Story Time: My Exhausting C- Section Story



good morning good afternoon good evening good brunch time good cocktail hour whatever time of day you're potentially watching this video pardon my like bighead shadow over there I'm new at this and so I'm just trying to get lighting where I can and it created a double need a much more bigger big-headed egotistical me but that's that's just gonna be there the topic of today's video is completely based on my experiences and my limited knowledge about human body the pregnancy birth and postpartum experience and I hope that anything that I share is taken with seriousness but also with an understanding that I don't have all of the vocabulary or the professional education to be able to understand every dimension of mics but a little background about me I am 24 years old I have a little boy named Leon he's 16 months and my pregnancy was a dream honestly I gained a good amount of weight but health-wise I was amazing I every time we went to the hospital I prayed I was like not the hospital the doctor I prayed I'll cycle through this is a good visit God please give me a good visit and every single time was a good visit there was there were no scares there were no moments where I felt like okay well why can't you find the heartbeat hurry up there was nothing like that and don't know why this is emotional I think I had become so accustomed to hearing good news every time I went to the doctor that I think I took it for granted towards the time when it was time for him to be born I think I was so used to like everything just being butter that whenever it became crunchy peanut butter it was like what do you mean instead of saying okay this is what it is it was like no I have 50 more questions because this isn't making sense this is Bill this is not my experience anyway so I went through his entire term in my belly healthy safe lots of pounds but he was healthy and I was healthy when it came time for his delivery it was it was it was traumatic and everybody's versus not picking daisies or anything like that for most people I presume however I had gone to the birthing classes I'd read the books I did all the studious things that I was supposed to do as a new mom and when I was in the book what to expect you expecting that chapter about c-section my arrogance told me didn't even read it didn't even look at it in the birthing class when they discussed it I just kind of looked at my husband or said it was like that's like I've yes like I'm gonna have this baby naturally and that succubus yeah always be prepared for any and everything the disclaimer but when it was time for Lyon to make his appearance we had gone to the hospital because I had thought that my water broke and Joseph fresh back from work I was finishing research paper I was in graduate school at the time and I was just hanging out at the house yeah so you go to the hospital I'm having a painting I mean it was pain it wasn't what I would consider to be the contractions that I felt but it was maybe it was round ligament pain maybe it was just like dehydration pain because I had had that a few times and so I just kind of was thinking okay well maybe this is just what it feels like to get the process started I go there and get in the room and I'm nervous I'm gonna say no your water hasn't broken and I'm like okay well let's go home then cuz if it hasn't broken I still had two more weeks of technically what would bring me to full term so I was fine I was 38 weeks in two days or 38 weeks in a day so I was like at that time I'm ramping up my mind to get height at home and they just check for Leon's happy can't find it roll me in a bunch of different positions can't find it a bunch of nurses running can't find it finally they find it said he's in distress put an IV in my arm and say you're not going anywhere and I was like so then I am on the table just kind of like what I do when I'm overwhelmed is I just kind of completely zone out like there's nothing else in the world except for me and my own thoughts which can be pretty bad sometimes I'm not gonna lie because I was terrified moving forward to the doctor convenient and saying all right we're gonna put you on put a bulb in try to get you order to break naturally it didn't happen these are hours in history didn't happen put me in these positions to be stretches it didn't happen finally they go in and manually break my water well labor start instead right so I was going through labor and not making any progress naturally it didn't have any kind of medication well was it dilating and I wasn't becoming any more faced really that's the term it's been a long time and so then they say okay well we're gonna induce you to get this labor started so I'm like okay I have no idea what this is supposed to be and nurses are so pretty and so handsome and so charismatic but sometimes I feel like they at least the ones that I had which we're holding back a little more than I wish that they would have in multiple scenarios not just this one this one was not so bad because I was like I am being just from going to labor I kinda know what to expect and so they're adjusting the levels of the pitocin and it's and I don't have any pain medication so I think I was about at a level eight for a couple hours of the pitocin and I think it only goes up to maybe 16 please don't quote me on that today I think they take me up to 12 and so I'm laboring I'm they had the IV in me though so I didn't I wasn't able to freely move like I had wanted to or kind of get up and move around I was kind of I wouldn't say bound to because that feels so dramatic but I was with this contraption and so anything that I wanted to do I had to do with it and I was asked not to do anything really