PostPartum Depression : My experience & 5 signs of PostPartum Depression

hey you guys and welcome to my channel this is my very first video that I'll be uploading to my channel and if you haven't subscribed take the time to subscribe now go down there and hit that subscribe button that way you'll be following my page and also hit the bell button that way when I upload you guys will be another loop you'll get a notification every single time I'll post and I'll be posting every single Saturday bringing out some content every single Saturday so stay tuned on Saturdays y'all I just want to do a little bit about me really quick I am a mother of two I have a two-year-old daughter and I have a one-year-old son he was blessed with an extra chromosome if you guys don't know what that means he was born with Down syndrome and I'm also a wife I'm 23 years old and I got married at 20 years oh yes I got married at 20 years old so I got a lot going on and I'm young and so I'm over the past years I've gotten dm's and messages asking for advice on questions related to motherhood or how I'm doing it so young or how I'm managing everything so young as far as my marriage how I knew my husband was the one I've also gotten questions on my faith and my walk with God I just received a lot of questions from young women who want to know more or maybe just you know are on the same path or journey so I wanted to really be transparent with you guys I want to really be open and just real about my experiences and what I've been through and what you know I can offer to help you know other young women so yeah just gonna get right into this video it's about postpartum depression yeah and it's not an easy subject to talk about sometimes it's taboo because it can bring feelings of shame it can't bring feelings of maybe guilt or like embarrassment you don't want anyone to know that you been through this you don't kind of just want to keep it to yourself you know you might feel like people well if I tell them this that you know I mean I may be judged but this is really not really talked about and we may not even realize that we're going through it I know from my own personal experience I did not realize that I was going through postpartum depression until maybe like two months after having my baby after having my daughter so I'm just gonna share with you guys my experience was postpartum depression and I'm also gonna share with you guys five signs that may indicate that you or somebody you know could be going through postpartum depression and some tips that helped me out during this time and helped me to just beat the postpartum depression so my experience with it was I was pregnant with my daughter in 2016 I was due October 8th and she decided to come on October 5th so a few days early and I went into the hospital and I was planning this extra perfect birth and it's going to be a vaginal birth and you know nothing is gonna go wrong and I'm just gonna bond with my baby and everything and it went probably like the total opposite of what I planned so I think that that's what contributed to my postpartum depression as well it just wasn't the experience that I was planning had planned or was looking forward to so I began to you know get discouraged about that but long story short I couldn't push my daughter out she was really big she was almost 10 pounds she was 9 pounds in 6 ounces she was a big baby and so I just personally don't think I would have been able to push her out so she was big and I was at nine centimeters dilated guys like I was there they saw her head they told me to push but I just could not and then her heart rate started dropping they my OB said it to me in the words just like this he said mone sweetie we're gonna have to do a c-section I said no this is not a part of my plan you know so I just the whole room got silent you know my family they tried to encourage me but it's from there I just felt my spirit drop I just was discouraged and it also ended up being a traumatic experience for me with the c-section since it was an emergency c-section the medicine that they gave to numb me the end of me all the way and as they began the surgery they said if you can feel anything tell us and I was trying to express to someone like hey this is sharp that's all I could say at the moment because I was under such heavy medication all I could literally say was sharp I'm trying to lift my know that hey this hurts but they had to keep going with this surgery because her heart rate was talking they had to get her out so it was a very traumatic experience I'm gonna post her birth story on a totally different that's a totally different video because her birth was crazy guys but so after going through the traumatic c-section I just I just kind of shut down in the hospital for our four to five days stay with my husband I was moody I was irritable I was angry I was very emotional and I know that it's normal for a mother to sometimes be emotional after birth our hormones are fluctuating we just gave birth we just pushed out a baby or went through a surgery so it can be you know emotional but the way I was emotional it was angry it was hopeless it was sad in that aspect Oh after recovery a nurse asked me did I want to hold my baby and I said no and it is emotional I said no and that's something that I