pregnant at 17 / teen miscarriage

hello what's up guys today is going to be my first youtube video basically today's video I just wanted to talk about my 17 and pregnant story / my miscarriage at 17 also I do have three cats so if you see them climbing around or you hear little noises in the background I apologize fat and I also have my dishwasher going so I don't know if you guys can hear that and I'm sorry for that as well but basically I did want to film this video today because this happened a few years ago now by this point I'm I am 19 right now almost 20 but this has been something I've wanted to film for a very long time because I remember when I went through my miscarriage at 17 my first thing that I do is I you know go on YouTube and I try to you know people that have come to the same thing and things like that you know it helps a lot when you're alone in this situation and I literally found nothing you know I found stories of miscarriages but they were mostly from you know older women who were married and financially stable and you know had been trying for a while and then lost their baby so I was having a really hard time relating yeah you can really on some things but I felt like I was just very disconnected from their stories and I know now there are there has been a few youtubers who have opened up about their miscarriages such as journey with jerks which I am honestly like I'm so sorry that people have to go through this it is a thing but I am so thankful that you know there are people that are teenagers who are finally speaking about it because I feel like it is a very different situation with miscarriages as a teen because I feel like all pregnancies are the same whether you're 16 17 25 35 but I feel like miscarriages when you're trying vers not trying are typically very different especially as the teenager versus an older person so basically just start I just wanted to talk about how I found out I was pregnant my period was a week late me and my boyfriend at the time did not use protection and I was completely like no I'm not pregnant my parents just lay or I just missed it whatever no big deal which was very irregular for me I am a very regular person with my period so I don't know why I thought like that but once it was a week late I decided you know whatever I'll go buy a test no big deal I was so in denial at the fact that I was pregnant that literally I paid on the test and it you knew you wait like three five minutes whatever and I walked away completely left ate my dinner you know left it in the bathroom not even thinking about it and then like an hour goes by and I was like oh hey I forgot I took a pregnancy test and I walked back in the bathroom and it said pregnant it was one of the digital ones and my heart kind of like I don't know it like dropped and like I kind of freaked out a bit and I was like no no so I took the other one and I sat there watching it like the entire time as it was like doing little dogs going through and same thing happen instead pregnant so I instantly texted my boyfriend at that time and I said hey get to youth group early which was our like weekly Church thing that we go to because it was a Wednesday and I said go a little bit early I want to talk to you he's like about what and I was like you know I want to talk to you in person and he was like are you pregnant and I said yes and I sent him a picture to the test and he was in denial as well he's like don't trust just one brand go to the store and buy a different brand you know it might come out different I was like okay so I left for youth group early and I stopped at Walmart bought one of those cheap tests that like little plus nine and I bought the test went to the bathroom and took it in the warmer bathroom and shined up with net pregnant like literally in two seconds I sent it to him and I was like it's real like I am and you know we went to youth group we didn't really talk about it much he made like a few little jokes about it we didn't tell anyone you just found out and then that night we had been talking basically all night saying you know we're not gonna tell anyone we're not gonna tell our parents he wanted me to have an abortion I was like absolutely not I will never have an abortion I'm just me personally I just don't want to like I'm I wouldn't ever see myself having an abortion so he was very against it you know he thought our parents were never gonna let us see each other again and volleyball but basically you know I was accepted of it very fast you know like the next day I was like I'm pregnant I got this you know let me start working harder and you know doing all these things I instantly went into like mom mode I was like I need to work I need to save my money I need to eat healthy you know drink lots of water that's instantly where my mind went to and then exactly one week later after I found out nobody knew that I was pregnant I was at youth group again and I was a little crappy throughout youth group and right before youth group had really started I went to the bathroom and noticed a tiny bit of blood and I left on my little pregnancy app and it did say the spotting was normal so that's what I had assumed it was I put like a little liner on youth group was over we were heading to small groups and in between that time I had gone to the bathroom because you know my stomach was getting like hard cramps I wasn't feeling great and I pull my pants down and there was a lot of blood and again my heart dropped and I instantly knew that it was a miscarriage there was like no doubt in my mind that it was something else I instantly was just like this is a mess and I got very upset I went to youth group I didn't talk to anyone during youth group I kind of just sat there and then when you could was over I had you know talked to my boyfriend at that time I was like hey text me when you're home I need to talk to you because like I'm going dinner with my friends by the wall and I was like no big deal it's not like a rush it's fine go to dinner and then tell me when you're home and basically when he was home I told him I said hey I'm bleeding it's definitely 100 percent of miscarriage like I have no doubt and he was like well everything happens for a reason maybe it's a good thing maybe we weren't ready baba and you know he said that and then he was kind of over it just like I don't talk about it I'm sorry for you that's it and so I feel very alone I was very upset I bled for about five days straight like a period lots of carving and stuff very uncomfortable and every time I went to the bathroom it was kind of just like a reminder of what was happening and I was basically just really upset very depressed and I had no one to talk to you because I was terrified to tell people but also I didn't have a ton of people you know a lot of friends at that time it was kind of just me and my boyfriend at that time and I he wasn't very supportive you know of when I was going through so you know my due date was in October and basically up to October I was in a lot of denial I was like maybe it's not a miscarriage you know maybe I'm just like those people who are pregnant but they don't show or they're so getting their period and I basically was in denial until October when my due date was and I was like if I felt anything goes like even going until your ear but it was kind of like a false like sense of security I don't know how to explain it but like it was the only thing that was kind of getting me through it was thinking you know maybe it's not true and it took me a long time to fully come to the fact like no you aren't pregnant you're not gonna have a baby it's not happening like it's gone and you know if I ever was upset I would have random days that I would just get really upset about it and he completely shut me down if I wanted to talk about it and I just felt super alone so basically fast forward my due date came obviously no baby I was very upset that day and then basically a year after my due date so when the baby would have been a year old I did get this tattoo it's hard to see but it's two marigolds and a marigold is the October flower so that's the reasoning behind that tattoo it's just like a little symbol for me as like a remembrance and that is my story about finding out that I was 17 and pregnant my miscarriage so I hope you guys you know get something from this video if any of you guys are coming across this video because you are going through miscarriage I am so sorry and please you know comment you know DM me something I would love to help you guys with this situation I know it's very hard especially if you don't have anyone in your corner to talk to and please give this video a thumbs up if you enjoyed it and subscribe to my channel and thank you guys so much for watching bye

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