getting on the floor so it was just kind of like everything I had to do was in that bed so I'm doing this for hours and I'm not making any progress I'm being checked no progress no dilation no more face that's what it's called no more of that and some why morale starts to kind of sink into his tummy because I'm starting to feel like number one amber you're feeling you're not doing the one thing that your body is supposed to be able to do number two is what am I doing wrong to where I can hold this healthy baby this whole time and with time for him to come then my body isn't doing all the things that is supposed to be able to do so despite the fact that I'm trying to you know keep on my Warner face and push through this very intense labor situation I mentally was dwindling and so we've got labored in that fashion for about ten hours without making any progress I went to bed I think they gave me some pain not the the epidural or anything but I think they gave me some kind of medication to let me sleep through the night it's all blurry might be better to ask my family what happened but wake up and progress has been made still go through the whole day and why this makes me so emotional about 10 o'clock p.m. my body and everything was mentally physically everything was exhausted Leone my son was being so tough in there he was fine I wasn't able to eat or anything so I'm just like going you know going off fuels here and finally they were like I think you should have an epidural and but you're small this is too much so I did they think that would make progress an hour later no progress they say we're absolutely sick they say we're gonna have to do a c-section so and they and it wasn't like this is the first time they had said it they have been warning me about this for hours I think in their head that they didn't think that I was gonna make any more progress but they wanted me to try because that's what I wanted to do the and they just said kind of like it's time and so they get me prepped and everything they say thirty minutes in and out they'll be fine meet your baby it's like okay well I wouldn't be awake to you my baby cries first I'm so excited and so they blew me and I'm laying down it's frightening you watch those movies those medical movies or you watch crazy ahead of me to see someone laying on a stretcher and it becomes commonplace like you just see people on the stretcher when you're the person on the stretcher being wheeled you're looking up it's like all these lights the doors besides the people the sounds all of it feels like you're in like the twilight zone like you are it it's again this is my personal experience I felt like I could have vomited because I was like what is about to happen to me and I was right to feel that way because my instincts told me this feels weird so I go into the hospital room the operation room my husband is standing behind me I'm laying down they had to strap my arms down so I'm like this they put the sheet up and they're doing a bunch of things I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and trying to figure out what's going on keep in mind I had the pitocin I mean the epidural at this points I've had the opportunity if you don't know anything about it it's kind of placed near your lumbar like your lower back area and it's supposed to numb you from wherever you get that point down so you're not supposed to have any feeling you know you've been having a new pelvis wouldn't have any legs toes nothing like that so by the time the operation that began I start looking at the clock I can do thirty minutes I think it's like eleven o'clock yeah it's like 11 o'clock p.m. so the they make the incision didn't feel that all I could feel was like it felt like somebody was taking their elbows and like kneading them right in the first my pelvis um because you don't have like a ton of feeling you can feel pressure I think you can't feel like necessarily what I would consider to be pain so it's kind of how it felt okay you know well I started to feel pulling in this area pulling like very hard pulling in this area and then I felt like a huge wave of pressure and force swing up to my chest back down up into my chest and back down up into my chest and back down and then a huge pulling down and after that 15 seconds went by and then I heard Lyon cry so what was happening and up and down was that they were they were taking out my organs and the way that Leon's head was wedged in my pelvis because of all the pressure from the a being induced was pushing him down but because there was nowhere for him to go because I wasn't making any dilation progress was that it was just getting wedged in my pelvis his head was getting wedged in my pelvis it was so sad to think that my baby had to go through that kind of pain I pray that it's that it wasn't painful for him but anyways so I had to remove all of my organs to get him wedged out of his head wedged out of my pelvis well then they had to swing his body up to try get the head on wedged and then finally be able to pull him out put my organs back pull my skin down and complete the operation I felt when he was in I just so you know none of this had any pain medication no part of my stomach or chest ribcage had any pain medication so I was screaming I was I mean I was begging for mercy in there I mean and I I have tattoos you know I have I've had very painful experiences and I would say that there's it was it's I still can't even bring myself back to that place because it was so painful that it makes you feel like you're just gonna black out and it went on for an hour so whenever I look back at the clock look this is more than 30 minutes in my head I'm like this is more than 30 minutes this is more than 30 minutes