#PPD Postpartum Depression

hey everybody so today I'm talking about depression in mothers especially postpartum depression because this is something I'm going through several times though not several let's just say with all my kids and I have three kids all right so I'm gonna tell you my own story and also put in some facts and lessons and all those things so for one I know for a fact that I get depression during pregnancy because there are a lot of changes in your hormones during pregnancy I mean you hear people saying you know pregnant women are like crazy and the truth is you tend to be kind of nuts because your hormones have shifted okay so it pretty much can start there even when you don't think it's depression it can happen I always tend to tell people how much I hate pregnancy and it's because for me my hormones and my moods are so down during pregnancy and I'm so aware of every feeling of discomfort that's happening that for the nine months I'm kind of in a miserable place so on top of that you have the welcoming to pregnancy that is morning sickness and people have morning sickness on a light note some of it sometimes doesn't happen at all and for others what is that like myself I get acute morning sickness this is basically where I'm not eating or drinking anything because I throw up everything so you guys are hospitalized or you just go into the hospital every other day to be put on a drip yeah so that can make you pretty miserable on top of that throughout your pregnancy there is views and opinions of people and from people that are unsolicited nobody asked you nobody I mean wet the minute you are pregnant first of all it seems like everybody wants to touch your belly which is insane because it's my body stop touching me and second everybody has some sort of advice or tip or hack yet you didn't ask for any of it all right now especially when it comes to families they always tell me what to do what not to do how to dress for example when it came to me I used to like the tight clothes because it felt like my body bump was being baby bump was being held tightly and it wasn't hanging so much because I felt like when it hangs the weight of it was too much so when I wore like a tight top or or and you know not a tight top but them the tops that are more fitting you know but allow for the bump I felt like how something has you know at least she chiliad me but my father would be like but you're pregnant why are you wearing you know fitting clothes just going to squish the baby and cut off circulation anyway so whenever you're around people they also have something to say about even what you're wearing on top of that during pregnancy oh lord have mercy the changes that our body goes through are insane you get stretch marks some people get dark dark dark and then you have the pregnancy no the pregnancy lips the pregnancy ears that pregnancy hands shoulders knees and toes oh my gosh so there's a lot of change and people always like oh my gosh your nose oh my gosh you're like some like they're mine I know I I get it you emphasizing it doesn't help it just makes me feel crappy and depressed all right then there's the fact that you're gaining weight and you didn't ask for it you know and you're supposed to gain like you can't stop eating and sometimes you're wondering why am i gaining so much weight yet I'm not even eating anything unusual right and then there's your breasts everything is growing and it's looking strange and weird and on top of all the strange things that are happening to your body there is still that person who always wants to touch touch how can I touch your bump and they don't know how painful or sensitive it can be oh my god your boobs are so big I'm just thinking about it just makes me depressed as it is so that's one of the other things then as your pregnancy carries on they're just the wear and tear I would like to say you're so tired you know your clothes don't fit anymore so you're kind of wearing anything that goes and you're kind of not in the mood of using up so much money on a pregnancy or maternity wardrobe because you have a baby on the way anyways so that's going to cost you money so you just kind of wear bigger things you know and that's not flattering and it makes you feel you know some way even sad as a woman sometimes and remember I'm just talking about the depression side of it all I know there's some women who look great during pregnancy and they love to dress their baby bump I know all that I'm just talking about the parts that can lead and add to depression right okay then there is the sleepless nights I remember from get the get go like I would not be able to sleep because I woke up so often to go and pee and I didn't even have a bump yet then the bump came and I couldn't figure out which position to sleep in I had 25 pillows on my bed and still that wasn't good enough those and enough space in the bed it was too hot it was too cold then you don't have enough to sleep at night yet you have to get up and go to work just like everybody else so that can be also very depressing so your skin changes I get this crazy breakout of acne when I'm pregnant and it's just it doesn't help it doesn't help because even now when I'm not pregnant and I have the acne it already kind of feels stressful so I can only imagine when you're pregnant you've got a breakout of acne and everything is changing and it's and so fast it can be quite depressing so when we are also pregnant we have a poor immune system it's not the same as with regular people and that's why we can't eat certain things and that means sometimes we get sick more for example colds during pregnancy are so depressing it can be so difficult to deal with also if you eat something that doesn't work with you when you're pregnant the morning that the so-called food poisoning is to an extra level altogether all right so um we at that point we just need you know some form of support and sometimes just having good girlfriends good you know a good husband or or partner to talk to also there's those who when you tell your boyfriend or significant other that you're pregnant boom they've hit the door and you they've gone and left you as a single mom and this is so painful and so depressing because the pregnancy carries on all right other things that can cause depression is of course the anxiety and we are leading to birth maybe you can't even afford the birth at that time maybe you haven't bought baby clothes you're just