Our Miscarriage Story

hey everyone its Lisa bills in the room he's sitting across from me but probably not going to be in the video just in case I don't want to make this a long video I don't really want to talk about everything letting fear not on my Facebook or Instagram then you wouldn't know that yesterday we went for our 10-week appointment where we were getting an ultrasound and we were supposed to be getting our maternity 21 tests to find out if there's any abnormalities or if there was what the gender was and we went in for the ultrasound and I guess let me start off well I'll start off by saying I've been readin a video up in a while because I've been really sick like I've it's not morning sickness it's been all day sickness for me like nauseous to the brink of wanting to throw up laying on the couch all day really really sick so in my head I didn't think anything was wrong I'm like I still have really bad symptoms everything you know seemed okay um I haven't really been able to eat much I've when I had a craving um it was like a big craving and bill fulfilled all of them for me but um those were kind of few and far between but I was really sick so I really I wasn't worried you know I even was pretty bloated that I put on maternity shorts because I was fat bloated um so I would be 10 weeks this weekend and I went in for the ultrasound and I went in and she said oh we don't have to do the one today we're gonna do over your belly cuz you're going to be 10 weeks and like okay so she puts it over my Valley in it look at the screen and she's moving it around and moving it around she's looking she goes when was the last time you were here I said oh about two two weeks ago she goes oh so you should be what today and I said I should be nine weeks about five nine nine weeks five days now she said hmm I'm not seeing a heartbeat and I'm a screen I mean you see something there but I don't in my head I know what it should look like at this point and it didn't look like that so I kind of was like really like not expecting it because I've been so sick so she said we're gonna put the wand in and see if she goes let me check let me double-check so she puts the wand in and she said no there's heartbeat so I'm sorry if I'm not crying in this video yesterday and last night was like it was the worst day ever really um so there was no heartbeat and she said I was measuring eight weeks four days so um it had been about a week so we had move in another room my midwife came in she talked to us again I love my midwife she's been through this before she actually shared with me that she also miscarried around the same time as me um with a prior pregnancy and she gave me option she said well you can let it pass on your own you could take this drug that we give you that will you know kind of force it on your own she said or you could just have a DNC so she said if I was recommending you to do something I would recommend the DNC just because of how far along you are it's a holiday weekend if anything happens over the weekend actually was I really don't want you to have to have to have it happen on its own she said because she's she blatantly told me she said it's pretty much a mindfuck because you're waiting for something to happen and then as it happens it's painful and it's not it's just not something that you want to go through she said and then she goes I personally took the drug and it didn't work for me so she said I would just recommend doing the Dancy she said cut it out get it taken care of now you won't have to worry about it you can have up you can breast this weekend she said plus the doctor's going out of town this weekend she said so if anything were to happen I would want you to be taken care of already so I trust her judgment she she helped she told me her experience I completely agreed with her I didn't want to wait for something to happen I didn't want I don't know I didn't want to wait so she called the doctor and she asked me when was the last time I ate and I had just eaten about an hour before we had gotten there so she said well she what she wants to do it today she said she's going to fit you in tonight before she leaves so so bill and I went home we had two cars there were very sad we went home we took the cars home we I had to arrange for thank God my my family is amazing my um kick it left work came to the house to watch Gemma my and uncle were coming in from Kentucky for a graduation party this weekend so they came right to my house as well and they all took and hurt my mom and dad and my aunt uncle took care of Gemma all night it was the first night guys that she went to bed without a boob which is a whole nother story but she ate for them she played she went to bed with no problem no boob and it was I was so worried about having her taken care of that was like the first thing in my mind I go what are we gonna do with Gemma like what's gonna happen and she did great she didn't even miss us so I facetimed her from the hospital a few times and she just kind of carried me around and was kissing me on FaceTime but she didn't care that we work on so it was okay she was taking care of um but that was like my main cry I was I kept thinking like oh we left her she's home buh buh so um thank God my family came and they took care of her and we really I went there with her we don't have to worry because they really they really watch her good and they really wear her out so she went right to sleep um so bill and I came home we dropped off one car I washed all my makeup off took all my jewelry off put in comfy clothes we had to be back at the hospital of 4:30 for registration and my procedure was going to be at 7:00 so couldn't eat so I'm starving oh my gosh whole nother story so we get there I registered you know you're laying in the bed waiting to go into the operating room and they're asking you all the all these questions you know and it was sad anyway but and I'm just so if anybody's gonna ask I was not bleeding I was not cramping I went for the dnc because she wanted me to have it taken care of before anything started happening so which I'm very appreciative for my doctor the same one who gave help me give birth to Jemma is amazing also I told her I'm like you saved my life again like thank you for doing this for me thank you for staying here extra time today and doing this for me and she just hugged me and she sat on the bed with us and talked for awhile and she wrote me a nice card there just this just really my doctor my midwife are amazing at that office so registering you asking me a ton of questions I'm just saying this in case anybody doesn't know what happens then like the worst I would say the worst part