this is taking longer than 30 minutes well I felt the relief whenever he was out all right I know he was out and I didn't hear anything I did not hear anything at all and so I'm sitting here I'm counting and I count all the way to 15 before I hear my baby cry all the pain was gone from the way and all I could all I could say was that's my baby that's my baby boy like yes this is over like he's here my little prince has arrived now it is over two days of this and almost ten months of making up my little baby is over and because and so I look over to my left and this is fleeting memory because because of the pain that I had endured you can imagine anybody who loves you and cares for you having to watch you work through that kind of pain is it's like a nightmare for them to be able to see you scream and beg for help and not be able to help you that's a nightmare however my husband this is funny the ethical security on him it's not funny because he's my knight in shining armor but they had to call security on him because he was making threats in their people and telling them what they should do and how they should do it and how fast they need to do things and yeah security had to wind up coming in to calm my husband down which I have no recollection of any of that because I was I was busy but he was born sigh look over to my left and I see a little baby over there and he didn't register like that was my child like an immediately black out they had given me some medication to kind of knock me out so that I didn't have to sit and feel all the pain of them kind of put me back together and getting me ready to hold my baby eventually and so they've got me a lot a lot of drugs they had me on the proxy and percocet and a number of other things and so it's after midnight he was born at 12:07 seven pounds nine ounces and so I get back to my room and they hand me Leon and it still didn't register this is my baby I guess that was all the drugs all the adrenaline all the pain all the commotion by the time I'm holding him I was like you know and I look at him and like it was almost like scary you know it was like he knew I was his mom like he was just calm quiet and he was just like you know I feel like that was what was going on in his head like hi mama and I was looking at him the same way like and so in the end it was beautiful I think I'd probably have to make a wall separate video everything else to follow because you know you think that the birth and the pregnancy is the hard part until you have a little person to take care of but it's been beautiful and I've had struggles with my hormonal imbalance was part of depression breastfeeding recovery from major surgery while remaining graduate student and a wife and so it's been a long time since I've had that experience hence all the shaky timing details and I'm so sorry about that but the reason I decided to make this video is definitely not to haven't even feel bad for me or to feel that it's a contest of who's had the hardest deliveries that's definitely not at all what I mean to share in this video I mostly am sharing because I know that there's a lot of people out there and I've had very traumatic birthing experiences people who've had water births people who had natural person hospital people who've had midwives people had doctors nurses people who had elective cesarean as people who've had emergency caesareans people who have had forceps people have had all kinds of interventions to have their babies and I just wanted people to maybe hear a story that is hard and laborious but I was able to get through with the help of the doctors nurses and the entire team of professionals that helped me have my son my doctor shared with me afterwards that without my cesarean it's not likely that my son and I would have survived that Labour process so I'm grateful that I had my caesarean my little scar is okay with me and I want people to know that if your caesarean was emergency that whatever had to be done to get you healthy and your baby healthy that you are warrior and you deserve to feel like an exceptional individual for having your baby arrived however you have had your baby arrived and recovery is hard and long and take your time because I didn't I didn't take my time I rushed through my recovery I've pushed the limits of my recovery I pretended like I didn't have just just had major surgery and my body has thanked me for it I'm telling you I'm telling you to take your time and for those other warriors out there that have had a natural birth that have been seen as beautiful those that have had challenging pregnancies those have had a loss of children those that have had the loss of their mothers two choppers those that have needed additional surgery after their babies have been born I salute you honor you and I pray that we all find our recovery however we can and when we see our little babies whether they're our little angels that would go for us and give us a smile or whether there are babies that we hold in our arms that that'd be a reminder of the remarkable work that you've done and my story I guess if there's like a spectrum of like yay do dear god no mines in like over here and and I'm finally to a place where I can talk to talk about it without crying and feel grateful that it even happened at all so that I can have my little baby boy so I would like to thank you all so much for watching thank you for taking part in a little piece of my story and please let me know if you all will be interested in watching something about my postpartum journey my recovery my breastfeeding my postpartum depression or me in general so thank you so so much for watching and I will see you in the next one

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