I just want to go back to like me I'm so sick of being so tired this log was shortly after our chemical pregnancy but it was before I really knew what was going on with my body oh dear finally hi good morning so here's a little coffee brew and then talk oh my gosh this purple sports bra and this burgundy shirt oh yeah I am killing it you know when it comes to fat let me let the coffee brew and then I'll talk to you oh and I have this have this Maybelline what's it called hmm Maybelline fit me concealer no that's its foundation right Maybelline age rewind concealer under my eyes and I think it's doing something what do you think do you think so I think so if you don't think so and you think I sell circles under my eyes I probably do why is this open didn't that happen last time am I crazy yes are you why am I trying to talk over the coffee brewing that's really so annoying burn you know what here's the thing I'm still talking over the coffee brewing you know I just but seriously this concealer come on I think it does something the one that I got is not a color it's called brightener brightener I think that's what it's called I don't know oh it was in New Jersey and I needed makeup for this wedding and I was gonna get my makeup done but then I'm like no I'll just do it myself I can figure it out I got this I did not know what products to get so Thank You Courtney thank you Lisa and Thank You Sophia for helping me while I was in the aisle of Walgreens while the manager was staring me down anyway coffee mm-hmm am I gonna be overdramatic Harry yes I am I have my coffee mug filled with coffee yeah I have no sugar not only do I not have any sugar I just hit myself in the nose we have no creamer why did I do this to myself yesterday I had to have known Oh Jess you ran out of cream and sugar make sure you get some for your morning otherwise you're gonna be pissed now Lilly's awake I have to go get her and then I have to go luckily Mike's home but we're not here to talk about that today we're here to talk about the fact that I have no cream and no sugar what were we not here to talk about I don't know I have a full cup of black coffee here but it tastes like pure all right it was my moment I know I'm a drama queen let me be is my hair in my coffee my UNCHR Eames and sugared coffee okay let's go hey guys side well then come on here and just give you a little bit of context for those of you that don't have Instagram and don't already know this to explain why you're seeing a vlog from December 2018 this log was shortly after our chemical pregnancy but it was before I really knew what was going on with my body and you can see there's actually a moment where I don't think I knew that the camera was on you can see the frustration at me we kept some of those clips in because I want to put that out there that if you've gone through anything like this anything difficult in your life that there is a light at the end of the tunnel you can get out of it when I went back to it dug deeper into the footage and I just like I'm like I just have to upload this it's still just really happy and just fun vlog as per usual we always have fun if you guys want to continue to see like never before never-before-seen footage I could do that every once in a while it's like just think it's important to put that out there for anyone else that is ever felt like this and is wondering like is this normal all of us go through difficult moments you know just let me know in the comments below if there are no comments underneath of this vlog put a screen recording maybe right here you just have to slide over on my channel to the community tab and there will be a specific spot where you can comment as you usually do you can comment just the same I can heart just the same I can reply just the same it's just the comments may not be under this video they just maybe I'll put a spot specifically for this vlog in the community tab that make sense enjoy the vlog I love you guys so so much I also have a spot on my Instagram and my in stories where you can comment and ask questions and I'll answer them in my insta stories are you kidding me mc1 came I defend for being sick that's what I've been dealing with a lot the winter weather I'm just annoyed because you know it you just put on like a coat and you have to put on like all this stuff just to like go out of the house because it's it's cold and I have to put on a coat it's just annoying I'm not down with it I'm making this very negative and dramatic it's not I just need cream and sugar so let's just let's go while it ignore the amount of trash we have don't judge I hear you drive my phone yeah I just look phenomenal excuse me I make my own best coffee at home am I talking in accent I don't know but I need to fix my ponytail oh that's much better okay oh dear okay you need to tone my hair because it's just it's what is this yeah that camera is gonna fall in that's not good okay blinker we are not looking sugar oh my gosh I can't even grab that so that's not happening but I would love to thank you where's my car Oh Oh fun flat flat fun flat am i entertaining at all no I'm just singing and filming myself which I guess is a kind of weird oh this ponytail go it's a green arrow means go unbelievable not to what why are you honking at me ah okay enough [Applause] oh okay we have sugar my friends say Logan and me oh yeah we have liftoff so much yep just did that now we can start our day hey guy got like daddy she gives kisses to herself there you go home alone but I have a lot to do okay so let me just update you guys really quick we've been feeling I'm feeling really off motivation so tired so just like not as happy as I once was I almost like didn't want to admit that that's how I was feeling in the back of my mind I was thinking like maybe something else is wrong like I've just been feeling so unmotivated not just with YouTube with life with just I'm so tired I it's 11 o'clock right now and I'm so tired and I know like everybody said we are a mom you're tired yeah I'm tired to the extent of like I can't even explain how tired I get it's ridiculous I know that this is even though I haven't gone to the doctor I know that something is off I don't know how to explain this I don't know how to explain this I'm not gonna explain this right now she's upset because we're making her keep her bear bear in her bed now favor it's just for now night it's okay you to make your oatmeal yeah okay okay that's good did you see that yeah it's someone eating their sorrows away with lime tortilla chips oh you ripped that bag oh here we are oh okay what are we doing let's make your oatmeal okay one two three love this thing I know I've got many questions before this thing is from Little Helper they're amazing it's on Amazon I'll link it below you plays the dishes over here we do things over here we have a safe drawer for her right here it's amazing you have to get your little one one are you playing tricks at the bottom of save for later okay there's chips stuck to your sweater good job Oh Lily we're out of let's just sweep that onto the floor and I'll get it later yeah thanks well thank you it's the next day um not gonna lie yesterday I was so tired after the morning time long story short warm for short I have not been feeling good I've been feeling so off and I'm just ignored and I haven't said anything and I haven't I haven't said anything really to anyone I just kept it to myself I've been feeling depressed I've been feeling just not as happy as I once was I've been feeling so tired I can't even explain how tired I feel like right now I feel like I could go to bed for eight hours um it's hard to look back on this footage because this girl had no idea what else was to come and I was so frustrated with trying to explain without saying that we had a chemical pregnancy early miscarriage because I just didn't want to talk about that part but I wanted to put my feelings out there to see if there was anyone else out there that could understand I just think there's something wrong I don't know I've definitely seen happier days and don't know how I want to live I don't want to live like that I want to be happy and I haven't been like the happiest it's not like I'm lying I'm sappy and walking around sappy all the time sappy that word comes in waves and I used to just I used to go at it like especially when it comes to like YouTube and this doesn't have to deal with just YouTube but like when it comes to YouTube I love filming I love editing and I used to go at it so hard cuz I'm so tired I can't even look at the computer screen and I'm so just unmotivated and so I've just seen I've just been happier and I don't want to walk around living life like this I just I just want to go back to like me if that makes any sense and the parts that you see in the vlog are like when I'm not tired the parts that you don't see times are like right now like when I'm really tired sometimes I won't include that because like people I don't know I don't know what I'm saying and you're really nervous when I share certain things because I feel like people are gonna sound off in the comments and I'm like even scared to put that video up because I don't want to read anything negative and I don't want negative comments to control what I put in my videos and what I don't that's not fair that's not fair to me so I will not let that control what I share in what I don't share um and that just I just feel off I don't feel like I I once did I don't even know but as you put this in the blog I don't know I'm so tired right now I don't even feel like talking about it I have so much to do I don't feel like doing any of it really honestly I just don't I don't feel like doing any of it I want to throw up in a wall and go to bed for like 24 hours I'm so sick of being so tired I know I try to make you guys laugh and like I know I try to like make my vlogs fun be like you know and I was about to I don't know how to explain this so if you oh my oh I can't get my like words out right now um yes ignore what I have in my head but that's where it ended that vlog specifically but I do have a ton of more footage from all those months that I wasn't uploading but I did pick up my camera it's nothing I can't get through I can't get through and it's just really hard to watch back knowing what else I was about to go through so if you want to see any more of that just let me know in the comments below because I have a video of a bunch of different moments put together just to show anyone else out there that this this happened you know and you're not alone so please don't forget to comment if you have to go to the community tab and comment or if they're underneath this video please make sure to give it a thumbs up don't forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell thank you for watching understanding and being so sweet in the comments I love you guys there's bloopers so enjoy I didn't mean to do that it's snowing it's now it's focusing on one I like this where you know that shows up on your anyway know that I'm sorry I'm not sorry any of you to tell me that I'm annoying first of all it makes me want to be more annoying second of all um I don't care


