My Miscarriage Story (GRAPHIC MATERIAL)

hi guys my name is Amber and I am going to do a video about my miscarriage a couple of months ago I started watching these videos and it really helped me out with getting through the emotions of my miscarriage and it made me feel so much less alone in my feelings I had a miscarriage in May of 2012 my boyfriend and I have started dating in February of 2012 and unfortunately we got pregnant pretty quick after that I think I found out in training I probably found out like end of March early April and when I had my miscarriage in May I was 12 weeks along um I wrote everything down on a notebook and so that I don't forget anything because there is a lot to it when I got pregnant um I kind of was resentful towards Philip I kind of I wouldn't say I blamed him but he was definitely a part of me getting pregnant and that wasn't you know how either of us were raised you know both of us were raised no sex until you're married so it was really just disappointing on both of our ends that it happened the way it did like I said I was 12 weeks along when had my miscarriage in the very beginning of May we we as an me and my aunt drove to Galveston for my cousin's wedding we stopped in Fort Worth for a bathroom break no we stopped in some city in Texas for a bathroom break and I noticed that when I wiped I saw some blood and I come out of the bathroom and you know I feel like I kind of knew what that meant and I was really freaking out and my aunt was like you know don't freak out it's okay like you know it happens but especially early on in your pregnancy blah blah blah so she kind of trip me up and then we went ahead and went to Galveston my mom was meeting us in Galveston so I was able to talk to her there and let her know what was going on and again she was really encouraging and was like you know don't let it freak you out it happens so we end up going through our whole um vacation I didn't tell really anybody there family wise about what was going on because I didn't want to freak anyone out and it was my cousin's wedding and so I didn't want you know the attention to be shifted from her to me so I kind of kept it to myself um I called my doctor I hadn't had my first appointment yet I was supposed to go almost directly after my vacation and my doctor told me like don't freak out because it happens it's like everyone else is saying so I continue to bleed only like a tiny bit throughout the whole vacation and on the way home is when stuff really started happening I was cramping really bad on the way home unfortunately my aunt had to drive most of the way back to Kansas because I was hurting so bad and I told Phillip my boyfriend what was going on and he met me at my house late the night that we got home and I was thinking about going the hospital but we chose not to that night the next morning I went ahead and took Phillip to school and told him that I could just go to hospital alone no big deal that was the worst mistake of my life so I go to the ER and I got any really quick I was really surprised and the first thing they did was like a pelvic exam I think is what they call it were pretty much the doctor who got all up in my business and he said that my cervix I believe he said my cervix was closed so if I was going to a miscarriage it wasn't happening right then and they got some blood work from me and then sent me to get either an ultrasound or a sonogram I can't remember I'm pretty sure it's a sonogram though or an ultrasound I don't know but um obviously they were looking for a heartbeat and they used to like steak and women vaginally and she looked around for quite a while and I've never done anything like that before so I didn't really know what she was looking at I was kind of curious like why I wasn't seeing anything on the one and obviously there was no heartbeat but she wouldn't tell me anything for while we were in there I had to wait to talk to the doctor so they wheeled me back to my room and the doctor came in and let me know that I was having a miscarriage after the doctor told me I was having a miscarriage he left the room and that's when I texted my mom told her that I was having a miscarriage day with my boyfriend I said in that room alone for a pretty good amount of time and that was the most alone I've ever felt I was bringing for him to give me my prescription for my pain meds and they told me that I was just gonna go ahead and pass it naturally they didn't even give me the option of a Dean C even though I was 12 weeks along so I get in my car and that's when I kind of lose it and sent my client cry for quite a while and then I went home nothing had really happened yet besides the bleeding and a little bit of creeping like I hadn't passed anything but in it I hadn't for a while I had no idea what happens during a miscarriage I thought you just bled and then I was pretty painful like period cramps so I go home I let my boss you