Why I created a youtube channel: postpartum depression & anxiety

hey guys welcome back to my channel my name is Jules Michelle and today I'm doing a video on why I started a YouTube channel um there's different reasons why it's hard for me to kind of admit some of it but I'm going to I post partum I've mentioned that in few of my videos right now I'm almost five months postpartum during this postpartum I has been very different than my last most postpartum I have hit like postpartum depression I'm number of times and sometimes I feel that I'm still fighting it off I there's nothing that's even making me unhappy I love my children I love that they're close in age I don't have any regrets they are very beautiful and they are the biggest blessing and joy in my life but I do get overwhelmed and with having a newborn and well now he's five months old almost I can't believe that he's like the size of a three-month-old he is tiny so to me I feel like he's still a newborn and I'm having a two-year-old such clothes such close in age it is difficult I did not know what that meant to have kids close in age whenever I decided to do that do I have regrets no what I do it again yes I love that my kids are close in age and I love that they will grow up to be close together be able to play together and all that so it would be worth it this is just temporary all the feeling of being overwhelmed and whatnot I know it's just temporary and I'll make it through it but sometimes I'm left with the decision that night to go to bed or have a long time and I found myself just going to bed early I'm so so tired and so I never felt I had time to myself and I started falling into a more depression and then I would have time for myself and then I get enough sleep and so then that will result into depression so I had to break even have some nights where I go to bed early and some nights I had to stay up and have some a little time watch TV but I wanted a extra activity to kind of get my mind off things to make me stay off my phone not have to watch TV something different and I decided to do YouTube I decided to play with makeup I love playing with makeup there were days that I would buy something new and just at my vanity do my makeup just because my husband's like well where you going you don't go anywhere I that's true I'd Ont where that's another reason I'll discuss in a minute and why I don't go anywhere um I don't tell I'm just playing with makeup I don't know so um yeah there's a reason why I don't go out very much is because I have social anxiety I don't like being out in public I'd rather stay home I love to just stay home and I know that's not doing any good for my children they need to go out but um that's another reason is just having the social anxiety and not one I don't if you knew me in person you know that I'm shy I'm quiet unless you like really know me then I'm just goofy as hell but um ooh sorry real and I said the word hell marry um but raised my niece and she watches my videos so yeah I probably should be careful what I say even though that's not technically a customer just don't go around saying that Iran your house anyways um if you if he knew me you knew that around people I'm very quiet I'm very my face is very uh straight I must say rest resting straight face so I don't say any cuss words and I can come off as stuck-up I just don't like to call attention to myself and so it'd be weird that I would make it youtube to call attention to myself but that's the point that was for me to step out of the box too open myself up to get over my issues in my head of that I've had that my whole life where I don't want tension to myself I don't like public speaking I don't want to be around people I've never had a big group of friends even that church I had like no friends um it's just who I've been my whole life I wanted to say or at least since I've lived in Central Florida I used to live in Miami Florida and I think I did have a lot of friends there and that was weird but I came here and things changed and I don't know what it was the change of people are different I don't know I was so much different than everybody else I was I've always been since being here and Central Florida boys been very awkward and that's okay and I think that's why my husband and I get along so well or know the best for each other because he doesn't like being out in places and he likes to stay home so I don't think he keeps in xiety and all that that's just me I'm just crazy but um yeah so those are a couple reasons why you know I want to put myself out there more and I love playing makeup and then I want something else to do so to help me get my mind off things going on my head with my depression and just I have fun making these videos and even though the qualities have sucked and I'm not rich and can buy a whole bunch of I don't know everything new that comes out that's not gonna happen I'm gonna continue doing makeup tutorials and every now and then pick up something to put on the channel and I hope that more people keep watching and that's okay I'm just going to keep making them even just for me as kind of like a journal to see what I did to kind of pick myself back up and you know I just couldn't accept all these years I have accepted who I was that that's just me I'm quiet I don't like talking to people I don't like being around people I've showed social anxiety like I just accepted it and that's not okay because I think us as human beings you know especially adults you know your flaws and if you don't then figure it out because you always have room to grow and that was my thing was I wanted to grow from it I wanted to break out of that and to change and I think that's a big part of learning so much learning so much as an adult is you know constantly trying to make yourself better and that's what I'm trying to do so I know this video is kind of cut short I'm filming out like 1 o'clock in the morning because I filmed a July favorites and then I thought it was a photo and my camera and I accidentally deleted it and I cannot just get everything back up and do that again so what I'm gonna do is I'm going to go ahead and post this video because I've been wanting to do this video anyways I just didn't know when and then my next video I think is gonna be a pac-man what and while collaboration unboxing and Tryon it's like the whole collection I got it so that will be on Thursday on the moduli favorite should be for Monday because I will redo it I hope the lighting looks good and I really tried oh the camera sorry my neck ages with this choker choking me I hope that the camera is better quality it shoots HD my other one didn't I stole my other one got this one and got these lights the only thing I'm missing now is a microphone for my camera the other microphone that I had for the my what I was using before doesn't is that compatible with this camera so now I'm looking to another solution for this camera because I do love this camera I'm keeping it I got good deal I'll say also this is what it's gonna be I hope you guys enjoyed this video I hope you keep watching and support and hit the like button and subscribe and I will see you later bye

One Reply to “Why I created a youtube channel: postpartum depression & anxiety”

  1. Hi I'm almost 4 months pp suffering with ppd/ppa I suffered with my last 3. thanks for this video makes me feel less alone

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