my husband um and he was asleep in the living room and I was in the bathroom um in our bedroom so he came to the bedroom bathroom and saw there was blood and help me clean get cleaned up and told him that I need to go to the emergency room I was in a lot of pain and you know the amount of blood I laid in front of the door the doorway of the bathroom as he got the kids ready and stuff and loaded him up in the car he helped me walk to to the to the car he wanted to pick me up but I just told him no that I was gonna walk there and around 3:30 we get to base get to the hospital we check in they went ahead and took blood work within an hour I had already gotten blood work done and I already put in a non ultrasound order and I was on my way to the ultrasound room and they had actually like one day took my blood that guy's like hey so um what are you here for and I told him I am I'm having I'm pregnant I'm having cramps and he said oh so where's your cramps coming from like my uterus like hell you mean where my camels coming from like I have abdominal cramps like it's coming from my uterus I am pregnant so he was like okay and I guess he didn't know what else to say because that was just a stupid ask question to say but in the ultrasound room they had given me an a cup before I went into the ultrasound room to a urine Cup they need me they do urine specimen because I was bleeding so heavy I was scared to use the bathroom so when indie ultrasound room the lady came in and told me to undress from the waist down and I had a really hard time walking I went ahead and tried to pee in this Cup a little bit but I was really really scared to tell in the toilet because I knew what was happening I knew that I was miscarrying you know that one baby come out at me and to fart the toilet so I beaten the cup you know a little bit that I could and it was bright red and I then went and lay it on the table where the bed where she had you know had kind the ultrasound stuff ready and she took the wand stuff she did an abdominal first and couldn't see anything and then she did a transvaginal and during the trans vaginal exam the ultrasound I felt like I peed myself like I felt like I just felt a whole bunch of fluid a whole bunch of blood come out of me and I was laying there sobbing and crying I just knew and she um she took the wand out and called for help because it was just too much blood there was a foot all over the the bag there was blood all over the floor they came and they took like a pad like the the pads you would like those off those doggie pads that they put on the bed they put one of those between my legs and then put some on the bed and had me sit down from there they took me to my room I didn't even have like an IV pudding and I haven't gotten any medicine or anything doctor said because of the amount of blood I hadn't left like even a trail of blood going back to the ER room and I laid there my kids were there my husband was there they took the kids out because a my husband because they were about to you know check me and during the exam which felt like an eternity like it felt like he was down there for a very very long time during that exam you know the doctor found the baby in my vaginal canal they baby's not a good seder he continued to swab and stuff because there was just a lot of clotting and a lot of because it was sensor and all that and he ordered dump to start an IV he ordered them to give me morphine because I was in a lot a lot of pain I was screaming because it was hurting so bad and then the nurse came in and they started everything gave me medicine right before they gave me the medicine they allowed me to hold the container and I was holding the container which I had the baby in it the baby was so tiny it was about this big it was about maybe about 3 inches long and I had arms and legs and you can see the baby's feet the toes the eyes the mouth the nose the spinal cord just tell me you can just see everything and they had my husband come back and he was there with me and he held the container stuff and then they gave me a dose of morphine in I started feeling really groggy and stuff and they haven't you own the container they allowed me to hold a container for about 30 minutes before they took it off for genetic testing and all that and then they called they were gonna send me home they were gonna give me some cybertek pills which would help my uterus contract and help the bleeding and call me explaining and else that I had in there not because my vitals were not stable my blood pressure was dropping um and I started getting a fever they weren't they weren't comfortable with me going home so they told me that I was gonna stay in the hospital overnight just for observation and then they would send me home in the morning sauce that cool foam the doctor that was the OB dr. so though he came back about after they they kept drawing my blood um about every hour they would draw my blood just to see my my I guess my red blood cells to see if they were going down my hemoglobin and they were going down like every hour they will go down so he reviewed by ultrasound he I had with him from phone five the baby had came out around five twenty five thirty and then by then it was a had it been like around ten ten in the morning and by then I have any guy in line for vaginal exam so the doctor told me that they reviewed mantra sound they wasn't every room ultrasounds and then that the risk of me having to have surgery were very low because you know this stuff like this happens all the time well he told me that he'll be back well less than like 20-30 minutes later I had and he's an anesthesiologist come in and she had these paperwork and she told me that I was going to the oil room that I was going to go have surgery because they found bleeding in my abdomen at that point I didn't know what to think I was just like so out of it I was just like oh my god like I'm gonna end up dying I'm losing a hole all this blood like I was scared um they wheeled me out and then took me upstairs they in the hole the holding area I had another innocent geologist who was so rude to me who asked me if this was why I was here for when I told him how to miscarriage and he told me oh is this your first and I told him knows my it was my sixth it was gonna be my sixth baby and he told me this is a good thing look at it as a good thing because you'd have too many kids don't have to have another kid like my pregnancy was planned or something which wasn't I ended up I got pregnant on birth control and Here I am mascara my baby and telling me that this is a good thing like that's the last thing that you should be telling someone who done lost a baby regardless of how they lost it like you shouldn't be telling someone that you know in the nurse had to step in and tell him hey you don't talk to her like that and get away from her and stuff so um anyways so last thing I remember was him talking to me and then I remember seeing like