hey guys Metro and so this is not the kind of video that I wanted to have to upload yeah you'll see once we get into the video I really kind of just want to get this video out of the way and done I didn't really want to be coming back on this channel with this kind of video I had a video scheduled and July pregnancy announcement but things have decided to go a different way for us and I'm just gonna share my story I feel like it's gonna help me get past this if I talk about it I feel like every person I've talked to about it so far it does help me explain that more in be there with that like crying I guess so 19th of May I found out that I was pregnant I had a very very faint line when a pregnancy test because I took it at the end of the day so I ended up waiting two more days to test again and the line was more positive so I couldn't officially say that I was pregnant I made a video the one that was scheduled of me taking the test and like reacting to it and everything so it's really hard to look back on at the moment so yes the video that I made was just about me taking the test and everything and I've taken it down from being scheduled to private I don't think I'll delete it I'll just keep it private for now because it's a memory that I can look back on and yeah so everything has been amazed like it was amazing I had no morning sickness I just felt really tired and like saw boots like so bad and on Monday the 11th we had our first scam so we could see what due date would be and all that kind of stuff so I was six weeks and four days and it was so tiny it was the cute as we think of it and we're really excited about it um this Friday says it was almost two weeks since our skin I'm gonna be two weeks tomorrow since our first skin and I woke up this morning on Friday morning getting ready for work just the usual and um I had a little bit of it's hard to say spotting because you think spotting is like little spots but there's a wee bit of blood there I was really light if I can insert a photo I will here so if you don't want to see that skip ahead like 20 seconds there will be some tear my photos in here so just warning now if I remember to insert a photo I will but that's what it looked like it was light I didn't really worry about it so I had a little bit of spotting and bleeding with Sadie around around the same week I think I can't really remember but anyway I got to work and went to the toilet again and I had a little like it was probably like this big in length maybe I don't even know like a small clot and I was kind it's when I started to kind of get a little bit anxious I guess so I messaged my midwife and then she asked me to ring her and she just said to keep an eye on the bleeding and that she would put through to get an urgent skin and that she didn't think that I would get in until Monday so I was kind of like I'm not gonna like freak myself out of freaked myself out about it just because I didn't want the day to drag and all that but I ended up getting a phone call from someplace and they had an appointment for me at 3:45 that day so I had my sister come with me I was going to go alone but something just told me to have someone with me which I am glad I did because I don't think I'd be able to leave the hospital by myself sir we went and lady was so nice I was I felt okay like I was optimistic about everything since my bleeding had stopped around 12:00 or 1:00 I was kind of like okay it must be like I felt like I might be all good baby's all good but she done a bit of a tummy scan for about a minute and then she needed to do the transvaginal just because I got a bit of tub here so that's quite hard to see with just a tummy skin until we get a bit bigger so we've done the transvaginal and it was a lot clearer and she looked around for about I would say 3 minutes and then yeah she broke the news to us that baby didn't have a heartbeat and it looks like baby didn't grow from our first option on Monday the Monday the 11th so baby are still measuring around six weeks four days which was really sad because and their ultrasound when we first went to she's seen the happy than everything so it's obviously happen not long after their which it's what gets me because I've seen the baby and the baby's happy and it's just really devastating okay what I want yeah can you hope so that's an it it's now Sunday so we'll this happened on Friday so on so they we just got out cuz we were supposed to go and tell my parents that we're expecting on Saturday don't please Sadie and instead on Friday I let them know that we're expecting but baby had no heartbeat so yeah it's a bit second pop down place hop down place what did mommy say I said you have to be quiet because mommy's trying to talk so on so they we just done like we family day we went to a butterfly house and played it the we discovery world there and save you loved it was good to get out and just not have it on my mind you know with my dad and my stepmom and it was awesome auntie Dana and auntie Gina that's right yeah and then we got home and static cramping light not a lot but enough and the bleeding started again and I was like right it's obviously stabbing which I was kind of think before that it was starting because I didn't want it to hop down please you've got no nappy on hurry up yeah kind of thankful that it doesn't take long to stop because I don't want it to you know run its course over however long and I also didn't want to have a DNC surgery so thankful that it happened as fast as it did I guess so around 5:00 p.m. and the evening I checked and I had passed it was like this little bubble about the size of a blueberry it was obviously the sick of the way embryo inside this is where I'm going to answer the photo of the we sick so if you don't want to see just skip a Hebe 20 seconds again but yeah it was just a little sick clear it wasn't like all clear so you can't see right through but there's a little sac about sides of it blueberries so it was really really tiny but I feel like I passed it really really fast I feel like since we got out and moved around it and helped keep things going and I took it quite well seeing it and like having a pass through naturally like I kind of felt at peace that it happened just fast I don't know excuse me if I'm like getting all fully trained it's just I'm just trying to remember everything really perfectly means your undies oh I'll go get some new ones hey Linda they're in your bedroom go for love and you draw the joys of toilet training a three-year-old um but yeah so we wrapped it up in some tissue and dug away hole outside and put it in the backyard so it was bittersweet still pretty sad there we don't get to meet it in there so do is gonna be a big sister I mean she's still kind of as a big sister of it yeah so today Sunday I'm cramping a lot and it's pretty sore and I need to take some paracetamol and I think just lay down and what something it's not that fun it's kind of just like he'd be period if you're a girl and you know what they like the cramps are just a bit more extreme than period cramps so just trying to relax I took two now for because I knew it'd just be really sluggish and if I'm cramping like this wouldn't be very fun to be at work so I'm gonna try and go to work tomorrow I'll help you in a minute mom he's almost finished okay okay no don't help on the beat though right don't watch your TV and I'll be out in a minute okay yeah I think I made quite okay we'll sit Dan yeah okay you know I'm gonna try go to work tomorrow and just hopefully I can get the day yeah so do Sadie Sadie I'll pop the pop-up up I asked you to be quiet please go and sit down yeah but I'm gonna in this video here because everyone just wants to me apart from this little guy here I'll leave my answer down below if you want to follow I'll be making another few videos and the next month or so a couple of weeks I don't know just depends how I feel about where we're gonna go from here and you know what we're gonna do so I'll leave Matt's room down below and if you want you can go follow and keep up to date when I'm going to post videos and upload stop please and I will see you win thanks for watching and I'll see


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