Unscripted: What Postpartum Depression Looked Like for Me



I see the copy I think you have to copy you know so today we did something totally different and ditched the script and I shared kind of an emotional take on my journey with postpartum depression and I hope it encourages any of you guys and if anything it has made me love and cherish this little darling even more because you gotta fight for it sometimes so I just looked up my husband and they said I can't do it I just don't have it in me and we had another video planned and he said Caroline why don't you forget the camera and forget the script ditch the script forget the lights and just speak from the heart so that's kind of what I'm gonna do today and make it a little emotional but we're just gonna do an unscripted chat on postpartum specifically postpartum depression and I've never really shared much of the story just because I feel like it's my story and I really needed to navigate this season before really talking about it but I know everyone's experience is so different and so this is just my experience and my story and what I really want to encourage you on today is that if baby blues or postpartum depression postpartum anxiety is something that you are struggling with or have struggled with or maybe will struggle with in the future and you don't even know that yet is know that it does not define you it doesn't define your role as a mom or as a woman and it's a part of your story and I believe it's a part of your story for a reason but it doesn't make you a bad person I mean you love your sweet little baby any less if anything in my personal experience it really just made me love her more because I had to fight harder and so kind of what happened is for those of you that haven't followed me for a while you know I had a really really difficult pregnancy for a lot of reasons quite honestly my pregnancy was like hell um and I don't use that word lightly and it was so hard because I was so thankful to be given the gift of life and to be carrying life and I was truly thankful for that but it was a a really big season that star ball and so initially post part of my folk rate I felt amazing and I was so thankful for that besides being a little bit tired I would say honestly the first few months were pretty easy as easy as they can be and then about four months postpartum I started getting some PTSD like symptoms from pregnancy so I get really nauseous food just sounded gross anything the only thing I wanted to eat was like peanut butter and toast which was funny that was all I can eat pretty much my entire pregnancy um and even thought it wasn't when I was pregnant – the pregnancy test that wasn't the case and I just had all these like PTSD like flashbacks from pregnancy and so that's kind of how this whole situation started and then I would say it moved into more like a postpartum anxiety I would get I would just like want to be with Remington all the time and hold her and take care of her and I thought I was the only one that could take care of her and I would get upset about little things like what she was wearing stuff that like it didn't even matter and then it definitely moved into more of postpartum depression for me so it was kind of more of a slow onset and it took me a while to even want to admit it I think I kind of realized it was something I was struggling with for well over a month before um I've been opened up to my husband to talk about it and once I did just like admit like this is what's going on it was it didn't change my situation but it was so freeing just to be like yes I'm struggling with and I'm gonna admit it and then we're gonna get help and move on and so for me I know that everyone's postpartum anxiety depression all that can look really different but for me I just felt really removed like I would hear my daughter playing giggling with others and I just felt like I was this outsider um like I was on the outside of the house and I couldn't participate and I couldn't just live life and so that was really hard I remember one time even just looking at her and feeling like I couldn't like really look at her and that was definitely music that was definitely when it was at its worst um so let's definitely my experience and so that was definitely when it was at its worst and it's thankfully um I started getting help working with a really great therapist and again just admitting that this was something I was struggling with was definitely probably like the biggest step in the healing process for me something that also really helps me um was just being okay with where it was at and being okay with this is just a season of life yes it's a rough season but it is just as Ethan in knowing that this season in life didn't define my entire role as a wife and some mother and it's a woman and that's a businesswoman um this didn't define me it was just a season of life and just accepting that was hard and being okay with that it was hard and I didn't have to like be joyful every single moment I could live through this heart season another thing that really helped me was just having super focused one-on-one time with Remington so we went to weekly swim class together and every morning and evening and afternoon we would have really intentional focus like one-on-one playtime without any distractions and he phoned I need to do and that quality time really helped me heal so know that you're not alone in this struggle if this is something you're struggling with definitely reach out to me or other women you might know that have struggled with this seek help know that you're not weak for getting help and I hope that part of my story can encourage you that you can get through the heart seasons

2 Replies to “Unscripted: What Postpartum Depression Looked Like for Me”

  1. Love your heart. I too struggled with postpartum depression. I’ve yet to tell my story, but I’m grateful you told yours!

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