do regret to this day and I was just my husband gave me a look like what you know and the nurse was also looking like what I'm just like well what is everybody looking at I just pushed out my baby this lady is pushing down on my uterus I'm still in pain I don't want to hold this baby right now but looking back on it that's not normal usually this is a time where moms when I bond with their baby they want to do skin-to-skin they want to breastfeed they want to take pictures they want to I didn't want any of that and I didn't see the big deal at the time but now looking back that should have also been assigned like why don't you want to hold your baby why don't you want to bond with your baby so they also had a woman in the hospital come sit down in my room mm-hmm after I'm already crabby after I'm already Moody and come talk to me about postpartum depression I was not trying to hear anything she had to say I'm like she must be here for my husband because I'm fine must be here for him so you know I ended up taking she's giving me hotline numbers and papers and pamphlets on it I'm just like I'm fine you know I'm fine but I didn't realize it finally hit me that I was going through postpartum depression when I began to have suicidal thoughts or when I just began to feel like I didn't want to be here anymore I just wasn't enjoying life I wasn't enjoying motherhood nothing was enjoyable to me I lost interest in my daily activities and when I finally hit the point where I was suicidal after just having my baby I reached out to somebody and I just want to encourage you if you're suicidal if you're thinking about suicide if you are discouraged if you're filling to the point where you're going to hurt yourself or harm your baby please reach out to somebody that you know and that you actually trust with this information that you know isn't gonna you know exploit this information but I reached out and that was the turning point me when I actually reached out and talked to someone my aunt was the one I reached out to and she referred me to a friend who went through the postpartum depression and so her friend shared with me that she was on antidepressants I went to my OB and I tried to enter the presence I didn't like them so I you know I just just kind of put that to the side like man I would rather just try to naturally kind of you know but I'm not saying it's a bad thing because if you need to enter their presence please take them they do make a world of a difference but for me personally at the time I just didn't see the benefit of them I didn't really like you know them but I was on them with my second pregnancy with my son so I'm gonna make another video about that about how I the inner depressants helped me with my second pregnancy but at the time that just wasn't where I was at but reaching out to someone was my turning point it was the point where I felt free I feel like I had a monkey off my back I feel like now that somebody knows I'm I can open up I can be free but you know just make sure it's somebody that you trust that you know and love now I'm gonna share with you guys five signs that you know may indicate that you or someone you know may be going through postpartum depression the first sign is that you're not being able to bond with your baby no matter what you do you just don't feel the feelings of happiness when I would breastfeed I wasn't happy when I will hold my baby I wasn't happy when I didn't want to take pictures I don't want to really do anything I didn't find any enjoyment and motherhood and that was a sign right there you just can't bond with your baby the second side would be not everybody knows this but it's isolation isolation is a huge sign and I know is you know normal for mommies to want that you know time alone that one-on-one time the intimate time after they'd just given birth with their baby alone or maybe with their husband in the room or a select family member we do want that intimate time before inviting people in but it becomes a problem when you're isolating yourself for weeks and months after you gave birth that indicates that you don't want to be around anybody I know I was feeling down I didn't want to me bother I wasn't if there if you're not answering calls if you're not answering texts if you literally just sit in the house and you isolate yourself you're not communicating with anybody that's a sign that you may need to talk to somebody because you're bottling everything up and I did borrow a lot of things up and I will explode on my husband or I would you know yell I would cry you know I would scream a lot you know crying a lot more than usual you know out of hopelessness or sadness or you know just these mood swings being irritable that's another side mood swings now court hormones do fluctuate once we have a baby they go up and down after the birth you know after having a baby in the birth process our hormones do fluctuate we just gave birth we just had a life taken out of us it took a lot you know out of us so hormones and moodiness maybe it's normal but when you are perpetually angry irritable snappy crying for no reason like I would just cry and cry and cry at the the craziest things and it's not because I was emotional is because I felt hopeless it was because I feel like alone it was because I felt like I wasn't