not ready and it's not something that you wanted and things are not going the way you want it and it just feels too much for you and then there's the birth itself the way we give birth greatly adds to what happens after birth okay so a lot of you have asked me why in the world would I give birth at home with no painkillers well for one I hate the hospitals because they don't from what I experienced I wasn't treated with so much love and care especially because I'm in so much pain and I'm coming to have a baby so I didn't want to be treated just like a hue City oh you lie down here not being heard so I decided that's one reason I was gonna have my baby at home that can be depressing the day of your birth and your labor you're being treated so badly and that can just make you feel like you're not good enough you're not worthy and even that your child isn't worthy of the attention and care yet you're paying for it another thing is the pain labor is by far the most painful thing I've ever experienced and it just helps when there's somebody who can support you through that I do it without the painkillers because I realize for me there was nothing that could take away the pain per se and actually it was easier to have a peaceful environment for me mentally so I could manage the pain instead of being under so much stress so for me the stress and the strain and and the equipment and the strangers and the needles and whatnot actually made that whole process more painful for me I think probably psychological but that's just me but at home my only the people I wanted were there so my husband was there I had a midwife my kids were there and my kids bring me so much joy you know so I felt I could hack it so and then I had you know the TV I could eat whatever I wanted so that was good other people give birth through induction the induction drug is also a hormone so you have to deal with that as well and after giving birth that rise and ups and down in your hormones will tend to lead you to feel a certain way and feeling depressed is part of it that also give birth through a c-section maybe it was an emergency and because of that perhaps you had planned to go natural and something went wrong or you just opted for a c-section and then later you realize oh my gosh this is really painful I'm going to have to go through all the stitches and all the pain for the next god knows how many months so there you are you've had a difficult labor as it is and now there's the recovery process and during recovery maybe you don't have help you know and then you have somebody who's like Oh get up and feed the baby or wash the baby and you can't even walk especially we've had a CS and people are looking at you but giving birth is like you know pooping so what's the big deal but they don't actually understand that even just the CS I think there's I don't know four or five layers of you that are cut cut cut until you get to the baby and that means stitches stitches stitches and it painful and you wouldn't talk to anybody who's just had an operation the way you talk to women who've just had a baby so it's unfair and it can be very depressing so at that point you have the crash and the shift in hormones from pregnancy hormones to now like after birth hormones you know and then you've got the pain and the recovery of it even if you didn't have a CS and then of course you've got now the sleepless nights baby waking up all the time and then you've got you know people calling calling calling and then you've got yourself you know thinking am i doing things right is my baby okay why's my baby crying discovering and new you and a new baby can be very depressing if you have no idea what you're doing first of all I've had three kids and still I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing because all my kids are so different and I still crash and what ends up happening is I stay up all night googling this or googling that and it just doesn't help because I'm so anxious about my baby's survival and me doing the right thing especially because people are going to ask Oh are you feeding oh the baby cries and everybody thinks they know Jana Shay and alia Oh change them they're crying oh why is you know the baby's in the same clothes that were in yesterday of who Josh mtoto and I'm just thinking first of all this is a newborn baby they are not going anywhere maybe it's you know you're tired or whatever what difference does it make if the baby is in the same clothes over in yesterday where are you they going are they are they working out are they like breaking a sweat seriously give me a break I'm so tired I'm so exhausted and then there's just people who expect you to go on as normal I remember when I've had my daughter that's my my husband's first child and after birth I came down one time to get water from the kitchen and then he was like hey babe can you make me a sandwich and I looked at him like let me tell you something I'm not doing anything for anybody I just had a kid yesterday I think was yeah the day before and I'm like just because I'm walking and I look fine doesn't mean I'm okay I feel like I was hit by a truck and then I feel like a truck came out of my vagina so please leave me alone and when I said that immediately my husband and my firstborn son started to pick up in the house and do things and even take care of me because I communicated something the pain of birth and after birth and breastfeeding whoo lord have mercy and can also lead you to be very depressed I mean you've seen people who are in pain for a long time they get cranky so it is something that contributes to it other than of course being so tired there is also the fact that you feel guilty that you're not good enough for for for this baby because maybe the baby's crying all the time and you don't know what it means you're so tired you look like crap you feel like crap so you just feel a certain way and perhaps your your your family members and visitors are coming over and they're saying oh bond Ahuja for Naveen ek Kahaani you know people are insensitive so it adds to it and again like I said unsolicited views so I'm gonna talk about my postpartum depression and from there I'm going to share some of the symptoms like sadness a sadness that just doesn't go away you've just had a baby but you're so sad I remember feeling useless because when I was pregnant I was I was useful my body was doing something but once the baby come out of me it feels it felt like