of it was when they came and asked me what they want to do with the remains did they do we want the hospital take care of the remains or do we want to take them with us so what we said just to have the hospital take care of the remains they are sending I don't know what they send but they're sending parts off to be tested and part of me thinks that it is the maternity 21 test that they're sending it off to be tested with because she said it tests for a bunch of chromosomal abnormalities and it'll tell us the gender and a lot of people have asked you know if we sent it off to be tested and the reason we do we did was because this was my egg do we want to try again it depends on this test if this test comes back and it shows an abnormality a chromosomal abnormality or something wrong I don't know that I would want to try again with one of my eggs I don't know because it's a chance you take you may get a good egg you may get a bad egg I don't know if it comes back inconclusive they suspect that it might be the natural killer cells which then would just aggravate me so much because there was no way for me to get treatment for them so bill and I talked and you know we can't do anything for two months anyway and it's not we're not going to try for a while anyway I just I need a break but um if we were to you know plan again and do something like that I think I would call the the clinic that's in Naperville or whatever set up an appointment with her and and get in there and talk to her before we start because I would want to have somebody that I could say hey we're pregnant we come for intra lipids now I want to be able to get in and start into your lipids immediately because it's in the back of my head if it comes back inconclusive and there's no abnormalities that will be and that will be in my head just like it will be in my head for our first IVF that we did and we didn't do it intra lipids I don't know if that pregnancy would have taken or not if if we had intro lipids because that was a perfect embryo so that's that's that plan going forward I'll do it once we get the results back out through a video and tell you guys all what it's all about a friend of mine shared that they sent their remains out and they came back and said that the baby had trisomy 13 which means that the baby wouldn't have lived until it was one year old and you know that's is it something you want to know I don't want to know but I do want to know you know do I want to know the gender no but I do like I want to know it but I don't want to know it so it's like a double-edged sword we're gonna find out everything out because I want to know what what's happening inside of me I want to know what caused it and if it comes back inconclusive in my head I'm gonna think it's a natural killer cells um and Bill and I both agree on that right yeah we both agree on that I want to know if it was a boy or a girl so yeah where are we going now where we going forward from here I'm just resting to be honest we got home last night at 9 o'clock my parents and my aunt and uncle left Gemma was sleeping um I watched Big Brother and then I went to bed and I didn't fall asleep until 6:30 in the morning if you're on Facebook then you saw me posting away I was I was I said thanks a lot Amazon Zulily and lularoe groups for keeping me company tonight well I'm well I have retail therapy so I just I couldn't sleep at all um I was reading all of your comments all of your messages thank you so much for all of your people everybody reaching out and just being so you know you guys are always just so supportive and I have to say that being a part of this community I was scared when they said there was no heartbeat when they said I needed to have a DNC I was scared but I was a lot less scared because of being a part of this community because of knowing because of hearing all your stories because of hearing what you guys have all been through I knew what to expect you know I the only thing I was really scared of was the anesthesia because I'm really nervous I didn't want to throw up the guy came in and he told me what he was gonna do I said I don't want to throw up so he said all right I'll give some extra stuff so you don't throw up so I didn't throw up and the anesthesia was fine I Phi when I went to sleep I never remember a damn thing and I woke up in recovery so but I knew what to expect because of you guys so thank you for that and thank you for all everyone who posts and tells Minyard you're telling me your experience and that I'm not trying to make light of the situation but it made it a lot easier knowing what to expect you know I wasn't expecting it though to go in there yesterday and hear that because I've been so sick I told the doctor I said I've been so sick she said well your HCG levels are still really high she's like it's going to take a while for your body to realize what's happening and then to get back you know get back in synch so I was up till 6:30 finally fell asleep Gemma woke up at 8:00 I nursed her right away because I didn't get to nurse her last night I talked to my lactation consultant in the middle of the night and asked her if I could nurse after the anesthesia cuz my anesthesiologist told me to pump and dump and I'm like listen I haven't pumped I haven't pumped in over six months like I don't make enough to pump so my lactation consultant said no you don't have to pump and dump it's been over however many hours she was out of your bloodstream already so she said just nurse her she said just nurse her as soon as she wakes up and he'll be fine so we did that I just her um hi mister last night huh you know I'm sad for her that's what I'm thinking in my head instead for her cuz I wanted her to have a sibling and she still make but it I'm sad for her it makes me sad I'm so thankful for her and Bill I'm sad for Bill I'm just sad I feel like I don't know I want to know what happened so um so we woke up and I'm starving I'm so hungry so we actually went out to breakfast because I don't feel I'm not cramping yet I don't know when I will start cramping they said today will probably be my heaviest bleeding day um I'm not really bleeding heavy at all my for the first time I urinated after the procedure in the hospital excited to urinate before I left the whole toilet was full of blood bright blood which the nurse said that was normal because it was your first time and after that it hasn't been there hasn't been blood in the toilet you know so there's a little bit on the pad you know where I'm changing out pads but nothing it's just like a period for me right now is it gonna get heavier I don't know am I gonna get cramping I'm sure I will um I she prescribed me Norco