TTC Plans After Second Miscarriage?


it feels like a movie I mean I’m still
bathing washing my fans putting her makeup put in the inside I feel like a
bum II person and like yoga pants and a fluffy sweater my hair not combed and my
teeth not brushed and a beer I don’t know where I got a beard for puzzle Hi! Thanks for clicking on Simply Tanika
I am Tanika if you are new here welcome hit that subscribe button let’s hang out
awhile if you are returning welcome back what’s up fertility fam we got to do
what lets get those babies ladies there are worse things I could be doing
so I get there what how I gotta get through it
and I gotta be honest it’s been challenging it’s been challenging in my
personal life it’s been challenging adding YouTube on top of it I know some
of you guys would like do you feel like you shared too soon
absolutely I said that if Applejack didn’t make it I was gonna drink this so
I drink it long after I thought I would luckily I had the instinct to not drink
it the day that I got the first negative but yeah that’s happened I’m still
working on Apple Jacks more Mario we’re planning it I think I want to take the
ultrasound of one they were putting Applejack back inside of me and have
that put on a print or on a canvas and save that and put together like some
little keepsake so I got a box and I was at the stationery store because last
week I got stuff for Valentine’s Day for blue and he likes boxes um he ends up
storing stuff in them so I got him a box with his gift instead of like a gift bag
or a picker and I got a little white box you’re gonna put keepsakes from the
journey like the peachy – and all that from the creation of Applejack no I want
to do something I’m just kind of getting the pieces together I don’t know exactly
what I’m gonna do that thank you to all you guys who reached out to me and who
said that you prayed for Applejack and whether you reached out or not I felt
your love and support and it’s meant the world to me it really has
I don’t want to cry but thank you it’s been a crazy ride hi tomorrow video is gonna go by we just
finished editing it well two days ago and that time I was still taking my
supplements and watching my way I haven’t watched my way to have it on
scale I know I’ve gained something because my pants are tighter
well I’m also wearing like wool tights to climb up because it’s cold hair it’s
been like 4 degrees in here it’s a warmer – there was like 45 so I don’t
know if I should say I let myself go but my garden focus on at some point
Saturday or Sunday let’s have that be definitive Saturday
or something we’re gonna go together it feels like a movie I mean I’m still
bathing washing my face better makeup in the inside I feel like a bunny person
and like you know the pants and a fluffy sweater my hair not combed and my teeth
not brushed and a beer and look where I got a beard for Glasser it feels like
yeah there is no formula recipe but this is what it is and I was like I wasn’t
sure what kind of content or whatnot but this is what’s happening and maybe some
of you guys have gone through it or not but this is what the face of infertility
is looking like for me and I know I’ll be okay on the other
side I know I’ll be stronger for I got everyone’s like God wouldn’t give me
anything you couldn’t handle sometimes I think he trusts me too much ma’am ma’am
and I know some of you guys have asked am I gonna do it again I’m not in a
place emotionally to answer that you’re eating when I’m eating not taking your
cell phone where it’s not sleeping while not exercising doesn’t scream mommy to
me and IVF is like the Olympics you got to be in shape like mentally physically
you’ve ever be in shape and I’m not there and I’m not ready to start
training so yeah of course I’m not the baby that’s all yikes I don’t know that
it’s all that neat either because if someone loses a child that’s been born
like a 2 or 3 year old I don’t know that you tell them right away to go have
another baby and there’s a part of me that’s morning applejack excuse me
that morning is not going to be remedied by TT seeing again that’s like an extra
level of stress so I’ve got to figure out the morning for Applejack and that
loss before I can say I’m ready to start again before I can mentally even say I’m
ready to suit up and get back in the game I’m hoping the memorial will give
me clarity not clarity so that I can figure out if I’m gonna TTC clarity so
that I have peace of mind yeah I need peace of one and I don’t have a right
now so you have any tips or tricks yeah I’m
gonna target all the other girls in there too it’s like everybody’s in there
to wait except for me talking about how to get through and cleaning and where
maybe I should look at it it’s like I’m in a perpetual to the glare right now
because things are just on hold there will be a lot of cleaning it will all be
document it I told doesn’t do that call marine method your name is Marie Conda
why it’s called call Maria maybe it’s a configuration because she’s Japanese and
they flip it I don’t know but that’s going down it’s gonna take about 30 days
I’m gonna start with the clothing I’ll explain that more in another video I’ve
not been drinking by the way I don’t know why fuck impulsive but I haven’t
been being so in tonight I just figure out what day warm is or day zero because
after day zero is day one so maybe sorrow is day zero and Sunday
is day one I’m not having any more pity parties not eating waffles at 8:30 at
night it’s 9:30 1:25 just not famous so where’s my mom
watches oh she’s in the back why are you eating or talking no yoga this week yoga
instructors out of town for the next two weekends so I guess she’s back after
presidents holiday president again I just feel like rudderless or no wait I