a good mom like I couldn't do it so if you notice that you're crying a lot more you're having like tremendous mood swings that you know are not you that's also a sign now number four is kind of personal it's kind of awkward to talk about or maybe a little bit embarrassing but your hygiene um may start to suffer a little bit and you don't take enjoyment out of doing daily activities I know for myself I'm just gonna be real with you guys I'm gonna be transparent for the sake of helping another you know young lady that may be out there struggling with this I did start to slack in my hygiene I just had the motivation to shower every single day I didn't care what I look like I stopped dressing up I wore these ridiculous Crocs everywhere you know Crocs are comfortable but like I was wearing them to church y'all were cracks teachers I was wearing Crocs in skirts I didn't care what I look like I had to spit up all my jeans I my tops probably were ripped or if it had a hole in it I don't I didn't care I didn't care how I looked I just stopped taking enjoyment out of dressing myself up I was just like well what's the point you know also I wasn't taking care of my baby like I needed to I wasn't taking care of my daughter like I knew I needed to and I went over to my aunt's house and it kind of fitted me with she was like uh yeah I can give her a bath and I was just like wait what are you trying to say I take care of my kids she was like yeah she just has a little a little sticky look you know under her neck it's kind of a little bit sticky like basically the bit my baby needed to be cleaned up she's dirty and it wasn't intentional you know some people you won't understand this when you go postpartum depression you know some people will judge you and maybe even judge me for this comment but I just I couldn't even take care of myself I was so far gone I was always just thinking about getting through the day my main goal was to make it through the day without breaking down or without screaming it was just I started slacking in my hygiene I wasn't able to take care of my baby like I knew I should I was just I had no motivation daily activities doing my hair I didn't care about any of that I just wanted to get through the day so that's sign number four is you'll start just like in your hygiene so sign number five and the most obvious sign and the most I would say detrimental sign is suicidal thoughts if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts if you're watching this video right now I want you to go and talk to somebody I want you to pick up the phone and call your you know a family member if you don't have the family member please call a friend you don't have a friend if you know somebody in the church if you know a close co-worker and if you don't you know know anybody that you can talk to feel free to message me I'll respond to your message I know what it's like to feel hopeless I know it it's like to feel like nobody cares I know what it's like to feel like you're not the best mother in the world I know how that feels and not to want to be here anymore is not a good feeling we are just struggling emotionally and you begin to just think about taking your life is not it's not a good feeling so I just want to encourage you if you have nobody to reach out to how you know you can reach out to me you can message me if you just want to vent if you need somebody to talk to our I'll be happy to respond or give it bias whatever the case may be but you can also just message me now there's also hotlines you can call and everything but that is the biggest sign when you begin to have suicidal thoughts contact somebody immediately I don't care if you feel like you're going to be embarrassed I don't care if you feel like somebody is gonna judge you if you have the people 9 times out of 10 the people that love you are not going to judge you you know they're not gonna think anything of it they're just going to behead you having the safety of you and your child concerned like they're gonna be concern for you they're you're gonna be on their minds and they're not gonna be judging you so yeah those are the five signs now I will give you some tips that really really help me get through it number one is obviously to talk to so what the minute I open my mouth in two minute I actually got over my pride and I got over my embarrassment or shame and guilt in the minute I reached out to somebody I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my back I feel like like a sigh like a relief like talk to somebody express how you feel don't bottle it up but also be exploding on you you mean you know you know you don't want to snap on your baby or anybody close to you you want to talk to somebody that can help number two was I started getting out I went outdoors I got fresh air like even if you you don't have to get all cute to go outside and walk around your neighborhood if you can't walk around your neighborhood go to a park or you know walk somewhere obviously safe but make sure you get outside you get some fresh air it just does it just did something to me to go outside and to smell the fresh air and to take a look around get outside of those four walls that you're sitting in going crazy and depressed get out fine even if it's for like I would say maybe 15 minutes at the least