  1. ⭐️Thank you so much for watching!
    📲Follow me on insta to keep up @jessicanicolefaust ! You guys mean the world to me! SHARE on your instastories📲 If you want! I appreciate your support more than you know!!!💛😘

  2. You already know I love you girl. I’m
    So happy you’re in a better place now ☀️ 💗 I love your vlogs

  3. First off. Drinking game! Take a shot every time Jess tightens her pony tail… just kidding don’t do this you’ll die. 😂😂😂

    Secondly, thank you for putting this out there and being so vulnerable. Going through seasons like this in life is what makes us stronger. It sucks and it’s terrifying when your going through it, but MAN does it feel good when you finally get on the other side of things. 💕

  4. Green arrow means Go!!! “unbelievable!” Your face and your face at the end of the bloopers😂😂😆

  5. My heart breaks for you love but im happy to see you in a better place now 🌞 The camera moving when you said annoying 😂😂

  6. Watching this takes me back to post partum from 2015-2017. It hurts to watch… but I know exactly what you felt. Thank u for bringing awareness to mental health 💓 it's REAL

  7. ☀️☀️☀️ you are such a strong person and your family is so beautiful! Those times are the hardest but they’re also good to look back on to show yourself how far you’ve come, I look forward to your videos just to see how your doing and honestly it gives me hope that one day too I can be someone looking back on the dark times in my life. Keep smiling girl, you’ve got this!💪💖

  8. Omg so glad my wifi is actually working while this video has gone up!!😭☀️ we just moved a couple weeks ago and I've been living like a pilgrim with awful wifi lol! But anyways love you jessica!!😘 I've missed your vlogs so much! I love that you can go back and share the realness, that must have been so hard. My heart goes out to you girl!!❤ Also totally random but you remind me SO much of Kate Hudson!! 😄

  9. Aww!! Jessica, I wish I was there during that time to give you a hug & tell you everything‘s going to be OK!!😢 I’m so proud of you!☀️☀️☀️

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