don’t know the direction to know how the Jurchen and I certainly have well it’s
painfully obvious I have made my life all about
TTC because now that is it happen I don’t really have anything to do I’m
sort of like rudderless like I’m gonna get the ice cream I’ll be back okay
yeah so I have absolutely no plan so that’s okay
so it’s gonna have to be okay I’m just gonna accept myself are you happy
reading this book though codependent no more because I did have the sense and
one of the therapist that I saw the one I like I need to make a new boy woman
doctor say it’s um had suggested that it might be codependent when I felt like
that really surfaced in my response to the reactions because could have been a
try to control the behavior of other people among other things
I don’t want oversimplify I have a father who’s an alcoholic he’s passed
away typically children of chemically dependent parents are codependent or
other sorts of dysfunction they also get into abusive relationships or unhealthy
relationships innervation fix that person or they have one relationship so
I have some tendencies I’ve dated what I’ve always described as unavailable men
whether they were unavailable literally as in they were married
or on the veil or emotionally so it’s not form I think of the co-defendants
there are some sort of you know I’m gonna make them better
although I don’t know if I want to make the merry minute better I think it’s
even just in the homework no one expects you to be serious if I double I didn’t
wanna be serious but I can play the martyr
so do it I don’t know if I have any answers for it but I’m definitely
reading it I’m doing some self-help I’m exploring I think for the first time you
long time that his sworn before I’m like take off on a path I wouldn’t understand
what’s going on I want to make a full assessment and make a decision based on
the information that I have now I’m not the same person I was before I’m yeah
not the same person that was a year ago and so what does Tanika look like going
forward what does she need that’s what oh here I have to figure out and yeah I
don’t know I don’t know what I need I just know I’m different I know that I’m
different and so I probably should go back to therapy or at least go see
Michael sands and then figure it out yeah so I’m doing that I think I’m gonna
buy the book the coumarine method because I’ve been watching it on Netflix
I watched your episode didn’t I don’t know if I got it all obviously that’s
for entertainment purposes it’s edited for entertainment purposes so I did the
full experience but but it was also like in the New York Times someone wrote
about it Lorna’s oh no it was GQ she a woman it was a woman but she won’t
forget cusack you know it she didn’t buy a doll because one of the things is like
you have to like if you get rid of your clothes when we look at your clothes you
put everything out of it make a big pile and then each piece you decide if it
brings you joy or not and so the author was kind of making fun of that but not
only do you have to figure out if it brings you joy but no longer brings you
joy and has to leave but you think it and I don’t know why I’m doing this is
what she did I’m not being like racist hopefully that’s not racist this is what
she did in the video does it bring you joy that doesn’t bring
you joy you think it thank you for your service thank you for clothing me or
keeping me warm or whatever it was because it served the purpose and then
you put it in the to-go pile ba-da-ba if it’s going to charity or
trash or whatever you put it in that pile and google on to the next piece the
author laughed at the thinking if she did it and then she says like some
people have like their relationships changed their boughs or clothes after it
was all over which I guess means you were very anal or holding on to
something but I want to have the full experience of it and so I want to get
the book so a lot of reading I’m doing a lot of meaning to pass the time I’m
gonna start doing a lot of cleaning yeah but day by day day by day its
burden not quite a month yet so it can be to hire myself it’s not a thing that
you just like some bathroom or this I know if you do I’m not judging you
um we’re all different this isn’t my journey my story all right that’s all I
don’t think you guys need to see me have a milkshake right is that how the look
that works you eat everything um I’m probably the mix there with the banking
of the ice cream but off camera definitely under finish my diet coke and
I’m gonna watch some more YouTube so that’s all I have going on I’m so glad
that all of you guys who make videos make the videos think it definitely
helps it’s either that or I watch a bunch of Chris Watts videos the guy who
is pregnant wife and two children so TTC videos are much more uplifting
and hopeful even when we don’t get our desired outcome because we’ve all been
there it’s all relatable being in the two-week way testing and testing and
waiting waiting for heartbeat all those rings are so relatable so
thank you ladies yes sir and pumpkins of doing 60 and Tanya from our Tanya her
wife’s Italian Tanya from Tanya and we are with you ladies we have walked in
your shoes we are walking society we are holding your hand and for all of you
ladies who are walking beside me and holding my hand oh my god
thank you so much thank you so much I feel you love you I appreciate you I
still believe in my heart of hearts that our babies are waiting I still believe
that so despite all the pain and the despair and the drama I don’t think it’s
for nothing how it all ends I obviously don’t know but I believe we’ll be
stronger and wiser on the other side this will not break us but we get to
have a moment it’s on a very good job market right hmm all right ladies I will
talk to you later baby does to you

