Why I Decided to Have a HOME BIRTH after 3 C Sections?



all right it's Erica and I wanted to do a video on how I decided to have a home birth after three c-sections I really want to start off the series of how I you know my labor delivery story all of that with just breaking it up because it's a lot of parts basically and I don't want to make a super long video because they act like they do require detail into how I came to this decision and I really feel like the details matter so I'm just gonna start with the fact that I've had three c-sections and for a fourth natural home birth and I want to kind of share with you all how I got to that decision how were my birth experiences in the past and stuff like that so my first baby was born in 2013 and I had a beautiful perfect breakfast see cookie cutter pregnancy it was my heart it was I didn't have morning sickness it was like the easiest pregnancy so I just assumed that I was gonna have an easy labor I wasn't educated about births I wasn't educated about natural birth I wasn't about much of these things I honestly just went in with how my mom's Labor's went with me and my sister which was they went super fast she'd never had time for epidural so I just thought I'd be the same way I just never been I didn't even want that but dural and stuff like that I just was like what that's my mom there so I'm gonna do it like that just very naive and ignorant to what hospitals are in the burp experience and stuff like that so I was three days no one was it one day it was three days I was three days past due so I was approaching 14 week 41 weeks slowly and basically I went in to get checked because I thought my water was leaking it was it I ended up I'll just make it a summary I ended up getting misdiagnosed as being dilated and when they started me on being induced they thought I was dilated but I think it was maybe about five six hours later the doctor came in to check me and said actually I wasn't dilated so that caused a series of interventions because they went in thinking I was dilated thinking my body was ready to have her and it wasn't so we started with oh let's just have her contract now let's have her try to dilate what an up happening was I started hemorrhaging kid ELISA cozies in the back right out hemorrhaging and blood lots of blood loss ended up just sleeping waking up to blood again the doctors came in checked I could tell something was wrong minutes later doctors come rushing in Santa need to get around now they don't have time for epidural my husband was in the cafeteria they put me to sleep I woke up for God I even had a baby forgot I even I was in so much pain and I was so drugged up I don't remember it's like I woke up and didn't even realize I had a baby because I was in so much pain he's going to be out of pain and then once I kind of was like in and out of reality I'm like wait where's my baby but wait I'm in so much pain so that was the foundation of me and birth in hospitals and that's a very important aspect to me because your previous birth experience is going to affect your future birth experience and I didn't know that so so yeah that's how it was it was honestly it was it was very traumatic but I didn't realize it because when you're in those moments all you care about is getting your baby but once you kind of die off of that and you have your baby again soda into life you start to think about the experience and you realize it wasn't that good but now it's like probably months later years later days later you're out of the hospital and it's just like that wasn't right but it's too late now so that's kind of how it was but I didn't think it affected me so then I got pregnant well four months later unexpectedly with my second I think well yeah I tempted this is what happened I remember I wanted to do a feedback but I could not find anybody to do a feedback that close together any hospitals because I thought about were hospitals at this time so I'm just like whatever no yeah I messed up so much information so please excuse my mind the only hospital that would allow me to do AV back was the hospital that I delivered Katie yeah and that's how traumatized I was gonna look back that I wouldn't even try it I said well I'm just not gonna happen to be back if that's my only option I was just getting a c-section so I was so whole different Hospital just to have another c-section because that's how traumatized I was from that experience and so I end up just you know scheduling a c-section having a c-section everything went grey everything went smoothly then about around two years later almost two years later and I'm getting pregnant with my third and I just knew I was gonna have a be back with her I did so much research I did so much prep work y'all like May I found a hospital that was an advocate of natural birth and an advocate of B backs and stuff like that what else I was just really I got into a lot of weird things and that's a whole lot of it for another day but I got into like a lot of weird spiritual type stuff we're not gonna go there but yeah just so I could have this wonderful be back experience and the reason so I went in with high hopes that I knew I was gonna be back so I started in labor naturally I was so happy I was so excited and we ended up going to the hospital early just me going there just to check to see how without really far from the house but I want to be close this is the thing I was very fearful of not being close to the hospital so it was causing like I gotta leave that hospital so I'm in labor but I'm just like we're too far we're too far so we end up getting a hotel trying to get close to the hospital I wasn't comfortable things were going on the background that were not making me comfortable basically my body would not dilate anymore it got to one and a half and it stopped there and it for 30 hours I and I was like in legit like contractions i dilate and so I just got so exhausted I was how I was no sleep that whole time I could not sleep they were trying to give me drugs but I was just I just made me groggy but I still couldn't sleep I was over it I was frustrated I was mad because I thought I had it all this work just to get here and it's not going any