know what was going on and of course she didn't expect me to go to work and I end up staying in bed that full day and I thought that was it the next day I can't remember um I believe that I called in from work and just kind of laid chilled out late in bed all day but nothing was really happening like you know I was feeling big crampy and I was bleeding a lot but that was about it and like I said I thought that was all that miscarriage was the next day I go ahead and try to go to work I thought that my name is Karen is over you know I bled I had cramps I thought that was it I had no idea what was coming I go ahead and try to go to work ended up being quite a bit of pain so I went home later on in the day I thought I was feeling better and Philip invited me to go to a movie with him and his friend I was really missing my boyfriend so I figured I could probably swing it halfway through the movie the pain got absolutely unbearable so I went ahead and went home and I had like bled through my jeans and everything was awful um so I stayed in bed for the rest of the day the next day I'm sorry that night like probably midnight um I woke up and I had awful awful awful cramps and so I called my mom and I'm like mom I might have to go to the emergency room I'm in so much pain and she was like okay if you need to just give me a call back and we'll go ahead and go and so I get up to start cleaning everything up because I had blood everywhere and while I was in the bathroom getting cleaned up I was getting these like crazy cramps and like an overwhelming urge to push I feel like that's probably a lot like um what having having a baby is like so I did and I didn't really know what my body was doing until I was sitting on the toilet and I had dropped like a pretty big piece of tissue and then I kind of you know realized like I'm going to be passing everything that my body just worked to create and it was so painful so I passed a few pieces of tissue and then I feel like I'm going to vomit so I ended up standing in my bathtub with things like falling out of me pouring out blood and puking like bending over and puking into the toilet after I was done puking I went ahead and just like ran some water in the bathtub to try to clean everything up and I just laid there for like an hour like passing tissue and bleeding and again I felt very alone like I had no idea any of that was gonna happen I was trying to like hold my screams from pain because my roommate was in the next room and I didn't want to bother her so I just stopped there and did all that alone after I had passed everything I had kind of stopped bleeding I went ahead and went back to bed but came to see me the next day I could kind of feel my resentment growing for him because he had no idea what I had been through I don't even know if I told him and it didn't feel like he was hurting the way I was hurting you know like mentally like I I don't know I just didn't feel like he was hurting as bad as I was and that hurt like again I felt like I was alone in this pain a couple of week weeks went by or I went to work pretty quick after all of that I I may be called in like another day and then went ahead and we went back um my doctor had me come in and keep getting my blood drawn so they can make sure that like my levels have gone down correctly and that I didn't have any kind of infection from my miscarriage um I think I went once and then I just didn't go back again of course I felt like this miscarriage was totally my fault but my doctors reassured me that I couldn't have done anything to change it after that I didn't really talk about it a whole lot you know I would have my random days where I was sad about it you know and I had a co-worker that I'd gotten pregnant two weeks before I did so I had to watch her grow in her pregnancy and I do watch her have her baby knowing that you know I should have been having my baby around that time and that was hard to watch but you know I never really knew how to grieve I felt like I was very alone in my feelings and I was just mad a couple months ago I was on YouTube and I came across a a miscarriage story and she kind of just explained everything she went through and it was a lot like my story and her husband in this video kind of acted the same way Philip did like she was constantly like why aren't you more sad about this like why aren't you crying with me and she realized that they didn't grieve the same way you know and like that hit me like obviously me and Philip don't grieve the same way you know and it made me feel so much better with Philip in my relationship and and about my miscarriage like I didn't feel so alone once I watched that video and I actually ended up watching quite a few just to see like what their experiences like um so that was my miscarriage um if you have any questions I probably didn't cover everything feel free to ask and I will definitely reply thank you for watching you

