Today is February 4th and is the World Cancer Day and that’s why I wanna tell a story My mum’s story I don’t do it for who is watching, or maybe a little bit for that too hoping to share a message with all of you too but I do it for me, and the memories. Those of you who have followed me on this channel since the beginning will remember the videos i’ve made with my grandma, my aunt and my mom a few years ago. And unfortunately, all three of them are not here anymore And very often I end up re-watching those videos and re living those happy memories And that’s why i’m making this video: to create an indelible memory or at least until Youtube will be around of my Mum for me, for Elizabeth, for my family for all her friends, and for all the people on this channel that over so many years have told me: “your mum is so beautiful, she looks like your sister” I’ve heard it a million times My mum was the most sunny, alive, happy and beautiful person outside and inside, that you could ever meet Until on October 2016 she got diagnosed with a bladder tumor, at only 47 years old From the beginning she had to have a big surgery to remove the entire bladder, the uterus and the ovaries and from that moment everything changed. I dont wanna re live those moments of suffering, between chemo, radiotherapy, weeks in the hospital, being better on one day to then being worse the next 3 Instead, despite this horrible pain that changed her, mine and our lives she had the chance to meet my -back then- boyfriend Henry. We spent our last August together in our beloved Marche and found out together that the little dot I had in my belly was a baby girl She came to my wedding, and despite a lot of pain we danced together all night And at the end, she had the chance to meet Elizabeth to then leave us only a week later Elizabeth was born 3 weeks early and my mom was already very sick but I believe that in some weird way they made it possible to meet each other and spend some time together even if for just a few days In a week it’ll be a year that she is not here anymore and it’s been the happiest and saddest year of my life she was my best friend the only person who would understand me without saying a word and I miss her everyday. And there is not a day that something silly happens with Elizabeth that i would like to tell her. Someone asked me to make a video on how to deal the death of someone important I’m sorry but i’m the first one not to know how. It might be wrong but I try to think as least as possible about this whole thing that is so surreal, that it still doesn’t feel true to me. It doesn’t seem like it happened to her. To me. Because everytime I found myself thinking about it the anger and the crying are hard to hold back And that one reason why I prepared this kind of letter here cause I knew if i had to just talk, I would have ended up crying This way i’m more prepared and that helps me to hold back the tears I definitely don’t wanna cry on Youtube Even though some nights i can’t hold the tears back and I cry, cry, cry like it’s normal to do in this situation. It’s one of those stories that you hear on tv this kind of things happen to other people Not to you and instead , it happened to us. And my mom won’t be able to be a grandma, something she would have LOVED. And I don’t have my mom during this time is so happy and hard of my life. And it’s so unfair. But at same time, I wanna celebrate her life because she was an AMAZING mom not perfect, she made her mistakes too but she was perfect to me and we were perfect for each other. And I look at the photos and videos of when i was Elizabeth’s age and I think of all that time we spent together, but that I don’t have any memories of but that instead now, I would like to remember every detail. I came back on Youtube to help me move on to have something positive, together with my amazing family to look forward everyday. Create a video, read the comments, think what’s gonna be next content it gives my something happy to think about at night, before going to bed. And it makes me re live the memories of when it was my mom that helped me shoot the video, choose the next recipe and at the end clean the kitchen. She was always my number one fan, and she would always tell me how proud she was. There are so many things I’d like to tell about her Memories, funny stories, sad stories, the weird jokes that only she would tell But instead I’ll tell them to Elizabeth cause those will be the most interesting stories for her to hear for the first time, and for me to re live. Before being diagnosed my mum had had symptoms for a few months that she had ignored thinking they were a UTI and telling you this story I wanna remind you as well how important is to prevent, to get checked regularly and most importantly, the research. I dedicate this video to everybody that had to go through this as patients, or as family or friends I dedicate it to my dad, cause no one could have done more than him To all my family, cause no one has a better family To all the friends of my mom, that always have been next to her and that always write me to ask me how am I And most of all to mamma Claudia I MISS YOU EVERYDAY. I’ll see you in next video. Bye!!