type of textbook or a cookie cutter way like I was just so mad so I just threw in the towel and say I'm done give me a c-section I'm over it and it was kind of like I was at peace with it because during my pregnancy my husband got a vasectomy and I knew this was my last baby and even though I wanted her to be that vaginal birth to kind of end the journey I I was like whatever it don't matter right now I'm so frustrated irritated with my body right now I'm over it and so but the thing that kind of gave me peace of mind as well was we waited to find out her gender so that only was on label 4:30 hour plus hours I was also trying to figure out her gender so I'm like hurry up like I'm mad like it was just like a bunch of chaotic emotions so I'm like you know what I'm not going through some war give me the c-section I'm not gonna get pregnant more it's the last one I just watching my baby at this point I'm over it so you're probably surprised that I said I have four baby yes so six bucks postpartum I'm breastfeeding I'm just like you know just enjoying life with trying to just with three kids and get it to a new norm and stuff like that and the first time that I found out I was pregnant was my milk supply dropped like Kenny my third baby named skinny diapers were completely dry she wasn't pooping for like the whole day and I could feel in my breast that they were not getting like full like the weight that they usually were and I just knew my milk was going away and I'm like why does it come you know like I was freaking out I was frustrated I was crying because I loved breastfeeding but I was under watch it just going away and so I'm ever just like maybe I just can't breastfeed that long my first two babies only breastfed them what the first one for the second was five so I'm like maybe my this is just the cap I don't in my mind cuz I'm not thinking pregnancy Alex my husband had a perception I'm not even thinking it's not even a thought in my mind that I'm pregnant I'm just like my body's just acting weird so this Lucas I was very tired very very tired the thirst I was I get this weird feeling after intercourse TMI but hey we're talking about childbirth I get this weird feeling when they're intercourse and I remember sitting there because my husband went to the he did everything while I was pregnant the vasectomy getting checked he was sterile everything so we were in the clear after I had her so when I felt that feeling which I know the feeling I was literally sitting there like there is no way I'm pregnant but I cannot say that this feeling is not for real so I remember googling that night like what are the chances of me getting pregnant and it was 0.15% job with all the things that we followed the guidelines that we follow and I'm just like there's no way I'm praying I'm like there's no way but when I feel that feeling with all my baby's going I feel that feeling I'm pregnant so I'm just like okay I remember talk to my husband the next day like what if I I've been perhaps attach them hypothetically like what if I was pregnant and he was like oh my what would you do what would you say and he said I would be like he was so positive like well honestly it would be so much purpose and reason behind it because you shouldn't be pregnant so if you did get pregnant it would probably be a good thing you know stuff like that and I was like well honestly I think I'm pregnant I'm like I feel this feeling in my body I feel I feel it and the only thing holding me back right now is that confirm me as his pregnancy test i but I think I'm pregnant and when I told him that I actually thought I was pretty young he almost fell out he was fed only in the bathroom on the tub and when I told him he kind of like like wait I thought you were just talking about some Ohio situation I'm like nah dude I was transitioning and I think I'm really pregnant so that night we got the test and I took that test on my just test just from the confirm that I'm crazy we're gonna move on and when I take my test I take my test I set him on the counter and I walk out wait a few minutes and I come back and look yeah when I seen that test like when I say I almost like passed out like I felt like my body just like what I just I remembering that coming back to me that feeling of just being like what what like what you think that you have control like so when I look at the second we just knew we were have any more kids not am I just pregnant after the SEC knee but I'm pregnant six months postpartum like what so it was hard job I wouldn't accept it until we went to go get it checked like at the doctor office I wouldn't even accept it cuz I'm like there's no way there's no way and so when they did they showed me that is the ultrasound it was this great place called the pregnancy a clinic that really helps they have biblical beliefs about pregnancy and that's what I needed at that time because I I was really upset and really frustrated because I knew that when I found out I was pregnant and I went to get a c-section and I did not want to try for labor I didn't want to do any of this I didn't want to be pregnant again I didn't want to be back in this situation again to just period like so when I found out I was pregnant for sure that was the dilemma do I want another c-section a fourth c-section y'all like I was not even thinking this would be a thought about a fourth c-section or a vaginal birth my c-section I just don't want a bunch of surgeries they're not good for your body I just still feel like I was quick hovering and then the second decision which is labor I don't trust my body my body failed me so many times that's what I'm thinking my mind it doesn't know how to do stuff I literally was just like I gotta pray because both of these decisions are making me mad because I didn't think I would have to make this decision and both of them don't have good I don't see any positivity the one so I remember saying Lord I'm frustrated I'm mad because I don't even want to be in this situation I don't want to do either one of these choices either one I'm like but I know you brought me this baby as a blessing because you weight against odds all odds to give me this baby so this baby is obviously like all babies