a syringe and I was out of it I wake up in the recovery room and there was this really nice nurse it was a male nurse and all of the number ones he had a chain a gold chain and all this gold chain um he had like some religious type thing I think he might have been either Christian or Catholic but um and he had on a pink pink scrubs and he was very nicely chromed and stuff and he was just like the sweetest nurse ever and I kept telling him how to pee and I told him to like turn on the faucet because I really had to go really bad and I just couldn't go like they had brought like a bed pail thing like what a fight underneath you're not just gonna go and anyways that I was in there for I don't even know how long and then they rolled me up to where I was gonna be my room for the night and I told the nurse that I need to go use the bathroom I gotten up I remember getting some medicine in the holding area like after their recovery room and then when I was upstairs she was gonna help me to go use the bathroom then change like my pad and all that I went and peed like they had like they were measuring my earring so I paid but um afterwards I just felt really really weak I was walking towards the door I'm walking towards the door I'm walking because my room was like a – bad like a two-bedroom it had two beds and I had walked past the first bed back the first bed to get to my bed but there was no one there so my kids were sitting down and my husband was there and I'm her just walking with the nurse – like the first bed and then I looked at where the bed was my bed and I was like oh my god there's just no way I could walk over there so my husband I remember my husband come in to help me and the next thing I know I wake up in the bed and I had a bag of blood and fluids and some other stuff connected to me um and I had I was surrounded but all these doctors and and all these nurses and they were doing a ultrasound over my stomach to make sure that everything looked good and they kept trying to wake me up I kept dozing off they kept waking me up so they went ahead and transferred me through the ICU my nurse there was very nice it was this black lady and she was just the sweetest nurse she turned out so I have also miscarried who she had a stillborn and you know me and her was able to relate and someone and she knew what I was feeling and explained to me what I was feeling was normal and so why did I had to have emergency surgery I had to have an emergency DC was because my uterus does not contract it I don't know exactly what happened but it was not contracting um and if they did it wasn't contracting enough for me to stop the bleeding so that's the reason why I had to have DNC the laparoscopic surgery came from they thought that I had an ectopic pregnancy they aren't exactly sure what caused the bleeding inside that I had but I lost two liters of blood and my himegami my hemoglobin level was extremely extremely low so I had to have a blood transfusion and the ICU I was not allowed to eat for 24 hours which was hard I was starving like when I tell you I was hungry I was hungry I was giving like some electrolyte fluid stuff that would help like balance out my body or whatever um I was also giving some like anti-clotting medicine to help my blood clot or to help prevent blood clots from up in my legs and stuff I was also on the I was giving like two bags of blood transfusion the blood transfusion I'm gonna tell you right now if you ever had one it hurts like hell like it's super thick even though they do like watered down with um the solution stuff it hurts like I had to keep my hand street it was like a propped up on a pillow and they were not allowed to take any blood or give any medicine through the IV so I had two IV sites I had one on my left arm where the blood transfusion ones and one of my right arm where they really given me medicine through the IV and stuff I did have to have like an antihistamine like benadryl whatever through the IV because my body reacted to the blood transfusion causing me to break out in hives um and then afterwards though I wasn't really bleeding I was like bleeding just a little bit whenever I did go pee but as far as like wiping it was just like a light period and I continue to have spotting for about 10 10 days other than that I mean I didn't really have much bleeding um where I had an issue what the hospital was where my gynecologist one of the gynecologists who was treating me kept referring my baby as tissue which I had an extremely issue with I did have my baby cremated even though I was 11 weeks the army did pay for the baby to get cremated um I had a chaplain come in and talk to me and I signed off all the paperwork and the doctor who made those comments before I went into surgery was investigated not exactly sure what happened I'm not sure if you got fired got suspended or or what I left the hospital about two days later and then I had had a contact funeral home and stuff and I had picked up my baby's remains on May 21st other than that it's just been a very very like roller coaster like some days I'm fine some days I started thinking about it like I think about the what if like I would have done something differently if I thought better care of myself what I have kids in the future I don't know um my husband and I haven't really discussed you know the future about us having kids anymore kids me myself if once the youngest one number five once he's out of diapers I don't want any more kids because it's like having to start all over um but it's just it's very hard it's very hard regardless of how far along you are if you lost a baby it is not easy it doesn't matter five six seven nine weeks fifteen twenty three forty or even later on you're still grieving a loss and if you have lost a baby I am truly truly sorry and this is my fourth loss um my farthest one I was 21 weeks pregnant and it's never easy doesn't get any easier um my other two longs between the 21 week and now I did not have a grieving time um I just if I felt so numb like I just couldn't cry about it for whatever reason I just couldn't and this one it was just it was unplanned I have don't have any family here because I am a army wife so family lives far from here so yeah I mean it takes it takes time NER in six weeks and I'm still grieving I'm grieving really bad but it takes time it takes time to heal so if you guys want to hear about how I found out I was pregnant stick around please subscribe to my my youtube channel and I will be posting up more videos as of right now I'm still trying to post up at least one video a week and if not at least two um but yeah I hope you guys not necessarily enjoyed but I hope you guys found some information on this video if you guys have any any questions please don't be afraid of comment again if you have experience and a loss I'm truly sorry and I hope nothing but blessing see you guys [Applause] [Applause]

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