Postpartum Depression/Anxiety + Life Update

all right you ready to make a video can you look at the camera and say cheese all right you're gonna swing and I'm gonna talk okay does that sound good yeah I'm gonna swing hey Internet captain Erica here coming at you with a slightly different video than you're used to seeing on this channel if you're new here this is a follow-up to a video I did back in April of 2018 and it is now july 2019 so honey was six and a half months old when I made that video and now he's what are you 22 months old yeah something like that so anyway um this is not a normal video for my channel and I don't really intend on making a bunch more of these but I wanted to give an update to those of you who had commented and left me messages about the topic postpartum depression and anxiety so definitely kind of a sensitive thing to talk about but I started the conversation and I kind of want to just like update everybody on where I'm at so sprays like all that stuff goes in the previous video I pretty much just like hey guys I have depression and anxiety I'm awkward this is weird but I want to let you know bye and I didn't like said I was in therapy and stuff so pretty much since then after that things didn't really get better for a while they kind of actually got kind of a little bit worse for a while but things have gotten a lot better then they have been I wish I could say everything's like magical and unicorns and stuff now which is not but at Teddy and I are doing a lot better in general so I mean Teddy's fine but like I'm doing a lot better since then so I've just learned a lot of like coping skills and things that helped me kind of like understand what's happening in my brain when it's happening and how to handle it so that's been good and I think there's a lot of like just forgiving yourself stuff going on and letting go of a lot of things like pressures and stuff that you get from family and friends and the internet oh my gosh so much pressure from the internet not you guys but like mom internet stuff if you were a new mom just stay away from the internet for a while is my advice but anyway the first year of Teddy's life was really really really challenging for me but it was also like the best thing ever like having teddy is like so cool he's such a cool guy we had a lot of fun together if you follow me on Instagram I tend to post there more than I do on YouTube but we have a good time and yeah being a little family is super cool so that's good as far as like what the future holds I've definitely been apprehensive about having another kid but there that is in the plans because it's so hard to like explain to people it's like I don't want to repeat the best worst years of my life like ever in a way I mean I've had some really hard struggles in my a like earlier in my life that I definitely would be up there but there's something really scary about having in tanks intense anxiety and fears and thoughts that make you want there like you feel like you need to end your life or you need to run away from your life or you need to not be around what makes you absolutely happy and full of joy like it's it's a very conflicting thing so anyway most of that type of stuff isn't a regular occurrence for me anymore I leave the house titty and I play outside that was actually a huge part of like me feeling better in general is moving to our new place where we're at now and being outside and gardening and going on hikes and stuff new parenthood in general is really challenging to like do all the things that you used to do and still kind of like accepting that it's really a big thing and I used to do so much stuff like I was really busy and I could get like 20 errands done in a day and like all that kind of like unraveled and fell apart kind of next level because I was like too scared to do anything so now we're doing stuff and that's really cool I've definitely like scaled back like my expectations of myself but also like what I expect of us to be able to do and like that kind of stuff so it's been interesting I won't go into all the details because it's long and complicated but I just wanted to let people know that things are getting better and this sucks but it I don't know it kind of just it is what it is and I just really appreciate when I posted originally in that video just saying hey like guys I'm like struggling the support was really really really awesome I posted it on YouTube and Facebook to my friends and family and I didn't really respond to a lot of the comments then cuz I was just so overwhelmed like I just didn't know what to do it was terrifying even post the video and everything so thank you to those who actually like commented and said really nice things or maybe shared some of the stuff that they went through and stuff because it really did help and I just I'm sorry I didn't respond it's just hard to do things sometimes so definitely definitely appreciative of that so anyway I swear it's just kind of like life updates in general I also kind of wanted to include you know one of the reasons why I haven't done a lot of like long term outdoor videos like camping and building shelters and stuff like that is it lack of want to do that I really want to do those things and I want to include those kind of in like my like skills training and and kind of repeat some things that I used to do that I never took a video of and I should have because I've been so cool but not only there's like the post partum things been immensely more complicated and challenging ever I ever thought but also my husband has been having a lot of health problems so this last a couple of years not only has been new Parenthood craziness but also my husband's always had to collect some chronic like illness type stuff going on and he has like really intense allergies and some things that make his life a little bit more complicated but it's gotten really really bad in the past couple of years pretty much after teddy was born was kind of like the last big burst of energy he had and he just kind of he was in a lot of pain I don't want to like tell everybody all the nitty-gritty details but he was having a lot of pain and he was fatigued and sleeping a lot and that made everything really hard for us and it's it doesn't really like I want to kind of separate it from the postpartum depression anxiety because I do believe there are two separate things but it did make us both it was challenging for us both to manage all of that on top of Teddy while he's sick and we don't know what's going on and we've been to a lot of doctors we've been to doctors in our town we've been in doctors a couple of hours north of us to some really big fancy hospitals and there's a lot of things the doctors just don't really understand what's going so he's had like 10 bazillion tests done to him and we're actually going to be going to the Mayo Clinic probably soon so he has been out of work for a few months anyway we still like each other we are happy teddy is happy which makes us happy are you happy yes we as relaxing isn't it so that's good I think even though like we've had like a lot going on I think yeah you're happy I think we are in a situation or we're in like the best situations for the world the circumstances that we have we have a house we have support from you just sit here Christie head to the camera I'm talking to all the people on the Internet yeah so things are like good bad you know just it's it's complicated but I just wanted to just throw that out there so that people knew that wow we are doing our best and I want to create content because it it is like a really fulfilling thing for me to do I really enjoy making these videos for you guys I enjoy interacting with the like bushcrafting outdoors a community you guys are rad thank you for like being there and yeah I'll just kind of wrap up this video I don't I don't think I'll post much more about this at least in video format but I might blog about it or post it on my Instagram whatever so I'm gonna wrap it up thank you so much for watching Teddy and I are gonna go play on the backyard s'more by digging some dirt pick some flowers and just stay tuned the next videos for the foreseeable future will be all outdoorsy related I have a couple here reviews I want to do and just get back into the fun stuff so anyway thank you guys

8 Replies to “Postpartum Depression/Anxiety + Life Update”

  1. I can really appreciate what you’re saying in a video like this one. My wife and I had a baby last October and it’s been difficult in ways we wouldn’t have imagined prior to being parents. Our daughter has had many health problems and doctors are unsure of the best plan of action, even to this day. No doubt it could always be worse but it’s been very difficult and trying on us as a family. I think having a good support system, trying to stay positive and praying are among the best things you can do to stay strong, but it’s so much easier said than done. I guess that’s life, and things like this happen sometimes but depression and sadness is definitely a side effect. I hope your husband finds the right kind of help he needs and I hope things continue to become easier and easier for you and your family. Thanks for the video

  2. Prayer is the cure. I find great comfort in spending time with the Lord. God wants us to lean on Him. Late at night, when I toss and turn and can’t sleep…I use those quiet moments to praise Him, to humble myself and ask Him to restore me. I hope you find the same peace and reassurance in your prayer life. “On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.” Psalm 63:6

    God is always awake and present. He’s ready to listen. He wants you to lay your troubles at His feet.

  3. Sweet heart,
    All we can do is our best. So you do the best that you can. Don't be so hard on yourself. I like this saying. " It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok. It's not the end. "

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