'Take Heart' A mum & daughter talk about Postpartum Psychosis

you to be honest I don't remember a big occasion of my mom sitting me down and saying this is what happened to you and you know x y&z I just vaguely remember when I was about 14 and mom was sort of telling me that she had bipolar disorder and and then I think since then it's just been a general kind of thing that's come into my consciousness like it wasn't a big oh my gosh you know you know I just sort of thought oh ok mmm and then as I got older I'd asked more you know what does that mean and asked about her experiences and part of that was her saying that she had trouble after I was born and it just naturally kind of came out in conversations with her that she said you know that she got ill after I was born and she told me that she had this strange hallucination about my teddy bear or something and and then she said that she had to go into hospital and so we went to go there and and she told me that I wasn't breastfed because she had to go on to her drugs and but it's never you know I've never ever thought oh you know mom wasn't with me and you know she didn't care about me or anything like that I can honestly say just never crossed my mind and I know that when she was in hospital my dad looked after me and my auntie's looked after me and so it's not like I you know I wouldn't remember anyway but it's not like now I think who was just this baby you know left alone and mom didn't want to be with me so I really don't think you know it was a problem her telling me and she didn't make a big deal out of it which she didn't sit me down and really you know go into detail it's just something that I became aware of and I learnt more about as time went on when I have my daughter etty I didn't feel any problems of bonding or anything else sighs absolutely besotted with her I was sort of very keen to breastfeed and I was up all night I can remember sitting in the bathroom singing away to her and and so there was no problem of me having a bad relationship with her as I began to get ill but of course it came to the point after about a week or so when I was quite ill that I had to go into hospital and I didn't I particularly didn't want her to come with me because I knew she'd be very well looked after at home and I didn't want her in that environment in the psychiatric hospital so I didn't feel that our relationship suffered I was in hospital for about four or five weeks and the last couple of weeks my husband brought her in to see me quite a bit and obviously when I was in hospital I really missed her and you know it was quite I was very sad about not being able to breastfeed and feeling kind of guilty and bad about that but when I went home and sort of thing I've got into the rhythm of doing the bottles and all that kind of thing and start and was getting gradually better I didn't have any difficulties of wanting to look after her or you know feeling alienated from her in any way I know that my mum's told me that she had a lot of guilt with the fact that she wasn't with me in the first month and to look after me and that she couldn't breastfeed me and she worried about you know the effect that would have on me but I just like to say to any moms out there that you know I'm proof that it has an effect of me I'm feeling fine you know I've done well at school I have a good relationship with mum and I really don't think that any of those things has any effect on me now and mum has been a great mom to me and made up for anything that happened then so it's all fine you

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