are blessings but this baby is a direct has so much purpose right now from God like I just knew Kinsley that's her name now didn't know her name that's what I'm talking about yeah I know you have a big purpose behind her so tell me vividly vividly which choice and I left it at that because y'all either one I I looked up both of increased c-sections didn't at wrist didn't try for be back the chances I'm just like which one so I waited on God to answer me and maybe in that instance not quickly but I remember hearing the voice in my mind say I want you to give birth the way I designed your body to give birth that's so yeah so I remember like saying well that means a VBAC and honestly I don't know but I was just like I said and I remember when I asked God I told him I would listen I would trust him and so I had to trust and that's when I had to figure out the best route to go and even though I loved my doctor that I took to my V back with with my third baby the hospital I just it's like before I even went down the path of the emotions and the trauma I knew I couldn't do it in the hospital it's like I just knew it's like God was like telling me that you have to look at every option before you look at the hospital so I was just like looking at midwives and looking up home birth midwives and so y'all I looked up midwives when I had on two c-sections and nobody would take me but I still said but God said that I need to look up midwives and I need to try to have a home birth I just I just remit like this is why I know that this was a spiritual labour led by the Holy Spirit it's because I wouldn't did that I was just in my own regular mind I would be like ain't nobody thing they do no c-section I could barely get a midwife in the hospital to do the two I mean not in a hospital in a birth center or something I remember looking it up and he just I couldn't find anybody and so I'm just loving God they say you have to look so I looked and I remember my list was I just kept calling no like people didn't give me the time of day no no no no no no no no and I just kept going until if I show y'all the list at the end of that list I have my midwife Cindy's name in pink everybody else's name is in black and her name is Jim and I remember messaging her on Facebook and telling her my situation the same thing I was telling everybody that was just saying no like I wouldn't give me the time of day and she said I want to talk to you on the phone and I was like why why she was on the other phone it's just yes or no everybody's just telling me no it's I remember I called her and I think she was I know what what city was doing she was looking to see where I was at like how did I sound how did I where was I at and I told her my situation I talked about the vasectomy and I just think she just felt in my spirit that I know me and Cindy was spiritually led because I was not a good candidate in the system for a feedback at home but Cindy is is amazing and I just just the fact that she treated me like a person and not just a statistic she wanted to see my my spirit my me my story not just this girl this lady with three c-sections she wanted to hear what was going on okay so we talked on the phone and then she said you know what but I'm still not sure I want to meet with you in person and talk and I'm like okay and she you know said okay I want you to look into these things bring me some questions and I was like oh my goodness this is my chance to show her that I am so committed to this because God has told me to do this I am I'm gonna have everything ready so I remember looking up everything having questions had a whole like page full of stuff and she met me she drove maybe like 30 minutes so me me with no payment no nothing just wanted to literally talk to me look at me in my eyes and feel my spirit and where was I at in this birth experience because birth is a spiritual thing and I don't know y'all believes that I don't really it don't really matter but I know my and I know that this was not to be a spiritual journey for me we got because the whole pregnancy was out of my understanding the route I was going both ways without understanding and so we met and I remember her just sitting there and she was just like the most calming spirit ever she's me and we had such a great conversation we were talking and as she just I remember her saying before cuz she still did give me an answer she still says like I'm gonna think about I'm gonna talk to some friends and I remember her saying but the most important thing your pregnancy is I feel like it was nutrition and nutrition I just remember nutrition yes so remember like all these diets were out like vegan and Hido and paleo so I was like she's about to tell me to do some one of these diets so I asked her well what she what should I eat because if she was gonna say yes or no I was gonna take that advice and run with it so sure oh I'll give you a printable I'll give it to you you know even if we don't work together but she said basically I want you to eat what God designed us T and y always I can't you think about that but I knew where she said that she was the way because she was just I could tell she was a woman of faith from our conversation and how she wanted to connect with me but when she said that it like sealed it like I just was like I don't know what she's about to say but I just know I feel she is the one that's I have to go on this journey with and lo and behold she was she called me she I think she knows she emailed me and told me all that it was a long list of guidelines I had to follow things I had to do to prepare and I will go into that more maybe I'll just do a video about the pregnancy and prepping for the V I guess they'll be my next video but she was the one and I knew she was the one I could show you how the the notebook with the her name in pink that stood out but that's how I came to the decision to have a home birth y'all and it was the most beautiful experience and I'm just so excited to finally start sharing it but my battery is about W my memory cards about to die so I'll see you on the next video when I tell you all how I prepared for a VBAC all right bye

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