I had been used and dumped you know and then now here I am the baby just keeps crying my my milk is still kicking in she doesn't know how to suckle I don't know how to make her suckle we're all crying you know so that was also crying and from nowhere but just constantly that's another symptom that something is wrong when you're anxious you're constantly checking on your baby when the baby sleeps you're like oh my gosh are they okay are they okay oh you feel like I don't want to hold my baby I don't want to touch my baby I need to get out of house oh my gosh oh my gosh so that anxiety is something else that could be a symptom that you're going through postpartum depression there's paranoia I remember always saying did you lock the doors did you lock the doors I think I had a sound Gwen check this could hurt my baby this could hurt my baby like I was so paranoid about everything and anything that could endanger sorry about that my baby on myself and my family at that time you could be very irritable and an unusual kind of irritable not just tired like you are irritated by any and everything there is insomnia that is lack of sleep even when you can sleep you just have lack of sleep and that's another symptom then you also tend to abandon yourself you don't take care of yourself so not that you're even tired even when your husband comes and says let me hold the baby and give you a moment to take a shower you are like I don't care I don't want that abandoning yourself the house the baby is also another symptom you can have dark thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself or your baby I remember sharing how I just wanted to put a pillow over my baby's face or drown my baby and I had to battle with that and it's it's not that I'm a horrible person it's just part of the whole depression okay it is a mental health issue at this point what's the other thing well from that you can also especially with a prolonged thing this is not something that just happens immediately after it starts to kick in when things should be getting better and when you when things should be more stable is when now you see this person is not getting out of that funk then this is not being tired anymore this is not you know the pain is gone things of somewhat should be back to normal and they're still in our funk that's a symptom right there so let's talk about solutions first you need to acknowledge that something is not right if what I've said and you're in like six months sick past six weeks and you're feeling the things that I've said then I think you need to acknowledge that something is not right and you're in depression and then I need you to know that first of all it is normal lots of women go through it and you shouldn't feel guilty about it that you're not able to care for your child or yourself or that you even feel like hurting your child it is a condition then you need a support system you need to talk to people you can trust your friends your family your husband even a counselor if none of them will listen look for a counselor go to a group like you know on Facebook or wherever on social media and look for groups that offer support for this and share their and you will get the help that you need but do not sit quietly because that's going to eat you up as well another thing is also like trying to get some more time in maybe you're tired so what I said doing is I said pumping at three weeks I said pumping and showing the baby had to use a bottle even if I was breastfeeding because this would allow for me to just sleep and somebody else could feed the baby with my milk using a bottle also it would allow me to get a moment to go outside you know because we need to get out of the house just walk get some fresh air walking is a great form of exercise and exercise kicks off those happy hormones the endorphins that make you feel better so getting out of the house and exercising getting help talking about it acknowledging it and then changing the environment sometimes it's good to just leave and go away for a week not a week but a day or two it could be to your mother's house it could be to your sister's house it could be even in the house just changing things around you know bringing in flowers and things that make you feel better another thing is forgive yourself go easy on yourself understand that this is a normal thing you're not a horrible person alright and also it helps to control the environment even from before when it comes to environment I remember before I went into birth and labor and breath I told my family members that I do not want visitors after the baby and I was very very strict about this and if you came to my door I would turn you away and people would think you know I'm rude but I didn't care what they thought at that point the only people who were allowed was my mother-in-law immediate family my mother-in-law my father our my my parents my brothers and my husband's sisters that was it and for those of you watching you can support these people by going calling first and then saying can I come over and help you you know clean up the house a bit or hold the baby so you can shower one of the things that my mother-in-law did that was a great gift was that she hired a chef to come and cook and you know just clean after the they were done every day I think for a month and it really helped so there's also having depression but also knowing somebody who has depression and how to deal with it in general I don't think that once somebody has just had a baby that you should be flocking their house and expecting tea and cookies and all of those things give the present time give them even those two two weeks three weeks before you start going over to see them and if you go over take some food take some tea go over ready to help if it's cleaning if it's holding the baby if it's washing clothes for the baby whatever it is just offer your support as well and be there willing to listen and to to to remove judgment because we are not all the same and we're not talking about somebody who's just being mean we're talking about somebody who's got depression so I hope this has been helpful let me hear how you dealt with your depression how you were feeling during the depression and what helped during depression and if there any other topics you want me to talk about I would be glad to hear them as well and please like share and subscribe all right love you

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