get outside see some greenery you know go to your local grocery store get out and do something that way you'll be outside of the same four wall environment that's causing you to be depressed you need to get out there maybe someone will smile at you at the grocery store maybe you know you'll come into contact with another mom that couldn't encourage you get outside of those four walls get some fresh air and get outdoors and that's what really helped me – another one is accept help from people accept the help from people stop rejecting people's help stop having so much pride to where when somebody a family member offers you help like no you know it's okay I got it no you don't got it no you don't got it if you had it you wouldn't be sitting here suffering you know accept the help that way you can get a break mentally physically maybe take a nap maybe take a shower maybe do something that you like to do when you know somebody's helping you out with the baby or maybe they'll help you with a chore you know just actually accept help from people and don't be afraid to ask for help either if they love you if it's a friend or you know family member if they love you nine times out of ten they're gonna be like girl I was waiting on you to ask me for help you know I would girl been waiting on you just say you needed help I know you need help over there so you know ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it also I began to dress up again it took some time to get my confidence back because after having a baby we don't feel as great about our bodies you know so we got this tummy the stomach we got this we got that this issue so it wasn't that was a gradual process for me because honestly that's something I always struggle with was my self-image so when I got pregnant I just feel like I can never get it back but it's a gradual process I started to actually maybe wash my clothes when I go out I stopped wearing staying clothes I you know put on a little mascara put on little applause get okay honey you are fine okay do you don't have to look like what you feel like just because I felt down and depressed just because I feel you know like my self-esteem had taken a shot or like I wasn't worth I started to dress up I say you know what I'm not gonna let my feelings dictate to me how I'm gonna look today and I just began to take power back mascara here and there maybe I'll brush my hair today instead of looking like a chia pet brush your hair you know motivate yourself get yourself look if you look in the mirror you say I look good that may actually influence your day you feel good about yourself you start to feel better and the last thing that really really helped me out was my faith in God was my faith go to God in prayer pray pray pray happy ask people to pray for you like hey you know I don't know you know what you may be doing right now but I just need a bit of prayer can you help me out and nine times out of 10 the people that love you the most you know the people that love you they're not gonna mind doing it it's not an embarrassing thing you know to extra prayer and I also began to read my word more I began to encourage myself in the scriptures I began to tell myself Who I am I didn't let I stopped letting postpartum depression dictate to me who I was I am NOT worthless hold on but my father's word says that you know he knows the plants that he has for me he he has great plans for my life I will not be suicidal you know everything that God breathed on he gives life to my life is not a mistake my baby's life is not a mistake and don't let the enemy trick you into thinking that you don't have a purpose if you didn't have a purpose you wouldn't be here if your baby to have purpose they wouldn't be here don't let the enemy trick you into isolating yourself that way you won't get the help you need make sure you begin to insert yourself in that word and you begin to study what God's Word says you know I just can't even express enough to you what reading the bible did for me or uplifting quotes or uplifting scriptures I stayed in my word I come back every time I had a negative thought I began to combat it I'm like you know what I'm not gonna sit here and think I'm a loser I'm not gonna sit here and think a B and C and I began to uplift myself you know so these are just things that helped me out with my postpartum depression and I just want to encourage you if you're watching this video and you have like I said if you have nobody to get into if you have nobody to talk to you can always message me I'll be happy to answer some questions or just you know give advice so I hope this video helped you in some way if it did help you please give it a thumbs up like this video also subscribe to my channel next week of course I'm uploading every single Saturday so next week I'm gonna have a part two to this video but it's gonna be my husband's perspective he's gonna be joining me and telling you guys just his perspective on what it was like dealing with me going through the postpartum depression we're gonna have a male perspective on you know how it was in the marriage and just dealing with the postpartum so yeah subscribe hit that Bell button and being – I'll see you guys next week thank you for watching I love you guys bye

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