The Asia Project "Bathtub" (A Miscarriage Poem)



the shower has been running for over an hour when I find her she is sitting cross-legged the far end of the bathtub and without looking up she says the blood is finally slowed down these were the first words she spoken since the hospital I'm sure she's been reading speak until now at least hear the water singing down her face just no way for me to tell if she's been crying she says remind me tomorrow to cancel the baby registry what am I supposed to say I'm supposed to be good with words but right now his advicing rivers making its way towards rain and I can't get my tongue to paddle a subspace back into her womb where we left our happiness yesterday I read the story of a 12 year old boy lots of two years in the bathroom life switch covered with duct tape to keep him from turning on the lights when they found him he was too weak to climb out of the bathtub on his own before that I read the story of a three year old child hung upside down and beaten with a frying pan then left to die on the floor while his parents on the air mattress next to him before that I read the story of a six-year-old girl without the only way to overcome the bullying was to hang up in junk room at what point did she feels so ignored she thought the only way to be heard was to turn that jump into a cord tied that cord around her voice and to it to the heavens and play telephone with God sweet sweet girls if only my wife would have heard you she would have answered that problem she would have shown you how to use that jump rope properly it's why I don't tell her these stories of these children born into monsters afraid to sleep in the dark because the only reminder is a nightlight we fought for the nursery that will never be used even one of those Night Lights tonight of the ceiling with tiny stars mad nights we slept in each other's harm our bodies entwining trophies of native infinity because that's how thousand dialed up the silence the only words of comfort I could muster in October will defeat the best and an uncle to everyone else kids like this with some sort of consolation prize sometimes the maximum that the child wanted nothing more than a safely one the other our parents married a crib that will never get to resemble my god do you not see this and you not do something to put the distance or at least tell me what to say to my wife to lift her up in an empty Oh heavy commotion in English collapsible corner of our bathtub that Sunday sat in church with my arms crossed against over the fire on her knees and surrender telling me that sometimes the only way out is to hit the ground that whispers players which have been further than my screen two years into this now one sitting round like each player on top of the other until it was high enough to pierce the clouds finally he answered disgust appearing in the window of that positive pregnancy test and now I am bent over the same bathtub I found four years before giving me two year old son fast he splashes water on the floor laughs when I get angry and when we finish when I totally put his bath toys away it gives us each one just before he drops it into the basket he knows how to love because he is loved knows how to love because he is loved I pray every child could be as lucky

4 Replies to “The Asia Project "Bathtub" (A Miscarriage Poem)”

  1. This is my poem…. we miss our baby

    My princess that couldnt be.

    My baby girl, my sweet angel.

    My baby couldnt be.

    My sweet princess.
    My serenity just why couldnt she be?

    Maybe we weren't strong enough.
    Maybe we didnt see, the whole of gods plan.

    but why couldnt our baby be?

    I miss her, but never met her.

    Why couldnt our baby be?

    I can see her hair, i can hear her play. running all around and Asking me "daddy daddy, please come read"

    I wish i could baby, but you just wernt meant to be.

    But i love you so, and just always know youll always be baby to me.

    Our sweet child of serenity,
    Our babys name you see.
    We'll miss you so, so much but you just wernt be.

    and we love you so and hopfully one day we get to see, our sweet sweet baby that just wasent ment to be.

    But just why couldnt our baby be?

    we'll meet you one day and then you see, youll be our baby to be.

    But for now we'll try to continue
    Never mind our loss, and
    Its all because god said. "This baby isnt ment to be"

    But We love you tough, just always know, youll always be
    Baby to me.

  2. This poem is so heartbreaking but beautiful. Stay strong to anybody facing miscarriages, but also know that adoption can be a beautiful thing ❤️

  3. no one understands how much I love the asia project. iv worn my "breathe" bracelet ever since I got it at apca. haven't taken it off since

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