25 Replies to “TTC Plans After Second Miscarriage?”

  1. Thank you for showing the face of infertility. Many of us are inclined to TTC to remedy our loss but it’s not the answer. I’ve had 3 recurrent losses(all trying to the numb the pain of the previous). I’m now learning to mourn those babies and when all is well mentally, physically, emotionally etc I will try again. Sending prayers of healing and restoration❤️

  2. Such a hard pill to swallow. Just follow your intuition luv. 🌻

    I suffered a cervical ectopic in 2010 and the only advice I can give is to cry as often as you need too! Also talk to him. He hear’s you mama. ❤️ Took me about 4 months to be able to leave the house and 2 years to completely heal to the point of being able to talk about it without breaking down in tears. You’ll get there. xx

  3. I lost my Judy at 19 weeks in August,I don't even remember life for the first 2 months afterwards. It's devastating all around either way.

  4. Yes, I have 2 children with previous relationship 16 & 27. I am now married to a much younger man for last 5 years and have had 3 miscarriages…the last being twins which gutted me and wanted answers…we went to RE and both tested and found no answers except donor eggs. the doctor says just have sex. I didnt even think of IUI, and I am like you on the donor eggs. I just supplement and letting nature take its course…But your journey is yours. I can't lie and say its going to be okay, because it's an emotional rollercoaster. We just have to believe if this is the plan that God wants for us, then so be it. Your videos give me hope and inspiration.

  5. Hi- I've just begun following your journey as I am in my first cycle of IVF. I've been doing a lot of research for myself (I've gotten pretty obsessive with it). Have you considered a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) or and Endo Scratch (Endometrial Scratch)? I've been reading success rates are a bit higher for FET and an Endo Scratch helps a bit with implantation.

    Wishing you best of luck with your rainbow baby.

  6. I love watching Konmari declutters! It sounds so touchy-feely when you first learn about it can be really be transformative and brings peace into your life. Can’t wait to see your videos.

  7. To me, if you want a baby more than a blood relation, an donated egg or embryo is a way. You have said that was not an option for you. Since at age 47 pregnancy is rare, and often genetic abnormality, it is sort of like hoping to get struck by lightning and paying a lot for the hope. It is your choice but just because we desire something badly ( husband, high paying job, etc) it may just be an unrealistic hope. I am not trying to be mean. Just the way I see it. Do what you want of course.

  8. Your video helps me cope with my emotions as today was so disappointing for me, we were hoping I was pregnant but is no longer the case so onto the next month, I feel so sad 😞 another let down. I watch a lot of your videos and I believe in you 100% Thank you for being so open and honest 🌹

  9. Hello … Jus wanted to comment cause … Well wanna jus say YOU ARE AMAZING! Thanx for sharing even thou it’s hard to. Much Love 💕

  10. Just wanted to say I'm happy to see you eating whatever you want …we deprive ourselves of so many things to get ourselves in the best shape for baby…and sometimes we need to take a break for a little while. After both of my losses I ate a few burgers…ice cream and Coffee…omg it made me feel "normal " again for a little while. I love your videos and the way you approach the ttc journey. I hope you find clarity to light your path forward.
    Sending blessing and hugs 🙏❤

  11. Loved the mukbang! I think you should take time for you if that’s eating waffles or going to the gym, you deserve this time for you…by the way the waffle looks amazing 😉

  12. You are so strong. To suffer a loss will have a profound effect on anyone. When you are ready you will get back on the horse and you will do what you have to do.
    Sending tons of hugs.

  13. Keep praying and believing that you will carry your beautiful, healthy baby soon. You will attend his wedding and see your grandchildren and you will be in good health. Keep the Faith. The Lord will strengthen you. Amen

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