My Postpartum Depression Story – Emotional Trigger Warning

hey guys! Shawn here. I’m sitting in my
bedroom to film this. Baby girl is taking a nap. In today’s video I will be sharing
my story of my struggle with postpartum depression. My hope is that if you are
currently struggling with postpartum depression then you will realize that
you are not alone and that there is hope on the other side of this struggle.
And that you can make it through it. So I hope that my story inspires you. If this
is the first time you are here, I post new content every Tuesday on faith and
motherhood and this is the first of a three-part series. If I have already
filmed the other two than they will be linked in the description box below. If
not, then stay tuned. Hit that subscribe button while you are here. Let’s jump
into today’s video. All right so how did I know that I was
depressed and what were my symptoms? I am just going to Google. We’re gonna read
through the symptoms and then I’m gonna tell you what symptoms I had with
my postpartum depression with my first child. He’s now 10 years old so this was
a while back that I first struggled with postpartum depression. On the Google it
says “postpartum depression people may experience mood anger.” Yes I had anger.
anxiety. yes I had anxiety. guilt. yes I had guilt. I couldn’t spend that I wasn’t
feeling well enough to spend as much quality time with my baby. I felt guilty-
oh good grief- I felt guilty about a lot of stuff. I felt guilty that I wanted breaks
from my baby. I felt guilty that I couldn’t spend as much time with my
husband that I wanted too. I had a lot of guilt yes. hopelessness. no I didn’t have
hopelessness. loss of interest or pleasure in activities. yes. so I’ve
always been into yoga and I lost an interest in doing yoga. I lost interest
in walking. I love to walk and I love to hike- basically yeah I lost some interest
in things I normally enjoy dinging. mood swings.
yes mood swings but I feel like mood swings -you guys -I feel like mood swings
are just -you know -a hormonal thing after pregnancy anyways and throughout a
woman’s life. yes? panic attacks. no I did not experience any panic attacks.
crying, irritability, or restlessness. yes I cried a lot but I feel like that also
comes with just giving birth as well that your hormones are fluctuating and
so yeah I cried a lot but I also wasn’t just crying because of hormones I feel
like I was crying because I was sad. irritability. yeah I was irritable.
restlessness. I don’t know that I was Restless. fear or
repeatedly going over thoughts. yes I was repeatedly going over my thoughts. I’d
think something and think it again and second-guess myself. That kind of thing.
fear. fear. Was I scared of anything?Did I have a fear? I
don’t think I was fearful about anything. fatigue or loss of appetite. yes I was
exhausted but at first- you know- I thought that was just regular exhaustion
from caring for a newborn. You know when you struggle to get out of bed and you
just lay on the couch all day? even with your baby? loss of appetite. I don’t
remember having a loss of appetite. lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts. um
I didn’t have unwanted thoughts. I just knew that I did not feel like myself. lack of
concentration. I felt like that comes with caring for- a normal symptom of caring for-
our baby and being sleep-deprived so I know I had that one. weight gain or
weight loss is another symptom. um I mean I feel like I had your regular amount of
weight loss. I certainly lost the weight quicker with my first child so I didn’t
experience any weight gain. and then also common, it says is, insomnia is the last symptom. I
didn’t have insomnia. I’m pretty sure I didn’t because I was trying to catch up
on a lot of sleep. How did I know I was depressed? You guys, it took me eight
months to actually admit that I was depressed and that was after my husband
kind of told me that I was not acting myself and was sad. And then I went to my
regular doctor for check-ups and just told her -you know -hey I don’t quite feel
like myself. I’m sad. I sleep a lot. She asked me- you know- all these
questions to do with the symptoms that we just went over. She asked me questions
about those kind of things. You know was I doing things that I enjoyed?
no I wasn’t doing things I enjoyed. I just felt like I was on call all the
time with a baby and if I was doing anything that was remotely interesting
to myself then I felt extreme guilt over not spending that time with my baby or my
husband. I also had this desire to not get out of the house
so I didn’t hang out with friends. I didn’t want to make new friends. I pretty
much spent those first eight months confined in the house. I did occasionally
see one friend. I can’t remember if that was before or after treatment. I never
experienced a desire to hurt myself or hurt my baby.
But I know that that sometimes can be a symptom of postpartum depression so if
you are experiencing that -because of course throughout this whole video I am
NOT a healthcare professional. I’m just a mom telling you my experience with
postpartum depression. so if you are experiencing any of these symptoms
please please please tell somebody and go see your family doctor. Being
depressed I felt lonely. I felt stressed. It’s hard having a new
baby and so I felt everything was on me even though my husband was there to help.
Everything came down to me. Like I was so responsible for this human being- you
know? keeping this baby alive is a lot of pressure you know? and we were living out
in the country and so I didn’t have any friends that weren’t 45 minutes away. My
closest friend was 45 minutes away. You know I didn’t feel like I could talk
at that time with my husband because he was pastoring a church. When my son was first born I
worked for six to eight months so I was still working but I was working part
time so I was seeing other people but I think between the stress of the job and
the stress of having a newborn and trying to balance everything I think
that all contributed to the postpartum depression. That’s my experience. If you
are dealing with postpartum depression I feel for you. You aren’t alone.
Many many many women experience this and it’s not the end of the world. It’s not
something to be ashamed of so certainly seek help if you need it. So how did I
overcome this postpartum depression? well that’s gonna be in the next video. yes
I’m gonna make you wait till next week so make sure to come back next week for
my story about how I overcame depression. and then the week after that the third
video will be “Am I Depressed Now?” after having baby girl. Am I
depressed? stay tuned for that. thanks so much for watching today’s video. don’t
forget to subscribe and I will see you next Tuesday.
thanks for watching bye!

5 Replies to “My Postpartum Depression Story – Emotional Trigger Warning”

  1. Depression especially ppd is definitely not talked about enough i feel like so I did enjoy hearing your story.. it’s always inspiring to know we are not alone when it comes to dealing with things like depression.. new supporter. I love being able to connect with new Mama friends especially here on YouTube!

  2. thank you so much for sharing this sis!!!! it takes a lot of courage to be this transparent and i really appreciate it 🙂

  3. Thank you so much for sharing!!! New supporter! I like how you explained that you don’t have to have all of the symptoms to have something! Looking forward to how you overcame in your next Video!! I also thought it was cool that I have a 10 yr old Son and a 1yr old daughter not sure how old your baby girl is 💖

  4. This is such an important topic! So many moms experience this and feel SO guilty for it!! This is why it’s so important to talk about these things so moms don’t feel alone or like a horrible mother for experiencing it!

  5. Thank you for sharing this sister. This is something that needs more awareness. God Blessed you sister.

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