36 Replies to “My Miscarriage Story (GRAPHIC MATERIAL)”

  1. Wait .. you were both raised to be abstinent, then got disappointed when you went against that & conceived? I don’t understand the anger part. You both made the choice to have sex, no one forced you so why be surprised or mad at him when a baby is made? That makes NO sense. Unless you were raped, which you clearly weren’t. I’m NOT trying to be rude, I’m genuinely confused.

    I’m sorry you had to experience this though 😔❤️

  2. I lost mine at 7 weeks it hurt so bad my husband was their but i felt alone lots of pain i fall to sleep wake up go to the rest roon take what it was to hospital they said i had to have a dec

  3. Hello so I know this video was made a long time ago but I really love your personality you should def upload more and I just wanted to say that I understand you and that it's a very sad thing to go through my baby girl passed away when I was 6months and 2weeks and it was sooo heartbreaking so I understand how you feel. I also wanted to say that you're so beautiful and God bless you ❤️

  4. Thank you so much for sharing. I started bleeding like a period on Monday but thought it was getting lighter then last night I started having severe cramping and ended up passing most of it I think. I was so scared and wasn't sure if I should call 911. I appreciate your graphic details because now I know it is normal.

  5. they are right about bleeding. I had bleeding with clots an horrible cramps, an I now have a healthy baby boy an am pregnant again

  6. Sweetheart! I just wanted to reach out and hug you tight! I just came across your video by chance. I myself have had 3 miscarriages( one late at 22 weeks and 2 at 8 weeks) and I know what you went through was so hard and painful! But you sound like such a strong woman to go that alone! I just wish you didn't have to. I have 4 beautiful kids now. I wish you all the luck in the world for your future xx

  7. thank you for your video..I lost my baby last week at 8 weeks (March 1st) ..I had been spotting for a week and my doctor refused to see me. I felt stranded, my mom had decided not to speak to me and asked me to to talk to her so I felt so lonely. I feel like it didn't bother my husband even though he was excited to be a dad. I had no idea getting pregnant and keeping a baby inside was so hard. Thanks again ..I hope you can post more video

  8. Hi Amber, thank you for posting this. I started to have a miscarriage this morning and I'm really scared and don't know what to expect on top of the emotions. I appreciate you giving so much detail and sharing your thoughts. I'm a Christian as well, I'm trying to trust God through this.

  9. what kind of bf did you have to leave you to deal with that stuff by yourself? I'd rush over there as soon as I heard you were in pain or felt alone if I were him

  10. I was told I would never have a baby, from 14 years old I was told by 3 doctors it was not in my cards. I had several mis carriages and at different stages of pregnancy. My last miscarriage really devistated me, I was so depressed why can't I do the one thing I'm supposed to do? I was mad, heartbroken, I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I have a boy 3 and a girl1. God does amazing things.

  11. my heart goes out to you. l was told i will miscarriage soon the mid wife told me…i need support im scared

  12. That was very informative and encouraging…thank you for sharing your experience…well done

  13. Sorry for your lost but thanks for sharing this video, you are brave. Hope your video help someone who is going through grief.

  14. watching this made me quite angry, i cannot understand how a hospital can send a young girl home to go through a miscarriage alone, especially one relatively late at 12 weeks because the fetus is formed enough to be recognisable when passed,, this is a frightening and horrible experience for anyone! i am so sorry for your loss and can only say that i`m sure you will one day be blessed with another child, but will always have the memory of your first one……..i would also like to say that it`s something we have to understand when men do not react how we think they should at times like this, they do not go through the same emotions or the hormonal changes or carry this child, this is unique to women and i think that despite the sadness of many men at losing their unborn children, only women can really understand the grief which comes with this loss of a pregnancy

  15. Alone and mad are the perfect way to describe how it feels after a miscarriage. Thank you for sharing your personal story. I hope some day I have the strength to share mine.

  16. You're so brave and awesome. Thank you for telling your story, at 17 I went through a very similar experience, and I had no idea I was pregnant until it was happening. I was so alone and it changed me forever. Im so inspired by your strength and honesty😌

  17. I just went through a miscarriage on July 19th. My current boyfriend and I got together on July 17, I was already bleeding when we started dating and when we reconnected (we knew each other in high school). It was very difficult for me to get over it seeing as my boyfriend doesn't like when I verbalize my emotions about it because he thinks I'm just going to end up upsetting myself, so I typically keep it all in.

    I remember how awful I felt.. Because July 19th was 4 years since his bestfriend was shot and killed and then I miscarried a child he considered his own. I was only 8 weeks when I miscarried. The worst part, is that instead of people reassuring me that it wasn't my fault all they said was that it was my fault. All because I was smoking cigarettes BEFORE I found out I was pregnant. My roommate was the first to accuse me of killing my own child… I moved out and we went our separate ways, then we talked things out. Now both me and Sid and her and her boyfriend are living together… And she's expecting a girl… She supposedly conceived in July… The same month I miscarried.. And I don't know I have this immense resentment for her for that. When I was pregnant she wanted to be babied and told me that being pregnant wasn't that difficult and she'd kill to be in my position and that I should do this or that while I was pregnant. But now, she yells at her boyfriend if he doesn't get up to make her food, she hasn't done shit for herself since we moved in. I feel extremely betrayed.