but I told her don't even write that because I'm not taking it I'm nursing my daughter I told you so she said I'll write it for you and if you want it you can put you could use it but I'm not I'm not using it they also wrote me a prescription for antibiotics so I bill went and pick that up for me last night and we actually just stopped at Walmart on the way after breakfast because I needed to pick up a probiotic my lactation consultant recommended me to take a probiotic just in case of thrush because even though the antibiotic they gave me is safe for nursing just in case and I'm gonna I'm gonna just you know keep her going on the yogurt and stuff so um when I took the antibiotics when I had mastitis for those couple days during that week she was fine I took this probiotic and I was fine so I'm praying that that happens again but um just had to take an antibiotic for a week and that's it that's the end of this story so we have a very busy weekend which I'm actually very happy about I don't want to stay home I don't want to just stay here I just don't want to be in the house Maura we have my cousin's graduation party we have family and from out of town for that so we're gonna go hang out there for a little bit and then Sunday we have a barbecue at our friend's house and I'm looking forward to spending time with them and then Monday we'll probably just chill and maybe I'll see Kati I'm not sure how that's going to work out yet so one question what do you regret announcing so if you wanna be here bill bill said Hanyu one no you're sitting there who cares he said you're gonna get a lot of questions of people asking do you regret do regret announcing it and I think I said in my video before that I even if something went wrong I don't regret announcing it because it's it was a miracle my body got pregnant with my egg I said if anything else I want to put the hope out there for people that it can happen it happened I made it to attend I almost made it to 10 weeks it happened so no I don't regret announcing it especially to our community now if I was not a part of this community and I didn't know any better I wouldn't have announced it I wouldn't have announced my first one either but because I'm part of this community and I understand how the support works and I understand that it's not something you should be ashamed of and it's not something that people talk about but it helps people when you do talk about it you guys helped me by talking about this so me talking about me getting pregnant and having having it happen and have it is it was a miracle my body got pregnant if it helped a couple people out there then I don't even care that I mean it then it was worth announcing it I don't care um this community has made me not ashamed it has made me you know just want to talk about it more hosted on their last night had a DNC today I heart goes out to anybody who had this done because I don't wish it at anybody it was a very hard day you know and I get people come out of the woodwork when you start talking to people about miscarriage people come out of the woodwork people you never knew vanu had had one I announced it yesterday on my personal Facebook and a bunch of people came out of the woodwork never knew they had a miscarriage and now I do because they said I had one too you know it was the worst thing love you people don't talk about it and they should because it helped me yesterday just reading comments and messages helped me that being said I don't want to talk about anymore we're going to a barbecue Sunday I told my friends I said I really don't want to talk about it I just want to come and hang out and be around you guys like I don't want to I don't want people to ask me questions or I just it's done it happened I don't want to rehash it it was a bad day it was the worst day so and that's it what other questions what else that's it I called my tattoo parlor I'm seeing if I can get back in to start my slave up again I unfortunately lost the first date that I have but I'm sure I'm going to call today and see if I can get back in I have some changes in it I don't know I have some ideas in my head like now if this comes back and it was a boy I have an idea if it was a girl I have an idea so I don't know I'm thinking about it when I will share in a future video do I regret booking my doula placenta encapsulation and the nursery artist know I need to be on my freakin game if ship if I have something on my calendar if you guys know don't know me in personal life I have a calendar and I'm organized so I cancel you just cancel it just cancel a teeny DS D wrong it is I don't care I like writing in my book hey don't hate because there's a lot of planner lovers out here um I mean I had already reserved the tent tables and chairs for the back yard for the gender party I cancelled that yesterday so do I regret doing any of that no because I was hopeful because I was excited we were not expecting this so nobody's ever expecting this and um that's it we're very sad but we're gonna be around family all weekend family and really close friends that are like family so we're in good hands Bill's like the best husband ever he was with me all day yesterday so if you guys have any questions leave them below and I'll answer otherwise I will do it I have Gemma's 15 month 14 and 15 month update coming up and no more pregnancy blacks when I get the results back from all of this testing that they're doing I don't know I think it's going to take 10 days they said um 10 business days so that means like two weeks two and a half weeks I'll do a video on that and I haven't felt good at all I haven't felt I haven't even been on snapchat if you guys follow me on snapchat so I have not felt well and so I have some catching up to do with videos but you will be seeing me and we are fine I mean we're very sad but we're okay and thank you for all of your messages comments text support you guys are the best you know that and congratulations to everybody out there I'm still I'm so excited for everybody we I was pregnant with so many women right now I was so excited there's so many women that have been waiting to get their bf peas that finally got their BFP so congratulations you guys don't give up hope I'm keeping you guys all in prayers and and I just announced Meg from smarty and Steve owes her online baby shower so if you want to link to that comment below and I'll send you the link it's a private online Facebook group but she is the next shower in line so we're going to be showering her and her baby girl and that's it so I will see you guys on my next video thank you for everything and I love you bye

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