  18. I just want to start off by saying i'm so sorry about your miscarriage, the same thing happened to me. I've felt all alone until I watched your video. I found out that I was pregnant August 18 of this year an I miscarried around almost 7 weeks. Of course it was my first pregnancy an I was all excited about having a baby something that I could call mine an that would always be there when no one wasn't. When I found out I was having a miscarriage I blamed it on myself cause I was smoking cigarettes constantly an I was nervous about my pregnancy like every little thing scared me I was so worried about every little thing. Always staying stressed out. I did not believe that this was happening to me. What always ran thru my head was that me an my boyfriend tried so hard an I finally got blessed. I kept praying asking myself why would Jesus send me an angel than take it away? That constantly ran thru my head I prayed everyday that it would be a misunderstanding. But everything changed on the day I was supposed to have my surgery that I did not want at all, my body started doing it on its own. That was my biggest fear I wanted this baby more than ive ever wanted anything. I stopped everything when I found out that I was pregnant smoking cigarettes, caffeine. I just wanted a healthy baby, but it seemed Jesus had other plans. I know how you feel an i'm so glad that you made this video it has inspired me an I definitely dont feel alone or feel like it was my fault. Sorry for this long paragraph! !😣

  19. I lost my first baby too. Almost 9 months later, it still hurts. Going to film a video like this soon. I praise God that I am pregnant again! I have an angel baby who is in the arms of Christ and another baby who is in my tummy. I am so blessed!

  20. After  totallyI gave birth to  my first son  that night I almost bled to death after labour passingblot clots al overhospital wals and floor and my bitchy romate didn't hep me next day it happened to her it reminds me me of your bleeding

  21. I am so unbelievably sorry you had to go thro that alone .. my husband and I lost our baby at 6 weeks and I've never been through such an awful thing.. I hope you are dealing with it ok now xo

  22. Thanks for sharing. It really is comforting knowing I'm not alone. Here is my story:

  23. Amber, This video came on automatically after I watched another one from a subscription. I don't normally watch videos on this subject.  I am at least a couple of decades older than you but I just have to say you really are amazing the way you speak and express yourself so honestly and truly.  I'm so sorry for your loss those years ago, I had a miscarriage many years ago also.  You handled it so bravely, I can't imagine going through that in a bathroom alone. You are a such a strong woman and your family and future children are / will be lucky to have you. 🙂 keep making videos

  24. I am so sorry. I had a miscarriage almost 12 years ago, but I remember the heartache like yesterday. My body never miscarried naturally, so I had to get a D and C. I am sorry you were so alone😓. My husband was pretty distant from it all too, he just couldn't relate. My daughter was 1 at the time, so we were busy with her. I am sure your experience will help someone out there, so Thank You for sharing it. My pregnancy after the miscarriage resulted in my very spirited almost 11 year old daughter!! I would never have wanted to miss the chance of meeting her. I hope you get that joy too💖

  25. I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I am shocked that the doctor did not allow you to have a D&C or even just be more informative on what you should expect through the miscarriage process, especially since you were nearing the end of your first trimester.
    I have had 2 miscarriages now, 05/04/14 and 02/24/15 and although I was not as far along as you, they were excruciatingly painful. I've had to watch all my friends get pregnant before me and progress with no issues, it is the hardest thing to watch.
    I really wish you best of luck in the future, you will be a great mom one day😊

  26. Congrats on your rainbow baby. That is so exciting! 🙂 
    I agree, the grieving continues and only gets easier to cope with as time goes on. 
    So sorry for your miscarriage experience. 
    Thanks for the comment. 🙂

  27. im so sorry you had to pretty much go through this alone. i had a miscarriage this past Thanksgiving at 4w6d. i feel as if it were my fault because i kept saying things like if i didnt want that baby. but here i am, at 18 weeks with my rainbow baby. i know this happened years ago but not matter how long its been, a mother will never stop grieving for the child that she once held in her womb, no matter how far along she was. im so sorry for you loss.

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